I “side” with men on lots of issues. I most likely “side” with women on as many more.
I can understand how both sexes see things and I’m still a woman! I still experience things as a woman. However, as a coach, I step outside of that and look closely at the cause of many of the issues women and men face that create unhealthy relationships.
There are many things I do not agree with in regards to many men and their beliefs about women.
Just because I understand why some men do what they do, doesn’t mean I support it. I’m still jawdroppingly speechless at the things that come out of many men’s mouths. That isn’t biased, it’s just true of my experience.
I haven’t a clue at times how they come up with excuses they have for behaving badly towards women. Is it their fault? No, not really. It is what they were taught. I understand clearly that it is hard to be a man. I do!! In my estimation, it’s harder to be a woman. (but that is another article)
Each gender has their work cut out. As Ester Perel said, women have been doing their work for a long while now, it is time to heal the men. (Paraphrasing her speech).
I know the crap society has passed down for centuries that has gotten us all screwed up. It’s just cruel what that has done to each gender.
Societal condition plays a big impact on our thoughts and that trickles down to our actions. Many don’t even question their judgments, we blindly accept them.
It’s our responsibility to own our actions, thoughts, and words. We do not get the right to abuse just because we are hurt and heartbroken. Nor because we have been taught certain untruthful beliefs about the other gender.
It’s really hard for me to be completely open about what I see and hear from men, but it is clearly their beliefs that cause them to see and judge women the way that they do.
Why am I saying this?
For example, evolution-wise, women have always been more mature earlier in life and that continues on through adulthood. Women typically are the ones interested in “relationship health”. Men tend to just be happy with what is and just go on doing what they do. Women tend to work through and talk it out, resolve it. Many men don’t.
That means that when something is awry women typically know it sooner than men. Most men find out later. Often times after the women have tried to communicate it several times and then express it loudly or seemingly “overreacting”.
When men do find out, they feel hit with a boulder. This at times is seen as abusive or traumatic to men. It is not. It was attempted to be resolved and it was either not taken seriously or just shrugged off as a big nothing.
When it ends, the woman is resolved and can let go. The man, on the other hand, feels differently. He may feel it is a rash decision on her part. Often times it can’t be worked out. Too many differences have piled up.
What really bothers me is that we aren’t much clearer on each gender than we were 20 years ago. We still have societal beliefs that continue to contaminate our lives, our relationships, and our future generations.
It’s our job to find out what the problem is and solve it, not continue on to blame the other gender and keep the dysfunction going. It takes courage though. It isn’t easy. It’s a path less traveled.
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