Is Alcohol an Aphrodisiac?

Does it ever seem like girls get hornier when they’re drunk?

A lot of guys seem to think so. So much so that many guys rely on getting girls drunk as a way to hook up with them. It’s become so ingrained in our culture that, even these days, a standard way to approach a woman is to ask, “Can I buy you a drink?”

Alcohol and other mind-altering substances are thought to get people excited, less inhibited, and overall easier to seduce into bed.

So, is it true that feeding women alcohol makes it easier to sleep with them? Is alcohol an aphrodisiac?

It doesn’t matter.

It’s the wrong question.

Why? It’s coming from the wrong frame of mind.

It’s not how a real seducer thinks.

There is a much better way: one that not only helps you be a much more proficient seducer, but also makes women trust you fully with their minds, bodies, and souls.

What is seduction?

Is it a way to get past a woman’s defenses in order to stick your ding-dong into her hoo-ha?
Is it a way to trick her into doing more sexual things with you than she would otherwise?
Is it a combination of buttons you can press to unlock a special cutscene, like in a video game?

No, no, and no. This way of thinking fundamentally fails to grasp the heart of seduction.

It’s missing a couple core fundamentals of seduction:
Presence

The woman’s agency

What do I mean by presence? If you think seduction is just a means to the goal of sex, you’re robbing yourself of your full potential as a master seducer. More on that in the quoted text a few paragraphs below.

My emphasis on the woman’s agency might sound counterintuitive, especially if you’ve been immersed in any content from pickup artist and redpill communities. You might think that the whole point of seduction is to negate any chance of getting rejected, and thus it’d entail overriding the part of her agency that can reject you.

That’s why the idea of getting girls drunk for “seduction” might make sense to someone; it decreases her ability to reject your advances.

However, seduction is fundamentally a two-way street. If she’s not seducing you back, you’re not experiencing the dance that it’s supposed to be. It’s not about the one-way street of being a locksmith cracking a code to lower her defenses; it’s about building on each others’ emotions and desires toward a shared climax.

Rather than thinking of seduction as opening a lock with a key, think about it as a dance you’re leading.

Thinking of seduction within the whole lock-and-key paradigm can ultimately lead you to view intersexual relationships as inherently adversarial, which is a mental trap that countless pickup artists have fallen into. They pore over countless strategies all under the foundational assumption that they must defeat or conquer whatever external force is restricting their access to sex. The external force they must defeat or conquer often manifests in these men’s minds as women themselves, pushing them even further from the world of women and the love and true affection that they can share.

How else, then, can we think of seduction? Consider the perspective of a woman who was happily seduced. If you ask her how everything happened, she will tell you something along the lines of “one thing led to another,” or “it just happened.”

To the untrained ear, it will simply sound like the man did all the work and the woman just enjoyed the ride. However, there is a lot more to it, and the reactive participation of the woman was also an integral part of the equation. The important part to focus on is that she is expressing how every element seemed to come together naturally. Nothing felt forced. Rather than comparing the seduction to a locksmith opening a lock, she might compare it to a dance.

All around the world, there are many types of dance in which the man takes on a leading role and the woman takes on a following or reacting role. In some types of dance, the men and women both follow a strict set of choreographed steps where the man must do certain moves to supposedly lead, and the woman must do certain moves to just follow. In other types of dance, there is a lot more room for improvisation; there are many moves a man can choose from in order to lead, and many moves a woman can choose from in order to react. Then, the man must react to the woman’s reaction in a way that both maintains his lead and increases the chance for the woman to react positively.

In these less restrictive forms of dance, a man who is very good at dancing will indeed make the woman feel as if nothing feels forced, and that the dance was executed very naturally even if they did not follow a predetermined choreography. However, this will not happen if the woman is an inexperienced dancer herself. If she doesn’t know an appropriate dance move to react to a move that the man made, something will feel unnatural. This is because dancing is ultimately a man-made art form with techniques that are not necessarily instinctive. Human sexual courtship (i.e. seduction), on the other hand, is a somewhat different story.

