Lady Chatterley deconstructs the myth of the sex-starved male by showing the female side of desire
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It’s wrong from the beginning. We know it. Ignore it. Coast on borrowed time. We fall into one another far too quickly. I feel myself dissolving. No longer a whole person, but an outline, colored in with parts of him.
We meet in secret, snatch hours from the top and bottom of days. We’re work colleagues, fueled by the cliché of the clandestine. Can’t be together. Can’t stay apart.
For the first time ever, my thoughts are consumed with sex. I’m hungry for it. The more I get, the more I want. It’s selfish, sweaty, fierce sex. We claw at one another. Tumble from the bed to the floor. Collapse in breathless piles of laughter.
He’s beautiful. Simultaneously soft and strong. I feel wanted. Sexy. I walk emboldened. Paint my lips red. On the nights we’re apart, desire keeps me awake. It prickles. Alive and greedy.
At work, he’s more senior than I. Has more to lose. He’s a manager in a corporate world of grey suits and strict policies. I’m squeezing in hours around uni lectures, photocopying and filing, counting down the days until summer holidays.
Away from the office in his studio apartment, we circle one another in a dance of words. His drip with logic. Mine are flung from a secret strength. A hurt that festers. A hurt I believe is proof of love. We stall. We sink. We surrender. I wake once again, tangled in sheets and secrets.
I run and return. He runs. And doesn’t. Crawls back sheepish with a mouthful of love. And I believe in his love because he says all the right things. It’s dramatic and passionate. Like I think love should be. And I’m not sure if I’m happy, but his absence is intolerable. We can’t be together. Can’t stay apart.
We fall into a cycle of talk and tears. Of sex and sleep. I fumble through days, write essays on American literature. And fold in beside him at night, safe in an unsafe haven.
“Why are you with him?” My friends chorus.
“But the sex!” I say. “And I love him. I think.” They look at me like I’m a woman possessed.
A business trip forces three weeks between us. Soon after he leaves, I’m lost in a new rhythm of coffee and study and girlfriends. Out of touch and sight, my desire for him wanes.
Straddling timezones over the phone, we scramble to fill the silence. I realize I don’t know if he has any siblings. That I crave his body. His scent. His stubble under my fingers. And not his words. He asks me what I’m wearing. Doesn’t ask about my exam.
“I lust you.” He says.
“I lust you too.”
Reunited, we struggle to slip back into each other’s lives. Exam weary, I chase sleep. Not sex. And the quiet still of time on my own. He stops texting every day and I stop hoping each message is his. We stall. We sink. We surrender.
It was wrong from the beginning. We knew it. Can’t ignore it any longer. It isn’t love. Infatuation perhaps. Each with an idealized, and incomplete version of the other. The spell splinters. Breaks. There are no books or CD’s to exchange. Not even a toothbrush.
We part. Leave with our selves intact.
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Image credit: Flickr/eschipul
I’m not sure why so many men think women don’t lust after them. Is it because the male body isn’t fetishized? Because they think women only see men as success objects? Because they think women only love, but don’t lust?
Even if women love, they can also lust. And they may also lust without love. And men may lust after lovers long after the fetish response diminishes or disappears.
I truly don’t get why so many men think women don’t lust. If anyone would care to explain, I’m all ears.
@BroadBlogs,
Yes, women do lust after men. Most of the time they seem to lust after the same 20%-25% of men.
Also, it could be lusting after any man whom they find sexually attractive at the moment. A matter of timing I call it. They want Mr. Right Now!
Hi BroadBlogs. Trying to come up with an answer, based on my experience. Noy sure how it fits on a general level. I’m 40 years old. (or actually closer to 45 than 40 nowadays…) I’ve been in 3 committed relationships for a combined total of about 8 years in my life. I’ve Always been fit, not muscle-y but lean and in good shape. But one thing that tells me that I was not lusted after, was that I never had any of these women just look at me. When I was going to the shower, when I was undressing for… Read more »
Why do you assume that the way men lust has to be the same way women lust? I may not eye-f*ck a guy’s body but that doesn’t mean I don’t have strong passionate feelings! It’s like you are looking for women to be mirror images of men. While there are some things men and women will agree on or behave similary on, there are some ways we won’t. Just because a woman doesn’t devour your body with her eyes doesn’t mean she doens’t experience lust. I think part of the problem is that men may be looking for women’s sexuality… Read more »
They were chasing tail,as grandpa would tell it,not love.She said as much.I am not one to attach a great deal of nobility to that effort. I am not against people trying to find love.I don’t know of ANY human being who can actually define love.I know even fewer that can bring it.Please,don’t tell me how sad you are for me becauae you presume I have been somehow deprived.Thanks but,no thanks.I just value love differently than many folks.I fear we use the concept too much and have cheapened it.And love experts have exploded onto the scene like popcorn a summer movie.The… Read more »
@Iben I have had lots of different experiences with women.I haven’t been dating the same kind of woman repeatedly.I have purposefully sought out different experiences with women of different races,cultures,religions,classes,and bodytypes.In the process,when it comes to sex, I have learned it is best to strip away pretense and strive for clarity.I have also learned that, more often than not, this is difficult to achieve. With many women, sexuality is anything but straightforward ,and, is shrouded by all manner of habit.Women have sex, potentially, for hundreds of reasons.Most of those reasons are seldom regarded as a part of the general conversation.I… Read more »
If there ever was a “Quote of the day”, this was it!
