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Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)
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[Music]
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let us do it dad’s way
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while watching will smith in his latest
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masterpiece king richard i was reminded
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of one of the major reasons i chose to
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start sharing my journey through
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fatherhood in the first place
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when i became a stay-at-home dad
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a lot of people insinuated that i was a
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stand-in for my wife
0:22
and that i was learning how to do things
0:24
her way
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this couldn’t be further from the truth
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in many ways yes i looked to my wife for
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guidance and advice about how to raise
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our children
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as a woman she had more experience
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caring for children than i did
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i learned from her in some ways
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and forged my own in other ways
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as men we are told we are at a deficit
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in relation to our parenting
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counterparts in male-to-female parenting
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relationships in some ways yes because
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like i said before we typically have
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less experience caring for children at
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the time we become parents however we
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have instincts just like moms do
1:01
we care for ourselves and can figure out
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how to give our children what they need
1:05
will it look different than the way mom
1:06
does it of course and why
1:09
because we aren’t doing it mom’s way
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we’re doing it dad’s way the reason i
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was reminded of this while watching king
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richard was because throughout the film
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we watched richard williams father of
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tennis icons venus and serena williams
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push all of his children incredibly hard
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in the direction of their goals he
1:27
requires them to keep straight a’s
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to remain humble in the face of their
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victories
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and to trust his vision as it pertains
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to the trajectory of their careers
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even though he is hard on his children
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he is also their biggest cheerleader
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he confidently believes throughout the
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entirety of the film and the genius of
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his children and the confidence bleeds
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onto them and into their endeavors
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for me as a black father watching this
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film i understood why richard pushed his
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children the way he did i applauded him
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for it
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the lens through which we are meant to
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see richard though
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is of discomfort
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he is portrayed as overbearing pompous
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or overall too much
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at the end of the film we see venus and
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serena become the legends we all know
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them to be today but we still don’t see
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richard get his flowers of course he has
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the satisfaction of helping his children
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achieve their dreams of course we have
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to admit that the way he did things
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worked but the true brilliance of this
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man was not celebrated the way it needs
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to be
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he is a father who demanded excellence
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from his children not from a place of
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danger or abuse but from a place of love
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and dedication
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it is obvious in the film that richard
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loves his children beyond comparison
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so why are we made to feel so
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uncomfortable with the way he does
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things the lens through which we see
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richard’s efforts remind me of the
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general attitude toward black fathers
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who encourage their children to be
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exceptional
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we’re viewed as pushing too hard or too
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far or being too aggressive or all
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together too much
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this isn’t the same way i’ve seen our
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white counterparts represented
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because when a white dad acts the same
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way
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he is assertive
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caring
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passionate and driven why is black
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fathers are we not allowed to want and
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demand excellence from our children
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without also being villainized
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why are we held to a different standard
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of fatherhood whereby we can do no right
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if we expect greatness from our children
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we’re too demanding
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if we don’t
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we’re passive
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these are the two boxes people try to
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put us in as black fathers
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fathers especially black fathers need
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the freedom to parent their children
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their way we aren’t learning to be
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secondary mothers
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we are our own entity we have important
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lessons to impart to our children too
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when we look at exceptional people
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especially exceptional black people who
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come from less bountiful opportunity and
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provision like venus and serena williams
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or the ball brothers
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we have to celebrate the fathers who
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help them carry themselves to new
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heights
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because if we don’t we further the
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narrative that a father is less pivotal
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in a child’s life than we actually are
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this sentiment is damaging and false and
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it takes credit away from the people who
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are doing wonderful things for and with
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their children when i look at my
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children and the skills i have to share
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with them i realize that i have the
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opportunity to teach them how to make
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amazing art
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whether it be television or film or
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music
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my children have already shown an
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interest in this and anything i teach
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them about this industry will come from
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a place of love and care
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not a place of pressure and force of
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course real love applies pressure
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because it requires us to grow to change
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to adapt and rise to the challenge
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which is the type of love i have always
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and will always show my children i’m
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sure that as time goes on as our
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children find their brilliance
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and as i attempt to guide them in it
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someone along the way will say i’m doing
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too much or pushing too hard
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but i will know the truth which is that
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i’m being the best father i can be
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and our children will be better for it
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that’s why my platform has always and
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will always be about celebrating
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fatherhood at every stage and every
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change so if you’re a dad
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don’t be afraid to do it your way fail
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win
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stumble
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triumph
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teach your kids
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learn from them too
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we’re important we’re needed
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we’re going to raise some amazing people
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along the way
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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