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Achieving balance and control is a struggle for many us. In relationships, it is easier said than done. When you’ve grown accustomed to doing things a certain way, it isn’t easy to sit back and allow someone else to take over. Maintaining control makes us feel powerful, intelligent, and gives us a sense of organization.
Releasing the responsibility of something important to you doesn’t have to result in chaos or negativity. I learned this through something as simple as hanging Christmas lights and décor. I’d asked my husband for help with the outdoor lights. As usual, I made my suggestions and requests and was prepared to quickly get the job done and move on to the next task. We had reached a space on the home that was a bit higher than my husband could reach. My suggestion was to just grab a step stool for leverage. My husband had a better idea. He suggested that I place my hand on his back to hold him up. It wasn’t long before I realized that I wasn’t quite strong enough to support his weight for the duration of time that it would take to finish. However, I was willing to implement his idea in some form. I turned around and placed my back on his and walked with him as he hung the lights. It worked!!
Although I would have been so proud if he would have accepted my idea, I could see that he was pleased that I went alone with his suggestion, refrained from the banter and acted as a partner in getting the job done. I kept all of my unpleasant thoughts in my head, why don’t we just get the stool, I could be doing something else, who does he think he is having me hold him up and not just listen to me? I believe that my questions are valid, but some things are better left unsaid. I needed the assistance. I chose to ask for the help, so I had to understand that there was more than one way to complete the task and if it wasn’t my way, it wasn’t the end of the world.
I learned a great deal about myself, my husband and my relationship from the experience. Giving up the control didn’t mean that I was weak; it also didn’t mean that my way was better or worse. My husband’s approach was gentle enough to be understood as a suggestion as opposed to a demand. There really was no need for banter or debate. I am comfortable with my role as a wife and as a teammate.
Our responsibilities help us to grow. Releasing them to someone you love the most gains trust and respect. Finishing together is just as powerful as finishing alone.
We are not perfect people and we aren’t going to be in perfect relationships. However, when we self-evaluate, we enhance the quality of our relationships. Accepting help simply means you are intelligent enough to understand that marriages and committed relationships are partnerships in various ways!
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