Is Bro Self Help Making Men More Emotionally Unavailable?

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All the Difference

There’s a lot of male-focused literature these days about the power of stoicism. In some ways, one of the unfortunate side effects for men is that it can make them even harder on themselves for having emotions. But a lot of men actually need to be more emotional or share their emotions more. That would be a healthy thing.

So I’m back with David today, the producer. Hello. You’re normally behind the camera, but today you’re back in front of it.

“I’m producing in front of the camera today,” he says.

David is the voice of the audience—the person who wants to ask questions, challenge ideas, and get clarification when we move on from a topic before people have had the chance to say what they wanted to say.

So today, he’s putting me in the hot seat. The last time we did this, people loved it, so we’re back for round two. We still don’t have a name for the series—something like “Grill Matt,” “Toast Matt,” or “More from Matt.” If you have a better suggestion, let us know.

Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.

Which Video Went Viral?

David asked me if I knew what my most viewed video on YouTube was. One of the biggest ones is the video about who should pay on a date. That one went incredibly viral—tens of millions of views across platforms.

Another popular video is about three “man-melting” phrases that can make someone fall for you. In that video, I talk about things like complimenting someone’s style or telling a man that he makes you feel safe.

The comments on that video are pretty funny. One person joked about saying to a cashier at McDonald’s, “Here are your fries. You make me feel safe.”

It’s obviously a funny exaggeration, but the advice still stands. Making someone feel appreciated and emotionally safe can have a powerful effect.

Chasing vs. Slowing Down

One viewer commented about our discussion on chasing in relationships. They pointed out that many people in the audience have a habit of chasing people who aren’t interested. So being told not to chase can actually help them break unhealthy patterns.

I think that’s a really important point.

When we’re anxious—especially in early dating—we tend to speed up instead of slow down. Anxiety creates the feeling that we need to fix something immediately.

If we think we said the wrong thing or worry that someone doesn’t like us, we rush to correct it. But often, in trying to fix something too quickly, we make the situation worse.

That same pattern happens in dating. We send too many texts, call too often, and constantly measure whether someone likes us. When we move that fast, we’re more likely to make mistakes or give away our power.

So for someone who fears ending up alone if they stop chasing, the best thing they can do is slow down.

Stoicism and Emotional Expression

Another comment raised an interesting idea: that stoicism can be healing for self-love but may hinder intimacy.

I don’t think stoicism itself is a bad thing. But in modern male culture, it’s often interpreted as suppressing emotions. That can lead men to become even harder on themselves whenever they feel vulnerable.

The irony is that many of the people most attracted to stoicism might actually benefit from greater vulnerability and emotional expression.

True healing often comes from acknowledging that you’re having a hard time. Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is recognize that what you’re feeling is normal.

Whether it’s because the circumstances are genuinely difficult or because something in the present has triggered a past wound, self-compassion matters.

In many ways, allowing yourself to feel and express those emotions is a deeper act of self-love than suppressing them.

The Healing Power of Honest Conversation

For me, intimacy is born out of the ability to relate to one another honestly. Some of the most meaningful conversations I have—even with male friends—are the ones where we openly talk about how we’re feeling.

Those conversations aren’t filtered through stoicism or forced positivity. They’re just real.

And ironically, those are the moments that feel the most healing. When someone shares their struggles openly, it reminds us we’re not alone.

That sense of shared humanity can be incredibly powerful.

Men Being Vulnerable

Recently, we’ve started seeing more men in the comments sharing their experiences and emotions. I actually think that’s a really beautiful thing.

Sometimes the discussion online can become divisive, which I don’t love. My goal has always been to create a community focused on growth—not an “us versus them” dynamic between men and women.

But when men show vulnerability and openness, it creates meaningful dialogue.

It also helps many women see something they may not always realize: that men are often deeply sensitive, even if they don’t show it outwardly.

Because men are taught to appear unaffected, it’s easy to assume that rejection or disappointment doesn’t impact them. But that assumption is often wrong.

Many men feel things deeply—they just don’t always express it.

Why More Women Are Choosing Independence

Another comment discussed the idea that more women today are choosing to remain single.

Part of this shift comes from the fact that many women now have more options in life. They have careers, financial independence, and the freedom to build lives on their own terms.

As a result, the standard for relationships has changed.

Many women today aren’t looking for someone to “complete” their life. They’re looking for a teammate.

If the alternative to independence is a relationship where they’re expected to carry more of the emotional or domestic load, it’s understandable why some would choose to remain single.

That doesn’t mean women reject relationships—it just means they want relationships that feel equal and supportive.

Teammates, Not Traditional Roles

In my own relationship with Audrey, the foundation has always been teamwork.

We both work hard, support each other’s goals, and care deeply about making each other happy. That doesn’t mean everything is perfectly equal all the time—it means we’re committed to supporting one another.

There can still be moments of polarity in a relationship. For example, one partner might enjoy when the other takes the lead in planning a date.

But enjoying those moments doesn’t mean expecting rigid roles all the time.

The healthiest relationships allow both people to communicate what they enjoy while still respecting each other as equals.

Growing Together Instead of Apart

One viewer asked an important question: when people grow and change, how do couples grow together instead of drifting apart?

The answer often comes down to communication and shared intention.

In a strong relationship, both partners genuinely care about each other’s happiness. They listen to what matters to the other person and try to support it.

That doesn’t mean every desire gets fulfilled perfectly. But when both people know the other is trying, it creates trust and goodwill.

Resentment tends to grow when people stop communicating their needs. Instead of sharing their frustrations with their partner, they talk about them with friends. Over time, the distance grows until it feels impossible to bridge.

Staying connected requires ongoing honesty and effort.

How AI Can Support Relationships

We also talked about the role of AI in relationships. I’ve been very conscious about how we use it.

When we created Matthew AI, the goal was never to replace human connection. The goal was to support people—especially in moments when they feel alone.

Heartbreak, for example, often requires hours of conversation and reflection. Not everyone has someone available to talk to at 2 a.m., but AI can help people process their thoughts in those moments.

That philosophy also guided the creation of our matchmaking platform, Sync.

The idea isn’t to create another dating app that encourages endless swiping. Instead, it’s designed to help people who are serious about finding a relationship.

Rather than optimizing for first dates, the goal is to optimize for second dates—connections that actually have the potential to grow into something meaningful.

I take the responsibility of using AI in this space very seriously. If we’re going to use technology, it should ultimately bring people closer together—not push them further apart.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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