I’m 53 years old and still in search of my “happily ever after”. Yes, I’ve had significant relationships and yes, I’ve been married. But in the spaces in between, I have dated using mainly dating apps. Sigh.
I’ve been on over 100 dating-app-first-dates. Even if there wasn’t that elusive chemistry, most of them were great dates with great guys.
I’ve engaged in dozens of open conversations with these guys and others about their thoughts on dating-app-fails. Through these conversations, I learned the most common things women do to effectively deter great guys from swiping right, messaging, meeting or agreeing to go on a second date.
As you can imagine, these honest conversations were accompanied by a lot of laughing, cringing and drinking. So here, goes…
Ladies, if you’re using dating apps but deep-down want to build up that wall and avoid attracting “your person”, I’ve compiled a list of 10 things to do to keep from finding your soulmate.
(Do these especially if you don’t want a plus-one to your sister’s wedding.)
. . .
10. Say “don’t take me seriously, just use me for sex”
To make sure he knows you’re only good for a few fun nights, only post sexy pics and keep your write-up limited to sexual suggestions.
As you ladies out there know, visual attraction is incredibly important to men (even the good ones) and sexy profiles with flirtatious writeups grab their attention.
But about 80% of men said that if your profile doesn’t bring anything other than sexual enticement, they think, “doesn’t she think she has anything more to offer?”. The great guys will pass.
Don’t get me wrong, you’ll get lots of responses from sub-par guys that want to take you up on your offer. This will keep you in short “relationships” with mediocre guys that last just long enough to regret.
You’re left single, wondering why all the guys on dating apps are just out for sex.
9. Skip the pics
As I mentioned before, visual attraction is important to men, including the good guys. A pictureless profile is a huge red flag for men on dating apps. If they can’t see you, they wonder what you are hiding. Married? Disfigured?
They swipe left and move on to the next profile with pretty pics.
Let’s be clear though, there are creepers out there that will swipe right on any and every profile hoping that if they cast a wide enough net, they’re bound to catch something.
You will still receive messages, but rest assured your pictureless profile will deter the majority of the great guys you are trying to avoid.
Leaving out profile pics will leave you as desired single with no-mans.
8. Let him know you’re a gold-digger
Rupee groupie, panner, material girl, hanger-on-er or whatever it’s called these days.
WebMD (yes, even WebMD.com warns of these women) defines a gold digger as:
Add something to your profile writeup that signifies that you want a man who will spend money on you. Use phrases like “taken care of”, “spoil me” and “I’m a queen”.
Guys can spot a gold digger 10 swipes away and the great guys are looking for an equal partner, not a parasite. It doesn’t matter how sexy your pics are, they only see you as a superficial, leaching hottie and swipe left.
Bam! Just as planned, you are still single without your soulmate to show off at your company Christmas Party.
7. Fake him out with filtered selfies
This has been unanimous in my survey sample. All men say that they hate filtered pics. This is similar to posting old pics of yourself when you were fresh, thin and fit.
In both scenarios, a lot of guys (including great guys), will swipe right hoping you look as great in person. You respond, start messaging and then agree to meet up.
You can’t hide the fact that your pictures are just a bait-and-switch tactic.
If he responded to the beach babe on the right, what does he think when the average lady on the left walks in?
He’ll bail. But mostly because he feels conned. If he’s a gentleman, he’ll wait to ghost you until after the date.
After a few un-replied texts, you’ll know for sure that you won’t receive flowers on Valentines’ Day.
6. Icks…ick
Most normal, reasonable people have little things about the opposite sex that bug us. But to some picky single women, instead of being small annoyances these little icks are dealbreakers.
They are unpredictable and highly unique to each woman. So, adding a detailed list of them to your profile is a great way to make sure every male reader knows your peculiarities.
As you know, men don’t really like walking on eggshells. So, when a great guy sees your list, he will most certainly swipe left. He wants to avoid that first date where you are picking him apart.
