4 years I spent destroying my social life and losing friends. For 4 years I put my marriage on the line. 4 years of putting everything I enjoyed aside. For 4 years I sacrificed everything.
And I’d do it all again.
Life never takes you where you think you’re heading, and seldom where you want to go. There are bigger plans at work.
When my nephew came to live with us just before the age of 15, we never expected he would be diagnosed with Unspecified Intellectual Disability, Unspecified Neurocognitive Disorder and eventually CLN3 Batten Disease. We had no idea how rapidly he would decline and what we would have to witness and endure. It was heartbreaking.
My nephew is now living in a medical group home with far more support than I could have ever provided. Shockingly, making this decision was far more difficult than taking him in the first place.
I need time. Time to heal, time to de-stress, and to rediscover who I am after all of this.
So, I haven’t written as much. At least not online.
One of the most helpful things I do to de-stress is playing Dungeons & Dragons. But it’s difficult to play when you have few people to play with or no one at all.
When you’re in a position where full-time caregiving is your life, people don’t want to be around it. It makes it difficult to plan outings and to see friends. People drift apart.
So, I started looking into solo play. There are mechanics built specifically for this, using a lot of random generators to build the story. The most important aspect of solo D&D is journaling. There’s no Dungeon Master to remind you of events, so taking notes is important. But, I’m also using this for my writing. These solo play adventures will become novels within the D&D world I’ve created.
While solo play is fun, the roleplay and social aspect of the game are lacking. This does not help to rebuild my social life.
It’s become more difficult to sift through all the different personalities to find those you are compatible with. I especially struggle with this. Finding like-minded individuals is a severe challenge.
Everywhere I turn people are bitching and complaining. “My rights!” “It’s too woke!” “Cancel this man!” What happened to the world?
It’s all hatred and anger, bitterness and vitriol. “Poor me, poor me… I need attention!” It’s not a world I want to be a part of. What happened to love?
Racist! Colonizer! Toxic Masculinity! Sexist! Leftist! Female Supremacy!
Every side is bad. No one’s right! NO ONE!!!
Do you know how I know no one is right? Anger, hate, vitriol! It’s great to fight for a good cause, but if you’re not doing it out of love and taking time to understand the other side and have a civil discussion, how are you making things better? It’s just one side escalating the other. A constant seesaw of pain and hurt.
I’m a huge Marvel fan, but I can see Marvel suffering because of the reactions. Marvel has made some great movies, but ever since Endgame, people can’t stop complaining about how “woke” it is, or how all the heroes are becoming female, or whatever the case may be. Just a ton of complaints.
Now, what do you think Marvel is going to do with that information? Well, now they have to change things. They have to fix what they did wrong. They need to save face. Now, all of their focus is on the negative. And what happens to all the positive things that you did enjoy and love? Simple… they get neglected because all of the focus is on the negative and trying to fix it. But you can never fix it. You can never make EVERYONE happy. And now the quality suffers because the focus has shifted.
The biggest complaint I’ve seen about Marvel besides all the “new age” changes, is that the quality is dropping. Well, maybe you should take the time to tell the world what you did like.
The Rings of Power on Prime is another great example. Complaining about how they cast a black actor for a Harfoot (Hobbit ancestors). People had already written off the show before it even aired.
“Excuse me while I preemptively judge this product, and while I’m at it, let me judge the entire world by my own set of ideas and tell you how wrong you are without even knowing if you are wrong or taking the time to look into it first. No no, I must react quickly and harshly so that I may be heard.”
Grow up!
I’m sick and tired of hopping on Social Media and seeing nothing but a bunch of crying babies.
“I’m in pain, I’m hurt, I’m suffering. Let me pour all of that back into the world so it can chew it up and spit it right back at me.”
When will people finally realize that their only adding fuel to the fire of their own pain?
No thank you!
I’ve unfollowed so many people recently.
I remember the day I finally stood up to my dad’s rage, standing nose-to-nose screaming in my face. I did not scream. I did not raise my voice. I did not get angry. All I did was ask him, calm and repeatedly, “Why are you yelling?” I didn’t understand why we couldn’t just talk it out. This angered him even more and he stormed into his apartment and slammed the door.
Thanks. Good chat. Glad we could try and be mature about this and come to an amicable solution.
But I don’t hate my father. I have no resentment. He wasn’t perfect by any means but none of us are. But rather than trying to understand each other, everyone’s just throwing stones left and right like a bunch of hypocrites.
Yes, there are things my father could have done better. Every father could have done better. But I also understand that he did the best he could with the tools and experiences he was given. He did the best he could despite his own pain and trauma. We ALL have pain and trauma. How much time do you take to consider other people’s pain and trauma in the midst of their reactions? “My pain is more important than yours. You can’t say that to me, but allow me to give you a piece of MY mind.” Hypocrite! Why can’t you give them a bit of your heart instead, rather than adding more fuel to an already burning world? You’re no better if you don’t.
Call me controversial, I’m a Christan who ACTUALLY loves. I recognize the stigma I carry now. I’m Christan, so that must mean I hate gay and trans people. Don’t judge me. You don’t know how I feel. But I understand the hate many have received over religious beliefs. Many Christians choose the bible verses they like and want to hold on to while ignoring the rest. Sorry, that’s not how this works.
The bible even says, “Love your neighbor the same as you love yourself.” It doesn’t say “Cuss out your neighbor for having a different lifestyle than you.”
Galatians 5:13 says, “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”
“Were called to be free.” People have the right to choose for themselves what they want. It is no one else’s place or business to judge.
“But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh.” This does not say attack everyone who indulges in the flesh. It does not say, “Tell them they’re wrong.” It does not say, “Judge them and throw stones.”
“Serve one another humbly in love.” This is where most people fail.
This is not to bash Christians. This is simply to say that I have witnessed just as much hate and anger within the Christian community as I have in ANY community. No group is better than any other. Especially if you’re acting the exact same way but over different beliefs.
I just don’t understand hate apparently. I don’t get it. It makes no sense to me. I also don’t understand racism. I am not blind to it, but I’ve never understood it. Why does it matter that someone else has a different skin colour? You do realize that HUMANS adapt and evolve based on their surroundings right? What will future generations become surrounded by so much hate?
I’ve always believed that it’s our differences that make us all so unique and special.
I’m not bitter, I’m not angry… I’m stirred, I’m fired up. I’m done with your hate. I will not be influenced by it, I will not follow you, Influencer of Hate!
When did humans become so weak, unable to resist anything? “This is making me mad. I can’t control it, I’m too weak to control it! I have to spit my venomous words. I have to. You’re going to notice me!”
Your hate stops here. I will not let it penetrate me. I will not let it inside my head. I will pour as much love into the world as I can. Just because I don’t like the state of things, doesn’t mean I’m just going to give up and leave this world. I’m sad. I’m sad for our world. But adding more hate will not help. I will douse the flames of hate with the water of love.
So, if you take anything away from this, it’s that I love you. If no one has told you recently that they love you, just know that I do. I don’t care what your skin colour is, or sexual orientation. I don’t care what faith you hold dear. I love you!
So, please. Be patient with me while I continue to heal. I look forward to writing to all of you again real soon. I’m not quitting, I’m just taking a break.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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