If you’re like many single men, you could be looking at a long, lonely New Year’s Eve. Just you and Ryan Seacrest watching the ball—and your romantic hopes—drop.
More like New Year’s Rotten Eve.
It’s part of a larger loneliness trend that’s brutalizing American males. According to a recent Pew poll, 1 in 3 adult men are romantically unattached, a record high. And an astounding 63 percent of men aged 18-30 are single, compared to 34 percent of young women.
I’m a dating coach for men, and my mission is to help single guys connect with great women and find love.
With all the festive energy, bustling bars, and parties, New Year’s is perhaps the best night of the year for a single guy to go out and make sparks fly …And just maybe, land a midnight kiss.
Here are 24 approaching tips to help you click with someone special, leading to a romantic, connected, consensual kiss on NYE. Come midnight, it may not be just confetti that is starting to fall.
NO. 1: GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO APPROACH
Many men are terrified to approach women. I once coached a firefighter who could run into burning buildings, but couldn’t talk to a cute girl at his local pub.
So hear this: It’s NOT creepy or weird to talk to women in a bar or restaurant. True, women don’t want every guy to approach them, but single women like it when a gentleman chats them up with charm.
NO. 2: CONVEY THE AUTHENTIC YOU
Forget all the cheesy, scripted lines and gimmicks that pervade so much dating content. And ignore the awful advice from the Manosphere about being an “alpha male.” That’s toxic nonsense.
When talking to a woman, be authentic. Channel the most honest, distilled version of you. Because that’s you at your most confident and attractive.
When you hide behind lines or a persona, a woman can tell. Her bullshit detector is as finely tuned as a Richter scale. But when you’re authentic, you awaken your best, truest self. It’s the difference between a watery wine spritzer and a shot of Irish whiskey.
The man you are at your core—comic-book nerd, single dad, brainy introvert, dorky engineer—show women that guy.
NO. 3: FIND THE RIGHT VENUE
The bigger and more crowded the venue you choose, the better. Successful approaching is partially a numbers game. It might take a dozen conversations before you click with someone. Google “New Year’s Eve Events Near Me” to find spacious bars, lounges or restaurants in your area that are throwing bashes on Dec. 31. Buy your ticket in advance.
NO. 4: BRING A WINGMAN
You can go out solo on NYE, but it’s so much easier if you have a buddy at your side.
NO. 5: DRESS TO IMPRESS
If you’re not Hollywood handsome, no worries. Women don’t care if you’re good-looking. They care if you’re looking good.
When it comes to romantic success, good looks are like Jacuzzis—nice to have but overrated. Yet, sharp style is a must. In a Men’s Health survey, 78 percent of women said that dressing well is the sexiest thing a man can do, and 85 percent said that a well-dressed gent is sexier than a millionaire.
Some style rules: Your shirt, pants, and jacket should be tailored for your body, or appear to be. No baggy, ill-fitting clothes. And no pleated khakis! (Be a hot guy, not a Helpful Honda Guy.)
NO. 6: DO THIS WHEN YOU ENTER THE VENUE
Walk up to the very first person you see—woman, man, grandma, alien—and say, “Happy New Year!” Short and sweet. You’re adjusting to the environment and getting into a conversational mode.
NOS. 7 to 9: TEST-DRIVE THESE 3 OPENERS
“What are your resolutions for 2024?” (It shows genuine interest)
“I saw you and wanted to meet you. I’m [Name].” (Direct yet vulnerable)
“You seem like you’re up to no good tonight.” (“You” statements are powerful openers because they’re about her.)
NO. 10: SEE “REJECTION” AS A WIN
Most single guys view approaching as a win-lose coin toss. Heads-or-fails. Instead, see every approach as a success, because you’ll either create a romantic connection with a woman (win!) or you’ll put another brick in the cathedral of your character (win!).
NO. 11: OPEN LOTS OF CONVERSATIONS
The more women you talk to, the better your chances for that midnight make-out. Commit to breaking the ice with someone new at least every 15 minutes, until a spark ignites. Plan to approach a dozen ladies, give or take.
NO. 12: CONFIDENTLY PROJECT YOUR VOICE
The way you use your voice signals your confidence level to others. Make sure your volume meets or slightly exceeds the baseline conversational noise level of the venue. Pro tip: Gesture with your hands and arms while you speak. Boldness with your body can dial up the decibels of your voice.
NO. 13: STAND TALL AND LOOK HER IN THE EYE
One winter night, I saw a woman wearing a stylish coat. I chatted her up and got her number. On our first date, I asked her what she’d liked about that initial conversation. I was fishing for a compliment about my opening line, but she didn’t remember what I’d said. “You know what impressed me?” she told me. “You stood up straight and looked me in the eye.”
NO. 14: TAKE ROMANTIC RISKS
There’s a paradox with approaching: Safe is risky, and risky is safe. A committed move that feels risky is actually a safer strategy because it’s more impactful. (Think Daniel Day-Lewis committing to a role, or LeBron James committing to driving to the hoop.)
On the flipside, a “safe,” walking-on-eggshells approach (using a timid voice, saying “Sorry to bother you…”) is very risky because appearing indecisive lowers your stature increasing the likelihood of rejection.
When you approach, you must fully commit, as if you KNOW it will go well. Be risky—it’s the safest thing you can do.
NO. 15: TALK ABOUT YOU AND HER
She’s her favorite subject in the world, and you are her second favorite for as long as you two speak. Keep it about you and her, not the weather, politics, or other people.
NOS. 16-18: ASK HER THESE 3 QUESTIONS
“What’s Your Name?”
Everyone’s favorite word is their first name. (My second favorite word? Diphthong.) So learn her name within a couple minutes of meeting her. And tell her yours. Exchanging names turns you from two strangers talking to two single people getting to know each other.
“Who Are You Here With?”
A woman you meet on New Year’s Eve will be out with people. You need to know if she’s with friends, family, a date, her rabbi, etc. It’s valuable intel.
“What Do You Do for Fun—Besides Flirt with Charming Men in Bars?”
This question shows your interest in her interests. It’s also playful and flirty.
NO. 19: GIVE A POWER COMPLIMENT
During a conversation, notice what trait (besides her physical features) you like about her. Her wit? Intelligence? Lilting laugh? Tell her! Say, “You know what’s really sexy about you? It’s the way you [thing that impresses you.]” Many guys see her outer beauty. Be the rare gentleman who notices her inner beauty. This will make her feel special.
NO. 20: BEFRIEND HER FRIENDS
Meet the people she’s with. Be friendly and sincere with them. Women love it when a guy bonds with her posse. Winning over her friends will help you win her over.
NO. 21: DON’T FEAR THE CHEEK
In all my years dating, I’ve never (as far as I know) blown it with a woman by going for a kiss and getting the cheek. But I blew it many times by hesitating to kiss a girl when the moment was right. (“You should have kissed me by now,” a date once told me. “Sorry, but you had your chance.”)
You don’t lose points with women by going for a kiss and getting the cheek. You will lose points if you’re too afraid to try.
NOS. 22-24: THREE WAYS TO GO FOR THE FIRST KISS
OK, you’re hitting it off with a wonderful woman, and midnight draws nigh. Here are three simple, sexy, consensual moves to help you lock lips.
“I Want to Kiss You”
Saying “I want to kiss you” conveys more confidence than shyly asking, “May I…?” Directness is hot! If she says something like, “Go ahead” then you’re good! If she demurs (“I barely know you…”), no sweat. Keep talking with her. Every woman has her own timetable for that first kiss.
“Close Your Eyes”
Look at her lips for an extra second or two and say, “Close your eyes.” If she lowers her lids, she’s saying “Kiss me, you fool!” Go in. If she doesn’t close her eyes, all good. The idea of kissing is now on her mind, so you’ve dialed-up the romantic sparks, and you could be smooching later.
The Kiss Bridge
This one is super smooth! During a conversation, listen for a detail to use as a verbal bridge to the first kiss. Example: She’s talking about her New Year’s resolution to take a yoga class. You say, “You know what happens to women who do yoga? They get kissed.” And move in to lock lips. Or, if she just got a big promotion, you could say, “You know what happens to women who get promoted? They get kissed.”
BONUS TIP
Sure, a New Year’s Eve kiss will be great if it happens. But what really matters is that you’re not settling for loneliness. You’re out on the town taking action as a true, charming gentleman.
Here’s what I believe: As men, we approach women the same way we should approach life: with authenticity, courage, empathy and great intentions.
Connell Barrett is a dating coach for men (“the real-life Hitch,” wrote the New York Post), the founder of DatingTransformation.com, and the author of Dating Sucks but You Don’t.
