This is not a bond born overnight, but one that is developed, tested, and cultured throughout a lifetime of mutual experiences.
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It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. ~Marlene Dietrich
Every once in a while, I am confronted by some social disconnect, something that doesn’t seem familiar or even contradictory to my own personal experience. I simply blame it to on a “Culture Gap” if the information is based on a different regional definition. When I read the article on Why Men’s Friendships Can Feel So EMPTY, a wonderful article done by Mark Greene about the disconnect between men in their friendships, I understood that is was probably based on a Culture Gap since I couldn’t personally relate to it. Let me make this perfectly clear, Mr. Greene’s article is great and speaks about a deep truth within most male interactions, but I just could not relate when I took into account my own close male friends, my Best Men. For me, these gentlemen are more than brothers, they are my Compadres, and we are rather vocal about it as we referring to each other as part of the Caballero Club. Yes, we know it sounds like a strip club.
Anyone who has been exposed to the Latino Culture has heard the term Compadre every once in a while. Maybe this is the first time you’ve seen the word, maybe you just don’t watch enough Univision or Telemundo, or you do so with the volume turned down as to not distract you from the talented Actresses. I won’t hold that against you. If you Google up the definition of Compadre, it comes up as “Your son’s Godfather.” Some online translators go as far as to mention the terms “Benefactor” or even “Friend”. Sounds pretty simple, right? That definition is not even close to the reality of the concept.
One of the biggest realizations a Gentleman must make is “Life is Hard”, sometimes too hard to handle alone.
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I used to think how male friendships in the US were probably similar to their TV counterparts, with terms like “Bro,” “brother from another mother,” “Best Man,” or “Wingman,” present in every “Guy” flick and Buddy film. I would also wonder who talked like that in real life. I can only bet the same misconceptions must happen to guys in the US when they hear the term “Godfather;” giving them visions of Francis Ford Coppola’s Magnum Opus. After a little exposure to the world, I came to the realization that neither concept is correctly presented nor does art always reflect life.
The Compadre, translated loosely into the term “Best Man,” is a pretty old tradition from all over Europe and America. He is there at your wedding or at your child’s baptism. There is a misconception about the Best Man traditional for weddings. He wasn’t there to keep the groom from running away. He was there to make sure nobody would try to stop the marriage, including the bride’s family. He was the groom’s accomplice, helping the future husband break in to his paramour’s home and “liberate” the future bride in case her father did not approve the union. Keep in mind there was a very thin line between culture and religion in many of these old traditions. He’s the man you would bring along in case your personal character was questioned, making sure the impending Duel stayed honorable, or dishonorable if it was convenient. Your Best Man would be the Gentleman who you trusted enough to have your back in a life or death situations. You don’t choose your blood brother, but you do choose your Best Man. This was a brotherhood forged by trust, faith, and absolute loyalty to each other.
Unfortunately we have been groomed by the media to applaud the lone wolf, the independent outsider instead of the “buddy-cops.” It’s easier to market a single protagonist as we are presented with a “Man” we could live vicariously through, a man who needs nobody, who only trusts his own skills and determination. We are taught to emulate this anti-hero, not realizing the basic side-effect of not trusting anyone is nobody can trusts you.
One of the biggest realizations a Gentleman must make is “Life is Hard”, sometimes too hard to handle alone. That epiphany does not make you weak, but actually the opposite. You understand your limitations and are strong enough to know when you have to call for help. It teaches you humility. It also teaches you compassion when someone needs your help every once in a while.
You know if something ever happened to you, they will take care of your most important obligation, your kids, as they took care of you in life.
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And that is where your Best Man comes in. We all should have that friend we can trust to be there; our wing man, our Best Man. This is the person you can call up at four in the morning to help you out, and you know he will be there for you, no questions asked. They are the ones that have your back when you get into a fight. They are the ones who will, after the fight is done, beat the crap out of you when they find out the fight was your fault. They are the ones with whom you can cry about lost love, and the same ones who will slap some reason into your head, forcing you to realize she wasn’t worth it. They are the ones you would call to bail you out; if it wasn’t that they are probably sitting next to you in the same jail cell, laughing at what you guys did. They are the ones who are willing to meet up with you in the dark end of a wooded area and bring the shovels without asking why you have several wet trash bags that need to be buried. He would do this for you, and he knows you would do the same for them. This is not a bond born overnight, but one that is developed, tested, and cultured throughout a lifetime of mutual experiences.
When I discuss this concept with some men, their reply is generally along the lines of not willing to trust anyone so much. The truth is that most people who think like that are projecting their own morals ambiguities. Chances are that if you are not willing to trust anyone blindly, it’s because you know that you cannot be trusted blindly yourself.
Your Best Man is the one you trust with your life, and you trust them to continue this loyalty onto death. You know if something ever happened to you, they will take care of your most important obligation, your kids, as they took care of you in life. He is not your Compadre because of his relationship with your kids. He’s your kid’s Godfather because his relationship with you.
That is what it means to be a Compadre, a wing man, a Best Man.
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Photo: wbaiv/Flickr