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Q: I just found out two of my friends are pregnant and it has me having babies on the brain. We decided two was enough but now I think I want to try for number three. Should I just go for it and stop taking my pill? Maybe he will be happy once I tell him I’m pregnant or should I try to convince him that we should have another child.
A: Please DO NOT go off the pill then tell him! Talk about a reason for lack of respect and trust. I feel like you would be setting yourself up for disaster. I have had clients that are resentful that that happened because it caused the father not to be able to bound with that child. The first thing I need you to do is understand the difference between excitement and sustainable joy.
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Transcript provided by YouTube:
hello and welcome to Alana Pratt calm in
medic yard at the end of a wonderful day
I’m kind of in this mellow sunday
afternoon mood and I’m like k should
shoot a few more videos and connect with
you so I just feel like we’re back in
we’re in the backyard together we should
just have a beer right now but not if
i’m reading this question correct
because you shouldn’t be having a beer
with if you’re pregnant it says i just
found out two of my friends are pregnant
and it has me having babies on the brain
we decided my husband and i am assuming
we decided to was enough but now i think
i want to try for number three should i
just go for it and stop taking my pill
maybe he will be happy once I tell him
I’m pregnant or try or should I try to
convince him that we should have another
child oh my effing God don’t you dare go
off the pill and then tell him talk
about a reason for lack of respect and
trust and connection and going behind
each other’s back oh my god don’t do
that I feel like you’re setting yourself
up for disaster I have had clients that
are resentful that that happened and it
really actually came through to that
father not being able to bond and
connect with that child and that child
growing up becoming one of my clients
feeling like he was never wanted he’s
not enough and he what you know please
don’t do that okay um this sounds like a
wonderful opportunity for you to
decipher the difference between
excitement and true sustainable joy
there’s a lot of things in life that get
us excited I mean oh my god I have a 13
year old but if I hold like a little
baby oh my goodness do we do smell and
just the idea of being able to have a
child with a new partner that I really
get along with and like how wonderful
would that be I mean even birth I mean
my back was to my husband at the time
clinging to my girlfriend as I gave
birth like not so fun right what would
it be like to really have that
experience with my you know deep deep
connected beloved so I so get it and I
so get that um the joy of being a mother
oh my god
is one of the greatest joys I I have and
yet a third child financially a third
child logistically a third child in
terms of spreading your time and energy
between your children and your work and
your husband there’s just like a lot to
consider here and I think it’s
healthiest that you make a choice for a
third based on all of the reasons the
the sustainable joy the lightness in
your soul the money the logistics the
you know what would it what contribution
would it provide our family to have a
third or what and then if it doesn’t
feel light to be okay with not
sabotaging this by going off the pill
and just getting pregnant but there’s a
lot of other ways to have more children
in your life it’s certainly with your
friends you can babysit you know you’d
be an amazing babysitter what a gift to
give them there’s a lot of ways you can
volunteer oh my goodness there’s I mean
there’s orphanages and all sorts of
places where it would just be wonderful
for somebody who loves children to give
their love there’s a lot of ways you can
be fulfilled I guess is what I’m saying
other than a third child and yet one of
my best friends has for um and so um and
they they love them all so have that
conversation with your husband if he’s
just like talk to the hand and he’s not
even being a good listener having a
third party like myself hold sacred
space in a coaching session allows for
both parties to really be heard to the
core and no justifications no
interruptions no none of that but like a
profoundly potent heartfelt conversation
of deep clarity so that you guys could
come to a decision on the other side
that both of you could feel good about
that’s probably the smartest move
contact my manager at Alana Pratt calm
and book a one-off strategy session and
let’s go to the core about something
that means so much to you and let’s
remember this is a life a whole person
going to grow and contribute to this
planet let’s make sure that they are
deeply desired and wanted in your
beautiful family I would love to hold
space for that conversation what a
privilege and an honor that would be
thank you for your question love you to
pieces
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This post was previously published on www.allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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