Learn to Enjoy Losing in 5 Easy Steps

Writing is one big ol’ waiting game.

Nothing is certain. Nothing is a guarantee. Did you know that I watch my stats crawl at a snail’s pace every week? That I question, every single week, whether I’m doing the right thing here?

It’s true. It’s also true that every week, I remember one very important fact: despite my slow pace, those numbers are undeniably going up.

My articles per week are increasing, and as a silent nod to my hard work, so are my reads. My numbers might be crawling along at a painfully slow speed, but at least they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing: climbing.

And that’s a good thing — Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I am also just one, teeny, tiny person trying to make something of this whole thing, and honestly, I’ve learned how to be comfy right where I am. I’m comfortable with my position on this ladder. I’m taking my time, and I’m happy with my progress, even if it often feels like I’m losing it.

Here’s how you can be, too.

#1 — Distract yourself

Sometimes, a healthy distraction is all you need to keep yourself level-headed.

My husband is so pro at this. He’s a software developer, and sometimes, when he’s stuck on some code or process (or whatever it is that software developers do), he gets up from his desk, walks to the door, and leaves.

He takes a walk down the avenue or he circles the building, but the point is, he is nowhere near his desk — or his problem.

This helps solve two of his hangups: one is the actual problem he’s trying to solve; clarity brings answers more often than not. The second is his frustration with his career progress. By getting outdoors, breathing in fresh air, and enjoying a change of scenery, perspectives can shift and stressors can dim.

Distracting yourself with a shift in your day-to-day cycles is a great way to shake off the stench of perceived failure and the grime that self-doubt leaves behind.

It’s cleansing, and it’s necessary.

#2 — Shift your goal posts

Maybe, just maybe, if things aren’t working out like you’d hoped, you need to adjust your goal posts a smidge.

Goals are valuable. They give you a benchmark for where to aim, and it feels great when you meet them. I had a goal last year to reach 1,000 followers, and it felt so amazing when I beat that goal.

Imagine if my goal was huge, though? Like 10,000 followers? Even that daily upward trickle of followers would feel like a pittance compared to the boatloads I would need to reach my lofty goal. A goal that is too big and daunting is nothing but demotivating.

To keep yourself feeling chipper with your middle-ground position, try making goals like:

writing two additional articles every month
tweeting three times a day instead of just once
sharing your work on the platforms you’re comfortable sharing on
earning ten subscribers by the end of the Summer

Breaking goals into little chunks like that will help keep you steady and content with where you’re hanging on the metaphorical ladder. It will also make meeting those goals way more likely because they’re not insane.

Nothing will make you feel like a loser more than insane goals that seem impossible to reach.

#3 — Manifest success

There’s something to be said for manifesting your own future.

Easier said than done, though — I know. It’s even harder when you feel like a loser, but a simple boost in positivity and confidence in your day-to-day thought patterns is surprisingly useful. There are a few ways to manifest the life you’re seeking:

Get rid of those limiting beliefs: they’re pointless and serve only to keep you down.
Be clear about your long-term goals: it helps a ton if you know exactly where you want to be.
Think positively: negativity will only cloud your judgment and halt your progress.
Be persistent: understand that manifesting is nothing without your hard, consistent work.
Be patient: good things really do come to those who work hard and wait patiently for their reward.

People often think of manifesting thoughts as a pretty woo kind of thing, and I’ll be honest — it often is. But it doesn’t have to be! Many people have practiced manifesting their own futures by merely working towards their goals and believing wholeheartedly that they’ll meet them. A little woo ain’t bad, either, and it’s even better when it helps you reach your goals.

It makes sense to manifest your own bright future because, honestly, depending on your goal, there’s probably not much stopping you from reaching it.

Apart from yourself, that is. You loser.

#4 — Play the long game

You’ve got to be in it to win it, and that means you play the whole game.

Baseball teams don’t win the game (officially, anyway) in their first inning. In fact, most sports and games take time to play through and for winners to emerge. Hell, even rock-paper-scissors is usually a “two out of three” situation.

There are no instant wins, but we all hope we’ll be a part of them anyway.

Sometimes the long game can feel endless. Worse still, that long game can cause people to stop, to quit, and to return to their dressing rooms defeated. It takes guts to stick it out and risk failure and the embarrassment that accompanies it. It takes guts to play through the rain and injuries and fatigue. It takes guts to lose with grace.

So have guts. You can’t win a long game without ‘em.

#5 — Don’t rush past the good stuff

There are numerous famous sayings emphasizing the importance of the journey over the destination, and for good reason.

If you aren’t careful, life will flash by and you’ll have missed it. The fun, the love, the laughs, the family dinners, the baby giggles, the graduations — the “life” things that we so often take for granted while we pursue our dreams.

Don’t forget to enjoy those things. Don’t miss the great parts of life that have nothing to do with your career or your professional growth as you strive for whatever greatness you seek. You’ll get there, and it’s fine if you get there slowly. It’s also fine if you never get there, because chances are, your goals will keep shifting over time.

There’s something to be said about the entire professional process, too. Taking slow, purposeful steps towards your goals is a great way to make sure you’re being really intentional, and that will help you stay more focused on each step, rather than on your finish line. Enjoying the little jobs that pop up along the way, picking up interesting contract work, even if it doesn’t pay well — these are the things that we can tuck away and use later, even if we don’t know it yet.

There’s so much to enjoy along the way, so don’t forget to do just that. The journey is the best part.

Final thoughts

Someone once told me that if I was ever going to succeed, I’d have to learn to get out of my own way.

And damn. That’s some good advice.

Getting into your head about your failure is the easy, natural path to take. It leads to self-deprecation, which is the fast lane to quitting. It’s so incredibly easy to put yourself in that driver’s seat. It’s easy to take that lane — it’s easy to choose failure. If you do, you can stop trying, and what’s easier than that?

What is challenging is persisting through all the losses. But sticking to your goal, making changes where you need to, and continuing down that bumpy road?

That’s how we win.

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This post was previously published on ILLUMINATION.

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