Teachers aren’t supposed to have favorites. Oh well, guilty as charged.
Last semester, I had an African American student (I’ll call her Gayle). She’s brilliant, but more importantly, she’s loving. She visits me almost every day, and when she flashes that million-dollar smile and opens her arms to hug me, I melt.
I love her. Truly, I love her.
As a matter of fact, special relationships like this are what makes me stay in the teaching profession.
Yes, I’m sure there are racist teachers. I’ve had my African American students come to me shaking with anger or crying rivers, telling me horror stories of teachers who see only the color of their skin and not the magic underneath.
And yes, I believe my African American students’ words. I believe the shine in their eyes when they talk to me. I believe the watery film covering their lashes. letting me know they’re close to tears.
I hold them. Talk to them. Tell them to speak out. Remind them of how smart, capable, and special they are.
And when they speak to me of their struggles, I’m so glad they’re looking at me, really looking at me. They’re seeing below the porcelain skin to the heart that beats underneath, and the best thing is they know I’m doing the same.
You see, Gayle and I are changing the world. Just two people who refuse to let color be the deciding factor in a person’s worth.
Present tense and a word that needs to get the hell out of our vocabulary
Every.
The word “every” needs to go.
After all, we call bullshit on this word when it comes to most things in life. Except race.
For example, we roll our eyes when we hear about a makeup that covers every flaw. We laugh at a salesman’s claims they’ll do everything possible to get the car down to our price point. (Has anyone ever heard of commission?) We shake our heads at diets that promise to help everyone reach their ideal weight.
Nevertheless, when it comes to race, we believe the “every.”
“Every white person uses their privilege to keep African Americans down.”
“Every African American has an axe to grind with whites.”
“Every history teacher glosses over the horrors of slavery.”
“Every business hires less talented people of color over more qualified whites to fill racial quotas.”
“Every white refuses to admit the savagery of their ancestors.”
“Every African American believes whites should be punished for relatives in our past, even though we never even knew them.”
A step in the right direction
Let’s look beyond color. Please, let’s look beyond color.
Let’s allow our white daughters to date young black men. Let’s allow our black sons to fall in love with milky-skinned girls.
Let’s judge each other based on our actions, not on a color wheel.
Let’s be friends with those who support us, dry our tears, and lift our spirits, no matter the shade of their skin.
Let’s let our hearts and instincts guide us, not the prejudicial words of others.
The bottom line:
I have another extra special connection to an African American student. I’ll call her Tonya. From the moment I saw her walk into my class, all I could think was royalty. She’s five foot ten and regal. Her brain is razor sharp. I know in my heart there’s no mountain she can’t climb.
And when she told her mom, “I love Mrs. Bevier,” the angels sang. I see a fire in this fifteen year old queen. A hunger to make things right for her people. A fighter who will hold up a protest sign and still kick the ass of anyone who hurts her blonde-haired friend.
That’s what we need. To see individuals, not stereotypes.
If we can manage that, if we can teach our children that, maybe they’ll have a better future. If we can’t, we’ve doomed them to repeat our hate and single-mindedness.
In the words of Martin Luther King,
“Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.”
Yep. Mr. King, you got it right.
That’s why you’re my hero.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Edward Cisneros on Unsplash