We’ve all heard of inner child work. But what about inner enemy work? We all have an inner enemy too — you know that part of you that is out to sabotage your dreams, destroy your relationships, and keep you broke and unhealthy?
If you took a step outside yourself and then took a look back at yourself, can you see how strong this part of you is? Are your loudest thoughts and biggest actions making your life better or worse?
If you’ve read any self-help books or thought at all about improving your life. You’ve probably got a long list of thoughts you should think about. Morning routines you should do before 7 am, and bedtime rituals, all with the intention of optimizing your life.
But when you really take a look, are all the choices you make every day taking you closer to the life you want?
Here are three suggestions that can help you cut to the chase and figure out whether or not you are your own best friend or your own worst enemy.
The first step is to get some distance from yourself because, like a fish in water, you are the environment you swim in. It can be impossible to even see what you’re doing, especially because much of the day may be spent in auto-pilot mode, where the inner enemy loves to dwell.
Document Your Day
There’s nothing more useful than writing something down. Seeing the truth on a piece of paper is revealing. For one day, write down everything you do. This can include the money you spend, the food you eat, and the people you spend time with, and after each item. Make a note of how you feel afterward. If carrying a notepad around is too inconvenient, the Notes app on an iPhone can be very handy.
The next day, review everything. You may be surprised by what you discover. If your goal is to write a book did you spend even one minute writing? If your goal is to save, did you waste money on unnecessary items? Are your actions in alignment with your goals or is your inner saboteur actively working against your desires?
Get Feedback
The truth hurts, especially when it comes from someone close to us but those closest to us are very likely to see us better than we see ourselves. Be careful of course! Choose someone who will share their perspective in a kind way.
Ask two people who really know you to give you an honest assessment of whether or not you are taking good care of yourself and are living in alignment with your stated goals. Be very specific about your questions and perhaps ask your people to email you their answers instead of doing this as a conversation so you can have some space from the answers.
Although you may not like what you hear, if you are serious about creating the life that you say you want, these hard truths may be necessary.
Once you get your feedback, take stock. You don’t have to immediately accept it all but if there are some nuggets of truth, consider how you can use this feedback to make some positive changes.
Journal with Your Inner Enemy
We all do things that may go against our best interest from time to time and when we do, consider this a really wonderful opportunity to dialogue with your inner enemy.
Ask him or her questions about why she wanted to go against what you said you wanted. Why isn’t he investing time in that side hustle or project he’s been wanting to launch? Why isn’t she sending out resumes if she wants a new job?
As you put pen to paper — remember, no typing! — you will find words coming out from deep insider yourself that you hadn’t heard before. Truths will be revealed and you will gain new insights into yourself.
What Now?
So what can you do if you take these steps and find out you are your own worst enemy and not your own best friend? Did you even know you could be your own frenemy?
The first step is always awareness. Because you can’t walk away from yourself, the next step is always education. Underneath it all, there is no part of you that really wants to sabotage you. Rather, there may be a part of you that got the wrong ideas from the wrong person and believes that what looks like sabotage is really a form of protection.
Consider this an intervention of the different parts of yourself and time for some inner rehab. Ultimately, your higher self knows and wants the best for you. Now, you can take the steps to be kinder, more loving, and more supportive of yourself.
Remember, vagueness is the inner enemy’s playground and clarity is your inner ally’s favorite strategy. So get really clear about your personal goals so you can make the best choices on your behalf more often.
The more often you choose the good, it will become a habit and all the parts of yourself will start to come around and work towards your common good.
Previously Published on Medium
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