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We have a strong voice when we are children. We have no problem stating what we like, don’t like. What we want, don’t want. Who we like, don’t like. What feels good, what doesn’t. We have zero hesitation. So we speak our truth. Unaware of any consequences.
Then life happens. We experience the push back from friends, teachers, parents. We discover hurt, pain, and rejection. Our truth takes a back seat as we desire approval and validation. We start to question ourselves.
Then more life happens. And we start to experience the consequences from speaking up, being heard, and trusting our voice. We lose friendships. Get dumped. Get fired. We start to doubt our truth. Slowly we become invisible as we allow others to steal our voice.
Life has now put a muzzle on us as we gradually become invisible, living outside in instead of inside out. (Whenever we live outside in instead of inside out, we become invisible). This starts to ripple in everything we do. In what we create, how we maneuver in relationships, how we choose to love, the projects we decide to invest in, the careers we embark on. We now live with a ceiling, creating a limited world for ourselves. This caps our experiences which limits our beliefs and vice versa. We don’t know what we can do or what’s possible. We are now grayed out. Our life link is dead. We are unclickable.
We now believe we can’t → We are worth less.
And of course, what we believe will determine where we will go. In this case, not far.
If you want to start living an honest life, you must go back to living inside out instead of outside in. Take back what they, the world, ex-partners, friends, parents, teachers, past experiences, took from you. In order to do that, you must find your voice again.
Step one.
Start listening for your voice.
Not to your voice. For your voice. Most of us have to find it first. This is an ongoing process. Because you’ve been listening to other voices for so long, your own voice will be a faint whisper. It will be quiet and wobbly. But if you’re breathing, it is there. You just have to find it. Listen for it. What is it saying? What other voices are overriding your true voice? Who’s voice is the loud thundering voice? Do you need to turn that one down?
Step two.
Stand on it.
This means execute what your voice is saying. Now you listen TO your voice by backing it up with action. This is the more difficult piece. It’s one thing to be aware of your truth. It’s another to actually show that in behavior. Put your money where your mouth is. Action behind words. This is where the rubber meets the road. Where your road forks. Take the other path this time. Again, it’s not something you’re used to. It’s a new muscle you will have to exercise.
But with practice comes strength.
Like anything else.
And one day, it will be second nature to listen to your voice. It will feel strange not to.
This is the island. This is where you need to swim to. Once you get to a place where not listening to your voice feels weird, you have conditioned yourself to pull from a different place. And there’s no going back. It’s like taste buds changing. Remember how much sugar you used to eat as a kid? Remember how you could inhale two candy bars in one sitting? Remember how three donuts were nothing? Today, you may be the same feeling from half a candy bar. Today, three donuts may make you puke. Maybe one donut is plenty. That state, permanent internal change, will naturally create the space for you to be a different person who makes different choices. Choices that once were challenging and difficult.
This is growth.
This is change.
This is evolution.
The result of listening to your voice + standing on it.
You need to know what’s on the other side so you no longer give yourself a choice.
But first, let me remind you what’s at stake.
Your potential.
Yes, simply put.
Your potential as a father, mother, brother, son, daughter, teacher, friend. As an artist, entrepreneur, coach, leader. Basically as a human being. Everything you have to offer, give, the dent you’re mean to make.
That is what’s at stake if you don’t learn to find your voice, and it’s bigger than you and your fears.
Here’s the result of listening to your voice and standing on it.
First, most likely resistance from others. People are not used to making decisions based on your truth. It will make them uncomfortable. This discomfort is their sh*t. Not yours. Refuse to hold it. You may lose friends. Relationships may change. People may not like you anymore. But you have to ask yourself, because you get one life on this planet, do you want to live your story or someone else’s story of you?
Then your own discomfort since you are not used to making decisions based on your truth. Or simply put, living your own story.
But if you hold on and push through. Live your own story by listening to your voice and making decisions based on it, you will create a new path. You will create new opportunities. You will start to attract new people, people who are meant to help you, support you, and encourage you.
Most importantly, you will start to like yourself.
That’s when things tip.
And your life changes.
- Angry
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This post was originally published here and is republished with permission from the author.
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