While there may be “moves” in seduction which are normalized by culture and other man-made rituals, the path toward sex between a man and a woman is ingrained into our genes before we ever leave the womb. That seduction code remains asleep deep within our DNA until we experience a sexual awakening through puberty, and matures into a more finely-tuned mechanism as we grow older. There are ways to practice seduction where everything feels natural and unforced to nearly any participating human adult, and it’s all about the dance we already know how to do subconsciously.

What is the purpose, goal, or final destination of a dance? The answer is the dance itself. On the other hand, the purpose of lock-picking is not lock-picking itself. The end goal is to get the lock open and to attain the protected treasures promised for the locksmith’s efforts. A dancer can allow himself to live in the moment and enjoy every step as if it is the only thing that exists in that point in time. A locksmith, on the other hand, has no incentive to stop and appreciate the sheen and luster of his tools as they enter the orifice of the puzzle before him. He wishes to appreciate not the current moment, but the promised loot on the other side of the lock.

Approaching seduction with the mentality of a locksmith burdens you with a heavy agenda, which not only robs you of the full appreciation you can experience of living in the moment, but also triggers that gut feeling in the woman that you are hiding your true intentions. This mentality also has the disadvantage of too much compartmentalization. It makes you think of sex as a completely separate category that is achieved after the supposedly methodical steps performed during seduction.

So, if sex in the lock-and-key analogy is clearly the prize waiting on the other side of the lock, what is sex in the dance analogy? The answer is that it is blended in somewhere into the overall dance. A man who sees seduction as a dance as opposed to lock-picking does not see sex as some prize at the end of the road, but as a natural part of the overall process of seduction that may or may not stand out above other parts.

Start seeing seduction as a partnered dance with beautiful movements being expressed from both participants. Enjoy the present moment with each step you take without trying to rush things toward any particular goal. Yes, you should have an overall logistical plan in seduction like the choreography of a performance, but leave room for improvisation. Leave room for pauses for a chance to let beauty shine through. Allow the skills you’ve gained from meditation to stay present in order to smoothly come back to the rhythm, even if you lost it for a moment. Treat seduction as an art rather than just a tool to get from point A to point B.

— Excerpt from Never Lonely: The Uncensored Guide on How to Attract and Be Loved by Women

“He’s just trying to f**k me.”

I recently overheard a woman saying, “I assume any man who is complimenting me a lot and trying to get me to drink more is probably just trying to get laid.”

“What’s wrong with trying to get laid?” you might think. These kinds of comments might make some guys think that women don’t like sex, that they need to trick women into sex somehow. This is not an accurate conclusion because it fails to take into account multiple sociological phenomena.

These same guys often tend to buy into the idea that men like sex better than women do, or some variation of “women don’t like sexual things.” This idea can easily be ingrained into our brains during the formative years of our youth when we see both younger girls and older women reacting more negatively to sexual subjects than men do. A young boy might tell a sexual joke and his male peers may roar with laughter while his female peers will disparage him in disgust even if said joke was not actually degrading toward the opposite sex. Women and girls will often react more negatively to sexual subjects, especially in more conservative cultures, because of a self-defense mechanism called self-marginalization, formed in response to an oppressive societal system that chastises women for not being sexually pure. However, young boys generally do not have the intellectual capacity to take such complex sociological factors into consideration when forming their beliefs about gender differences.

— Excerpt from Never Lonely: The Uncensored Guide on How to Attract and Be Loved by Women

The truth is that, generally speaking, women love sex. In all likelihood, they love it a lot more than you do. We men don’t even know how to have multiple orgasms. We have no context on how differently a clitoral orgasm feels compared to a vaginal orgasm, let alone a simultaneous one. And don’t even get me started on squirting. We can’t possibly fathom the heights of pleasure that can be experienced through sex.

However, you might not want to admit that a woman loves sex if she’s rejecting you. That makes it feel personal, and the ego certainly doesn’t like that. That ego makes it easier to believe that women actually want to be sexually pure instead. And that ego makes you hatefully think, “slut,” when she seemingly f**ks everyone else but you.

Take a step back for a moment and consider what it’s like to live in this world as a woman. As a human being, you were born with sexual desire in your DNA. But you grew up in a society where you’re told, over and over again, that it’s wrong to have those desires for one reason or another. And since this same society is telling boys that they’re losers if they don’t have sex, you’re being bombarded with sexual requests from droves of boys who desperately want to treat you like a mindless sex doll every day.

