What if we were open to be challenged on occasion, instead of being defensive and holding firm to a position that may not even serve us?
—
On the very same day I accepted a position as an Editor for The Good Men Project, I failed miserably in upholding the mission of the media company I agreed to represent.
As an independent, professional woman and as a mother, I’ve done a lot of growing in the last several years. In fact, I claim to have made a Brilliant Transformation.
Part of living consciously means being accountable, authentic and transparent in the way I relate to others.
|
This transformation occurred because I overcame more than 20 years of debilitating depression, beat two chronic health conditions, made a career transition, and most importantly started LIVING consciously—instead of continuing to go through the motions of living life unconsciously as I had for the past 43 years.
Part of living consciously means being accountable, authentic and transparent in the way I relate to others. As such, I appreciate friends, family members, and business associates who keep me honest and question me when my communications or motivations don’t come across as genuine. In other words, I want others to call me out on my bullshit. For clarity, I define “bullshit” as holding back, glossing over important details, being in denial—or my personal favorite— being “ridamndiculous.”
◊♦◊
That’s how this incident started. Just a few hours after receiving contracting paperwork for the editing position with The Good Men Project, I posted one of “those” memes. You know the ones I’m referring to—the memes that don’t portray men in a positive light. The memes that depict women as victims or pawns in men’s games.
I generally don’t share those memes on my page. I try to keep things on Facebook light, sarcastic, generally positive and uplifting. However, at the time, I had a friend going through a rough breakup, and I was personally dealing with some relationship strife. I shared the meme without much thought. A fellow contributor for The Good Men Project commented on the meme and held me accountable for it. While I was initially embarrassed, I was truly thankful.
As an editor for a media company that leads a “conversation about the way men’s roles are changing in modern life—and the way those changes affect everyone,” I had no business posting anything that could be construed as derogatory towards men. More importantly, that’s not who I am, or how I want to be perceived as an editor—or a lover of men.
◊♦◊
While I made a public apology that surprised (and delighted) a few people, I didn’t apologize for the kudos.
I want to make a bigger statement than that specific apology. I want to issue a challenge to you and the entire community as well.
What if?
What if we were all open to be challenged on occasion, instead of being defensive and holding firm to a position that may not even serve us?
What if we were thankful for friends and family members who help us be accountable instead of shunning them for questioning our judgment?
What if we all gave our circle permission to call us on our bullshit?
What this Doesn’t Mean:
This doesn’t mean having our motives and mindset questioned is always fun. In fact, sometimes it can be downright painful.
However, it also doesn’t mean we are always in the wrong. Sometimes, it can lead to growth for the other person when we have an open-hearted conversation.
Likewise, it doesn’t mean once our motives, directions and/or actions have been called into question, that any changes must take place (either because we don’t agree, or because through discussion a different conclusion was reached, or for some other reason).
What it MAY Mean:
Through the conversation process though, one or more of the following outcomes MAY occur:
We MAY have to reconsider a long-standing belief, and/or adopt a new one.
We MAY be wrong on occasion.
We MAY have to apologize.
We MAY have to make amends.
We MAY be able to reconnect with individuals we lost touch with because our previous beliefs didn’t align.
We MAY have new opportunities arise because we are now open to new possibilities.
We MAY abandon previously held beliefs that were simply held because we always held them (they were adopted from our family for example) and yet weren’t necessarily true for us, but we had never bothered to question them.
We MAY experience totally new insights as a result of questioning these long-held beliefs.
We MAY even have a Brilliant Transformation!
What it Could Lead To:
I believe that on a collective level if individuals were more open to listening to others’ points of view instead of clinging so tightly to their own (even those that may not even resonate with their current world view), there would be far less fear and hate and much more love and understanding.
Will you commit with me to being authentic, being open to being challenged, and owning up to situations when it’s necessary to apologize and make amends?
Let’s do this!
So you’re the one. A rabble–rouser you are. Yanno, Melissa, that meme, I’m sure, was funny. I’m sure that is all it would have been if not for the constant berating and assaults on all things male that we, in this society, have come to expect as a norm, and now that men are so overly sensitive to. I appreciate very much the level of unwavering character that prompted you to apologize, but that’s not on you, it’s on us. We exist in an internet haze filled with water collar retribution where the slightest hint of critique toward woman, be… Read more »
Oh DJ! Tears, really. I can’t even temember all the stuff you said about the meme, but it really wasn’t that funny—or inappropriate, for that matter. Pretty innocuous, really. But it just didn’t FEEL right. That’s why I apologized. About my son, I absolutely have done my best to let him be his own man and grow in the way that makes sense to him—as much as it doesn’t make sense to me. And believe me, we’ve been through some rough stuff and tough times. But we are both better for it. And so much closer as we talk through… Read more »
“That’s how this incident started. Just a few hours after receiving contracting paperwork for the editing position with The Good Men Project, I posted one of ‘those’ memes. You know the ones I’m referring to—the memes that don’t portray men in a positive light. The memes that depict women as victims or pawns in men’s games.” I’m trying not to read too much into that, nor approach that comment from an overly cynical, judgmental or defensive eye. But honestly, the optics there seem to -if not confirm- then at least superficially correspond to a more, shall we say, invective critique… Read more »
Mostly_123, Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I think I’m a pretty enlightened person. But, honestly, much of your response went over my head. My brain hurt after reading it a few times. I will say this: when I said, it’s ok for others to challenge us, I did NOT say that we should acquiesce or otherwise subjugate our views over theirs. I simply meant that SOMETIMES, other people may have a view that we MAY want to consider. It MAY change our mind, we MAY have a conversation and we MAY change someone else’s mind. Basically, it’s about being… Read more »
Agree with you totally Melissa. A part of leading a good life is being open to challenges. VEry often we restrict ourselves and avoid challenges.!! I guess we all have to make that attempt at being open and amend and apoligise when required.
Thank you Ramya. I appreciate the feedback. It can be hard sometimes, but we can learn and grow so much just by being open to the ideas and suggestions of others. Humble apologies can go a long way. Thanks again.