I’m Dating Several People and It’s Complicated

I’m not sure if I am finally ready to meet someone, or the Saint Anthony (finding love) candle my friend gave me is kicking into gear. But it’s been an adventure since January.

I’ve had a little more interest than normal.

Is it because I’m putting ‘I’m open to meet someone finally’ vibes out there?

Or is it the universe?

Not sure.

But it’s been fun yet complicated. I don’t want to jump into a relationship. I want to date. But dating several guys at once isn’t necessarily easy.

First, there’s my ‘Not so serious guy.’

We have been honest with one another from the beginning. We don’t want anything from one another. We want to date and do our own thing. We want to be friends no matter what happens.

But I’ve definitely got an emotional connection with him.

He’s the first man that I don’t see myself with but that I don’t want to walk away from either. I’m not sure why. I think it’s because we do have genuine feelings even if it leans toward friendship.

I like the way he puts it.

He says that we have a sweet connection.

I would agree.

We continue to navigate our friendship. We want people to know we are just friends. We both want to meet someone. But we still find ourselves looking for one another at times.

And then there is ‘Sexy hot guy.’

He’s a handful.

Likewise, he thinks I’m a handful. I’ll write about him later. In some ways, he intrigues me. In other ways, I think we could take each other down.

There are a couple of other guys I’ve gone out with. I will only go out with a man if I feel safe. If there is something about him that makes me feel like he’s a good human.

The men I’ve dated have been honest with me.

I’ve been honest with them.

We are generally in the same head space. We don’t know what we want. We don’t want to hurt anyone. We just want to date and find our way to someone meaningful.

It sounds good in theory.

But I get attached to people.

A normal dating experience would be a simple date. It either works out, or it doesn’t. You move on. You don’t stay connected. I told one of the guys I know we should cut things off completely.

I told him we both needed to move on.

We don’t need to stay connected.

I meant it in many ways because I want dating to be less complicated. At the same time, I didn’t mean it. I still wanted to speak to him. I still wanted him in my life on some level.

That’s weird, isn’t it?

He’s just a guy I met. A guy that I went out with several times. A guy who is meant for someone else. We should both have no desire to stay in touch.

Dating should work for me.

The men I’ve gone out with know I’m going on dates.

I know they are going on dates. But it doesn’t make it less complicated. I don’t know how people do this. I don’t know how people casually date. Even when I was younger, I leaned toward having a relationship.

I know myself.

I am a friendship first kind of person.

I value people.

If I think you’re a decent human being and I connect with you on some level it’s going to be hard for me to walk away from you completely.

I’m having fun.

No regrets.

But I wouldn’t say this is simple. I wouldn’t say that dating several people at once, to find the one is easy. I would say it’s necessary. If we don’t venture out there we may not find the right person.

I’m venturing.

Even if it’s not entirely comfortable.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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