If They Can Do It

After the Aikido Seminar class with Hanshi, Ishibashi Sensei said that Hanshi and Paviot Sensei are way better than him. That being said, Ishibashi Sensei is great. Sensei said, “If they can do it, then it’s possible I can.” That inspired.

Practicing yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of head), Ishibashi Sensei instructed to bring the attacker to my center. I don’t oppose the attack. Everything quiet inside. He said, “If I can do it, you can do it.” I may not do yoko-iriminage exactly like Sensei does. That would be nice. I practice yoko-iriminage over, and over, and over, and over again. Just train.

I won’t do yoko-iriminage exactly like Sensei, because I’m not him. I’m me. I invent my version of yoko-iriminage. Still, I generate Sensei’s feel in throwing the attacker. My technique may look differently, yet the feeling and intention are Sensei’s. If Sensei can do it, I can do it.

There’s always someone better than I am. That’s just life. I work on myself from my zero, from my starting point. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I work within myself, within my limitation. I invent my infinity within my limits. Just train.

My zero is 5’ 3” and 142-pounds. I’ll never slam dunk a basketball like 4-time NBA Champion 6’ 9”, 255-pound Lebron James. I can take down the 255-pound man punching at me with yoko-iriminage.

The late NBA Legend Kobe Bryant said, “Failure excites me.” I fail. Someone is better than I am. My failure gives what I have to work on next. I work on myself, not on others. I don’t have to get somewhere or be someone else. Just train. Aikido Founder Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s me against me. There’s always something I can work on, something to improve, and something to refine. That’s just life.

In Aikido, I enter the attack and die with honor. The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger. In the center of the attack, I choose who I am and what I do. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside may never completely disappear, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside. I free me. Free to be me.

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On the journey to fall madly and deeply in love, I fear inside that I’m not good enough for women. I’m not what women want. I’m 5’ 3”. I’m not handsome. I’m older. I’m not exactly rich. I loved someone who loved me, but wasn’t in love with me. I let it go. I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I have a lot to do with what goes on inside me. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I let myself be.

I accept that I’m not good enough for women. There’s always someone better than I am. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do. I work on being the best best person that I can be. There’s always someone who does better than me, is better than me. That’s just life. Still, if they can do it, if they can be it, then it’s possible that I can, too. Just in my own way. That’s good enough for me.