A true, horror story
—
Dear neighbor, so sorry that we woke you.
I realized, when we spoke, you
Had been resting in your bed.
But my daughter, young and spastic,
Had touched a prophylactic
As it seemed a balloon, instead.It lay there on the sidewalk
Purple, festive as a peacock
And begged to be explored. Oh, Dread!
Her clean, angelic fingers!
Lo! The image still it lingers!
Burned forever in my head!
I realized, when we spoke, you
Had been resting in your bed.
But my daughter, young and spastic,
Had touched a prophylactic
As it seemed a balloon, instead.It lay there on the sidewalk
Purple, festive as a peacock
And begged to be explored. Oh, Dread!
Her clean, angelic fingers!
Lo! The image still it lingers!
Burned forever in my head!
It was with no small share of panic,
And a mental state near manic,
That I scanned the street for a friend.
O ho! Your street, was just one block
On your door, pal, we must knock
To plead for help. To beg!
And a mental state near manic,
That I scanned the street for a friend.
O ho! Your street, was just one block
On your door, pal, we must knock
To plead for help. To beg!
Please! Bring soap and scalding water!
Perhaps some bone shears and a cauter?
“Save her!” “Take the arm!” I said.
But my friend, cool collected,
Let us in and so directed,
“To the sink!” and halt the viral spread.
Perhaps some bone shears and a cauter?
“Save her!” “Take the arm!” I said.
But my friend, cool collected,
Let us in and so directed,
“To the sink!” and halt the viral spread.
There we scrubbed, soaped, and wire brushed,
Abraded, scraped, and in no rush,
Made certain all germs, dead.
Abraded, scraped, and in no rush,
Made certain all germs, dead.
With hands clean as able
Situation, critical, now stable
Situation, critical, now stable
I breathed and cleared my head.
Our hygiene a success (assumed)
And hands so fastidiously groomed,
Out of the room and door, we were led.
Our neighbor, a Nightingale plus Salk,
Wished us well and, on our short walk,
That no further horror beset us.
That no further horror beset us.
But before we were departed,
A lesson, for me, was started,
By her, and this is what she said:
“Its nasty and disgusting
That litterbugs need busting
And little girls go through hell.
That litterbugs need busting
And little girls go through hell.
And condom throwers (rubber vandals?)
Don’t care if you’re in sandals
And I’d as soon see ’em in a cell.
Don’t care if you’re in sandals
And I’d as soon see ’em in a cell.
But, Dad, folks are gross and icky
And trash is filthy, rank and sticky
So next time, dummy, bring Purell”
So next time, dummy, bring Purell”
(thanks apologies to Edgar Allen Poe)
—
Photo: Edmund Dulac and then me with a sharpie
haha ewwww!
Tell me about it, Carrie. Thank God for living in a little city near friends. Forever unclean! thanks for reading.