Let’s assume that you, the reader, are a man who truly wants to love and connect with women. You want to have sex in a way that feels like you understand each other’s bodies and minds. You want the kind of sex that feels like she’s accepting and embracing who you are, all of her own enthusiastic volition.

Since women have been subject to so much sexual objectification, they don’t feel that sort of mutual-agency-emphasizing desire from most men. It’s easy for her to assume that, if he asks, “Can I buy you a drink?” that he just wants to use her body without regard to her feelings or any desire for that sort of truly intimate connection.

The men who are trying to get her drunk in order to have sex aren’t trying to connect with her. They aren’t trying to have a real conversation. They aren’t trying to provide pleasure based on her deepest desires. They’re just trying to f**k without any regard for what she actually wants. It’s unfortunate that these attitudes have become so culturally prevalent. And, without sugarcoating it, that’s what “rape culture” means.

Stand out from the crowd

I’m not saying that you need to remove alcohol completely from your fun times. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a drinker. A heavy drinker.

However, when most men are trying to get girls drunk, I’m demonstrably doing the opposite. If I bring a girl to a bar and she says that she doesn’t feel like drinking for any reason at all, I show her the part of the menu with the mocktails and other non-alcoholic beverages. If it seems like a girl might be getting a little too drunk, I check in with her and bring her some water to sober up. And, if a girl I don’t know well enough is clearly too drunk and trying to sleep with me, I try to stop it from happening.

I’ll get drunk to have fun, but I’m never going to pressure a woman to drink like me. They’ll often follow my lead anyway since I made them feel comfortable, but that’s not really the point.

The point is that prioritizing her safety and agency will ultimately get you much better quality connections and intimacy. The sex will be much better.

It also increases quantity. Guys with this kind of attitude get a lot more consensual action than the predatory guys who intentionally try to get girls drunk. Given that they already have some flirting skills under their belt, of course.

Alcohol and women’s libido

And now we circle back to the initial “wrong” question of whether or not alcohol functions as an aphrodisiac for women.

Now we understand that it’s only the wrong question in the context of a man seeking to take advantage of the answer in a way that ignores the importance of a woman’s agency. But what can we discover when we observe the phenomena, and what other lessons can we take away from them?

It’s true that alcohol and other mind-altering substances tend to change how people choose to behave. What about (consensual) sexual behavior?

You may have noticed that some women do sometimes act hornier when inebriated. Is something biological going on inside of women’s bodies that makes them hornier when drunk?

After all, many people, both men and women, purposefully use alcohol to let loose and hook up with other people. It allows them to feel less nervous or anxious. Many people like to have drunk hookups; there is no avoiding that fact. Sociological research has found that, for women in particular, alcohol is sometimes used as a scapegoat to indulge in sexual activity. In other words, it can allow them to have the sex they want to have while avoiding the blame of being a “slut.” They can blame the alcohol instead. This sort of behavior is a result of our society placing a sexual double standard on men and women: men are praised for having sex with numerous partners, but women are chastised and looked down upon for doing the same.

That isn’t to say that every drunk woman actually wants to have sex, of course. You should never assume that consumption of alcohol is itself a sign of sexual consent. Women choose to get drunk for a variety of reasons just like men do. The avoidance of slut-shaming just happens to be an additional potential reason.

— Excerpt from Never Lonely: The Uncensored Guide on How to Attract and Be Loved by Women

It turns out that it’s probably more of a sociological and psychological thing than a biological one.

No one wants to live a life of being on guard all the time. That’s not freedom. But if you’ve always lived under the pressure of society’s sexual double standards, you can’t help but build walls. You want to open up, but you feel like you can’t without a scapegoat like alcohol.

Alcohol isn’t an aphrodisiac in this case. It’s a compensatory mechanism to find an inkling of escape from oppression.

If women are around you, let yourself become that escape into freedom. Give them the space to be themselves without the weight of patriarchal norms. Then they can drink to just have fun without using it as a crutch to express their true feelings.

There’s no better aphrodisiac than a man who can elicit authenticity with his own.