Kindness Goes a Long Way

The Greek proverb says, “Kindness begets kindness.” Perhaps, there’s never been a more relevant time for these simple words. Yet, simple doesn’t necessarily translate as easy or natural. In Aikido, the late Mizukami Sensei was the Master of Simplicity. He’d say, “Everything [Aikido technique] natural.” Still, I had to practice over, and over, and over, and over again to evolve the technique as natural, to become part of me.

Simple enough. Yet, evolving the seemingly unnatural, as natural required rigorous discipline and dedication over years of training. Over my 58 years, I got kindness in much the same way, by training. At least for me, kindness wasn’t natural, not what I’m thrown to have.

Suffering the unkindness of my abusive childhood, learning to be kind, to have compassion wasn’t at all natural. Still, kindness in the world makes a profound difference for others, including me. Amen.

Aikido Founder Morihei Ueshiba, O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” In my years of Aikido training and just living life, victory over myself was learning to be kinder to me. Mizukami Sensei’s kindness taught me to be a good man. I’m forever grateful for his kindness, for his love. Nothing, but mad love and respect for Sensei.

My heroes live kindness. Ellen DeGeneres says, “Be kind to one another.” Cheryl Hunter says, “Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself.” Cheryl is the kindest, strongest person I know on Planet Earth. I find solace in Cheryl’s words when I’m fearful and unkind to myself. There can never be enough kind people in the world. There can never be enough kindness in the world.

Kindness sources our compassion for others, in getting who they are. Werner Erhard said that what we want most as human beings, other than being loved, is to be gotten.

When I generate who I am over here, as who you are over there, and you experience that, you’re being gotten. In Aikido that’s awase, matching up, becoming one with another. Getting what it is to be another person takes practice and more practice.

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Getting other people is the possibility of compassion, the possibility of love, the possibility of kindness. Kindness certainly goes a long way, too.

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Years ago, I taught 13-year-old Adam Aikido. His single Mom, Joyce, brought Adam to the Dojo to begin his Aikido training. Joyce graciously granted Mizukami Sensei permission to teach Adam Aikido, and to raise him to be a good man. She wanted the best for her son. As instructors, we all assisted Sensei in that purpose. We got it. We got Adam. We had his back.

Adam was the quiet, tall, lanky, very smart kid. Joyce said that Adam did his research on martial arts and chose Aikido. He loved Aikido. He trained very intensely.

Adam learned Aikido techniques quickly. Although, when he didn’t get the technique as quickly or well as he had expected, he got so very angry at himself. He demanded perfection of himself. Although, Adam was kind to others, he was so very unkind to himself when he made mistakes. He wasn’t allowed to make any mistakes. He had to be perfect. That landed so familiarly for me.

I was Adam when I was 13 years old. He was my reckoning in kindness, in forgiving myself. As I taught Adam, I taught myself to accept what am and what I’m not.

When Adam messed up a technique, I’d say, “Don’t beat yourself up. Do it again. You can do it.” No one told me that when I was 13 years old. What I really wanted and needed to hear back then. What I said was meaningful to Adam, and more meaningful to me.

Dad was unkind when I was small. At least, I could show kindness to myself in showing kindness to Adam. In teaching Adam, I got to forgive myself and heal.

Adam was the gifted Aikido student and a good young man. He rapidly advanced in his training. More importantly, he had fun. He loved what he did. When he got close making black belt I said, “Remember, use your powers for good, not evil.” My way of saying, “I love you.” In a way, I began to love me, too.

Adam made Shodan, 1st-degree black belt, before his 18^th birthday. I was so proud. The Dojo was, too. For his high school graduation, Joyce asked us to write a letter to Adam. She would collect the letters and present them as Adam’s graduation gift.

I wrote: I will never be a father. That ship had sailed long ago. Though, if I could have had a son, it would be you [Adam]. I’m so proud of the man that you’ve become…”

Today, Adam is studying for his Ph.D. in Linguistics. I’m so very proud of him. I love Adam.

Kindness for others and for ourselves certainly goes a long way. Kindness may save the world as we now experience it. More than just saying. There can always be more kindness in the world. We can always be kinder to others and be kinder to yourself. Amen. Amen.

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