Problem solved, listing your icks on your profile saves you from a nice dinner out with a great guy. Instead you’re eating in with no one around to make you ick.
5. Man-bashing, really let him have it
Bring your baggage into your cyber dating-profile. Pack your hurts, disappointments, relationship failures and unresolved childhood trauma.
If you don’t have a lot of history to bring, you can channel your inner Amber Heard. Really let those nice, single men have it as you unload your Johnny Depp dumpster fire into your profile.
Solid, grounded men avoid angry women and swiping right on your profile will assure him that he will have to shoulder your baggage and never be forgiven for things he didn’t do.
You can remain single, angry and maybe, if you’re lucky, bitter.
4. Damn girl, that is a looong text
I think woman agree that men have the attention span of a house fly and don’t read more than 3 or 4 lines into our profile writeup.
So, when your profile has an on-going text blob, he’ll see it, scroll enough to see that you are over-sharing into the dating-app-void, and move on to the next profile with pretty pics and a short write up.
If an unusually great guy happens to swipe right after reading your tedious brain-dump, you can stay single by texting long texts even when his responses are short and sweet.
Eventually, he’ll decide you either talk too much or are sharing too much, too soon. Either way he tapers his messaging to zero, and you are eventually ghosted.
Again, you are single. You can continue to text/talk to your heart’s content to your single girlfriends. You may even want to blame him because he couldn’t handle an open, communicative woman like yourself.
3. Turn yourself into a forty-niner
Swiping right is like gambling on racehorses you’ve never seen run.
When a great guy bets on you and swipes right, he determined with limited information he wants to get to know you. To make sure you stay single, act like you’re way out of his league and really hot, like a 9.
Act like you have nothing to lose and he’s going to have to work for it. In actuality, acting this way makes your “hotness” drop significantly and he starts seeing you as a 4.
So, you become a forty-niner. No normal guy is willing to put up with a rude, demanding 4 who acts like a 9.
He doesn’t ask you on a second date and goes back to gambling on actual 9’s, and you are out of the race.
2. Put off meeting in person
After taking all of the advice given here, if you still happen to have a great guy swipe right, message and then offer to meet, you’re gonna have to bring out the big guns to get rid of him.
You can’t agree to meet because you might actually vibe, and that’s not in the “stay single” plan. You’re going to have to make excuses and blow him off.
At first, this will only make him want you more, guys love a good challenge, but stick with it. After he realizes you’re delaying, he’ll start wondering what you are hiding. He’ll start thinking about the catfishes and other dating-app horror stories his friends have told him and eventually go away on his own.
Yeah, you may get an occasional “hyd” but trust me he’s gone for good.
1. Put him in the pressure cooker
Ok…You’ve attracted a great guy. You’ve met and are continuing to speed down the highway of love. Your next date is coming up and you’re feeling it, this is going somewhere.
You’re in emergency mode; you’re going to have to scare him away. Great guys say the number one thing women do to repel them is pressure them into a commitment.
Try these…
The one thing I know about men when it comes to relationships is they don’t respond well to pressure. Pushing him will only push him away and he’ll end up blowing-off your date.
Done and done. Single! and your soulmate is nowhere to be found.
Goal Achieved: You’ve deterred any possibility of a soulmate
Ladies, I hope this list of dating app tips gives you some guidance on how to build up that wall and avoid great guys. Now you can focus on the mediocre, leftovers who continue to swipe right regardless of how inaccurate and dysfunctional you seem.
. . .
Seriously Tho…
The only reason dating apps are so popular is there are millions of single people who remain hopeful they will find “their person”.
I have faith there is someone out there for you.
But ladies, when the universe brings you that one special guy, be open to his profile, right-swipe and give him a chance.
I believe he’s out there for you!
—
This post was previously published on Long. Sweet. Valuable.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
 |
 |
 |
 The Reality All Women Experience (that Men Don’t Know About) |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock
