One of the most important things Monica Simon had to learn for herself is that it’s ok to admit that a person is wrong for you.
While I was still in my broken-hearted phase after my last breakup, I drove my friends crazy.
They spent months listening to me complain about how awful my relationship was, only to hear me complain about missing him when it was over. It made no sense.
The common question would be, “But what do you like about him?” To which I would reply, “When we’re together we laugh the whole time.”
Usually, my friends would give me the look — the “this-can’t-be-real” look. Even I was confused; I always felt like I could be treated better so I broke up with him. Once I did, he was all of a sudden the greatest guy in the world.
Any way I looked at it, I just couldn’t win.
Eventually, one of my friends pointed out how I was ignoring a laundry list of bad qualities in my ex-boyfriend just to focus on the one, miniscule quality I enjoyed.
This is a common thing; so many of us know the girl who is dating the assh*le (or you are the girl dating the assh*le), who continues to put up with the bullsh*t time after time.
From my own experience in unhealthy relationships, I have to say, the girl definitely knows her boyfriend is an assh*le.
However, he makes her laugh; they have great conversations, or he makes her feel special, and whatever the reason, there’s always that one thing about the guy that makes us stay.
To a certain extent, it’s nice we can all look at the positive aspects of our significant others. The problem is, sometimes that’s all we look at.
If your best friend was to blow off a concert you bought tickets to, or tell you that you aren’t allowed to go out without him or her, you’d probably laugh in that friend’s face.
So, why is it different when it comes to being treated poorly by the person you love?
When you break up, you forget about the list of things you could not stand about your former significant other. You just know you are alone and you miss the good things.
Sometimes, you even get back together and vow to accept his or her negative qualities for better or worse because the laughter is worth the pain.
Or is it?
Chances are if you are breaking up, you aren’t made to be together. Something that bothers you about the way your boyfriend treats you will always bother you.
If there are five things that annoy you for every one thing you like about your girlfriend, you are out of balance.
One of the most important things I had to learn for myself is that it’s okay to admit this person is wrong for you.
It’s completely okay to walk away from a person who makes you laugh and can carry a conversation because the rest of his or her personality sucks.
You’ll never find someone perfect; there will always be good and bad traits — that’s not the problem.
The problem is you think you can’t find another person who makes you laugh and doesn’t have a laundry list of sh*tty personality traits.
The good news? You can — I promise you. There are more funny people in the world who are just waiting for you and will treat you the way you deserve.
So stop dating the guy with the laundry list of things that piss you off; it’s not worth it. If you keep breaking up and getting back together, stop.
Remember the trait for which you are willing to sacrifice so much and look for it in someone else.
When you find it with a person who does not treat you like sh*t, keep that person around. Hug that person and jump for joy.
It took a lot of work, but you did it.
About the author
Monica Simon is a quirky, non-hipster who hates North Face jackets. Her writing includes topics like the pursuit of happiness, fall-on-your-face break ups and her quarter-life crisis. For more of her writing, visit www.girlinconverse.wordpress.com.
This article originally appeared on Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
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