5 stars. Thank you!
@ogwriter
“So,if someone wants to fuck the big man on campus because that’s their turn on.Damn,just admit it,and,let the playing cards fall where they may.”
Hey Bro!!! How have you been? Hope all is well.
I love your quote here too. This is the problem I have been on a rant about with women for years. There is always some excuse, or some level of a lack of accountability……It’s like Flip Wilson used to say, “The devil made me do it!”
@ogwriter: love is not black and white. it is not in nor out, it is a very short umbrella term that describes many, many things. people make bad choices in the name of love all the time. not just romantic love. people make bad choices for love of friends, family, art, passion, freedom, exhiliration, and on and on. that is what makes it a form of love; when the benefit towards the love is greater than the negativity towards the life. or however it may be perceived. if someone perceives the love, of sex or of the mind or the… Read more »
@intelli G You write,..”People make bad choices in the name of love all the time.” How do you know that they are in love?Is there a test of some kind of test?Perhaps one can tell simply by looking at someone?If you do have such knowledge,indeed,such power,please share.This character went from, I know it’s not love AND I know it’s wrong,but fuck it,let’s do this anyway.Then the feelings fell right off the the side of a building to…perhaps it’s infatuation.Before coming full circle,finally,back to the shallow truth.This is not simply making a little mistake.This is behaving in bad faith.This is behaving… Read more »
I am defintely not opposed to two consenting adults seeking carnal pleasure.That’s none of my business. I dig women who are comfortable enough to be straight up about their sexual desires.I direct your attention to the opening lines of the piece, “It was wrong from the beginning.We knew it ignore it…Coast on borrowed time.” This is a pretty clear declaration that she was aware of that she was engaged in self deception..Later,at the end of the relationship,as the high tide of lust receded,she finally realizes that her flirtation with love was insincere and had been all along.However,one cannot realize what… Read more »
Nothing wrong with 2 consenting adults enjoying each other sexually. It wasn’t for the long term but you both clearly enjoyed your affair. No one seems hurt. I don’t see this as deceitful in the least.
Hi Lady,
Thanks for sharing, interesting story 🙂
However, I don’t get the undertitle, how this is in any supposed to “deconstruct[s] the myth of the sex-starved male by showing the female side of desire”. Yes, I understand that females may also have desires. But how that affects the “sex-starved male”, and to what extent it is a myth, I can’t quite comprehend within this context.
But then again, I guess the undertitle may well have been added by an editor, and it was never your intention as an author to “spin” the article in that direction?
Best regards /K
Hello @ogwriter,
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment on my piece. It’s interesting that you raise the theme of deceit. There was no deceit in this situation, simply two people, attempting to work out what they meant to one another. And ultimately realising that while they had a sexual connection, it wasn’t to evolve into a more serious relationship.
Thanks again for reading.
LC.
@The Lady You mean women have and act on pure unadulterated lust?!Women actually fake being in love to justify their lust?You my dear have opened up a sophisticated can of worms.This doesn’t appear to be the kind of subject matter-women being deceitful to themselves and others to have sex-that is seldom discussed on GMP.I predict that few women will want to step into this ring of fire.
Sorry, I don’t think that’s what this piece is about at all. It’s about a woman lusting for a man. It’s about consensual desire. It’s about sexual desire that may or may not be connected to deep romantic love. Most importantly, it’s about how not only men lust for others + why simply that state of desiring someone else can be a beautiful thing. This piece questions gender stereotypes in a beautiful way. I’m happy to see it in the GMP. And by the way, there’s no mention of deceit here. Just that the lust is a secret.
Hi Ogwriter
Is this your experience with women:
✺”You mean women have and act on pure unadulterated lust?!Women actually fake
being in love to justify their lust?You my dear have opened up a sophisticated can of worms.This
doesn’t appear to be the kind of subject matter-women being deceitful to themselves and others
to have sex-that is seldom discussed on GMP.I predict that few women will want to step into this
ring of fire.”✺
Why not write an article about it here on GMP?