Is Being Unvaccinated a Deal Breaker in Dating?

I was enamoured from the moment we met at the bar: he was funny, open-minded, tattooed, sexy accent, and he asked interesting questions.

We ordered pints and sat in a dark corner and got to know one another. It was the first date in a while where I was feeling that “instinct connection” we hear so much about.

After hours, we leaned in closer and kissed…we made out like we were teenagers again until the bartender interrupted and said they were closing shop.

As we walked back to the station, I mentioned how I was supposed to see my brother the next day, but his girlfriend had covid. She barely had symptoms since she was vaccinated.

“You’re jabbed, right?” I asked.

“No. I’m not,” he said.

There was silence.

And then: “Is that a problem?”

I was taken aback. I actually hadn’t come across someone unvaccinated yet in my circle of friends or in the dating world.

“Kind of?” I said. “Do you mind me asking why?”

He told me he just didn’t get how they could create a vaccine so quickly (which is not true). And he hadn’t had any personal reason to get it because he wasn’t travelling or anything.

“Hmm,” I said. We walked awkwardly for a little while. One of us changed the subject and then I was grateful we reached our destination and said goodbye.

I didn’t really know what to say in that moment. I didn’t want to come across as judgmental, but this was more than someone saying they didn’t like dessert or pineapple on their pizza.

The vaccine wasn’t created just so we could travel; it was created so we could reduce the virus spread and severity, to keep our hospitals from overcrowding, to protect the vulnerable and ourselves, and so that we can all get back to living normal lives.

I’d understand if he was hesitant and had done research, but we were almost a year into the first rollouts—he had this sort of blasé attitude to something that was killing people.

Later, I texted a few of my friends to ask what they thought. Most of all, I was disappointed. We had connected and now I was faced with a dilemma I hadn’t anticipated.

On most dating apps, you can now list your vaccination status, which avoids having to ask the question. I had completely forgot to check on his profile, but when I went back, I saw he didn’t have a “no”—he’d just hidden it from his profile.

It would have been different if he was exempt for medical reasons, of course.

I thought about how if this developed into something more, I wouldn’t be able to bring him around my 91-year-old grandfather. How my cousin is immunocompromised and she wouldn’t feel safe around him either.

I thought about how I did love to travel and if we had a future together, that would be an issue.

As I mulled the question over—was being unvaccinated a deal breaker?—it was becoming clear that, to me, it was.

I texted him the next day that it wasn’t going to work out unfortunately. He seemed surprised as if I was making this into a way bigger deal than it was, which was more of a red flag.

It’s strange times we are living in. But we should never compromise our values in love or otherwise.

I do respect that everyone has a personal choice, but we also have a personal choice with who we choose to let into our lives.

What I learned going forward: if it’s not visible on the profile, as up front before going on the date.

As soon as any kind of feelings are involved, it always becomes harder to detach.

—

This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything