Is it Better to Speak or to Die?

This is a quote in the movie ‘’Call Me by Your Name’’ by Andre Aciman. tThe moment I heard this quote for the first time was like someone printed it in my mind. This was 4 years ago and I still think about it, every time I had something to say, always tell myself ‘’is it better to speak, or to die’’.

The meaning of saying what we feel, is it better to be free from your thoughts and endure whatever comes with it or just save it to yourself not knowing what would happen?

After wondering this question for 4 years I concluded to always speak and that’s not for everybody, but I rather lose by knowing I said everything needed than just keep wondering what would happen.

It can be a disappointment at the moment, you don’t always gonna get the answer you want, I make my peace with the terms that I don’t need or want the answer, just want to be able to say it, to be free of the wondering to be free of the drawing thoughts and if goes bad, guess what? At some point in your life when time past you’ll be so glad you did it cause there is no what if and you can see the reality more clearly after doing so.

There are many outcomes when you speak especially when is about love or a loved one, doesn’t mean it always going to be the best one, but it surely will free you and give you something to learn in the long wrong.

The last time I did my Do I Speak or Die, you could say it didn’t go quite well, I was in love with someone for a very long time, and we had a great run, everything felt perfect but it didn’t work out, and it was one of the hardest things I ever experienced, been in love and having a deep connection with someone you can’t be with.

In the midst of ending everything, knowing that I did my best and that he treated me so well, the only thing that was wondering in my head was the fact that I never told him that I loved him, no because didn’t feel it and there where multiple times I wanted to say it but didn’t because that will scare him away and make him more confused, so when everything was over and a period of time passed and we still there talking to each other to help us with the transition, I couldn’t keep the communication with him, I was in love more in love than he was over me, so I did my speak or die, told him that I love him while saying goodbye and that knew he knew , just didn’t have the courage to said because was scared it will make him go away, but he did go away and wasn’t because of that so there I had nothing to loose, but need it him to know even though that wouldn’t change the outcome and I wasn’t expecting to, just need it to be able to free my mind from that though and of course he didn’t say it back, to be honest, at that point it didn’t matter, I was ready to leave, didn’t have anything else to say anymore.

There is so much freedom in to be able to speak, I´m not saying if someone treats you wrong or if someone is toxic you should send them a big text with all your feelings, and be aware that sometimes feelings have an expiration date, my advice is to sit with it, think about it, make your peace with it knowing that maybe the other person is not gonna give you the answer you need or want and if still is something that you want to share from your heart not out anger, disappointment or sadness, just go for it chances are you will feel free and with no regrets, I know I have and that’s what I’m not constantly wondering myself if I ever did something wrong or going back and ford saying things to this one person.

Remember to be kind to yourself and let your feelings move through you, it takes so much courage to speak what you feel but it will take so much more out of you to not say anything.

In the end is never about the other person, is about you, about how you need to be free of those things that haunt you in the night, you cannot control what people do or how they might react but you surely can control how you move forward with no regrets or things left to say.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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