Not long ago, I published an opinion piece about how men need to improve or be left behind in society. I’m not making it up — more women than ever are choosing not to date men, largely because of men’s shitty behavior and not bringing anything useful to the table. The research shows that women want more from relationships, and with good reason.
Anyways, I knew that a few angry bros would come at me with comments that I’m a weakling feminist or something along those lines. Someone also told me that I must hate myself for writing such a piece. But one particularly angry dude called me a “simp” among other things (his rant is now gone, but not by my doing. Maybe he was banned from Medium. I wish I had the screenshots.)
Meaning of ‘simp’ not as simple as I thought
I have heard this term in recent times. I assumed it just meant a simple person, like, someone who claps with glee when they see a lightbulb turn on. But apparently, “simp” has become a perceived insult towards men (from other men) in the past couple of years.
Dictionary.com says the slang term refers to “men who are seen as too attentive and submissive to women, especially out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention or activity from them.”
So, it basically pokes fun of men who show “too much” kindness or respect to women. Sorry, is that something to be ashamed of? Apparently to some dudes, yes it is.
I have always liked just hanging out with women, even those I was physically attracted to. The difference is that I never actually expected anything romantically from them. I genuinely enjoyed their company — I wasn’t playing nice to win affection. (Interestingly, most of my female “friends” ditched me when I got married, but that’s another story.)
Sure, many partners start out as friends, and then blossom into lovers. But if that’s the only reason you’re spending time with women, then yeah, I agree that maybe you’re a simp. If you go home and cry into your pillow that the female pal you had lunch with didn’t kiss you, then you maybe need therapy.
But let me turn the tables here.
Misogynists are the real simps
Angry dudes who are calling out feminist men for being “simps” likely have a beef against women. That’s usually because they felt rejected by them, or their ex found someone better. Now they’re on their own, and no one seems to want them.
Do you know what those types of guys are called?
That’s right, INCELS.
This is another term that has recently risen in the ranks of our collective consciousness. It means those who are involuntarily celibate. In other words, dudes who can’t get laid, and then blame it on women.
But it’s more than just sex, as this article from the New Yorker points out. It’s about men wanting to be dominant — in other words, it’s about male supremacy. These men don’t think of women as their equals. They also think women shouldn’t do certain jobs, or shouldn’t be paid as much. It makes them angry when women succeed, and they also get mad at the men “enabling” them.
You can admire women without the entitlement
Nowhere in my previous opinion piece did I say I was perfect. I have disrespected women throughout my life, probably many times without knowing it. I am a heterosexual male, so I have looked at women through a certain lens throughout my adult life.
However, I have never got mad at a woman for not wanting me romantically. I was never that entitled. I felt dejected a few times, sure, but I sure didn’t lash out or join a cult of men who feel wronged.
My spouse has helped me see a feminist woman’s perspective a lot more clearly over the past decade. She is transparent about what women deal with on a regular basis, and the blatant misogyny out there. She has changed my male thinking about some things, which were drilled into me from youth.
That’s the thing: a lot of men from my era (Gen-X) were raised to expect women to serve them in some way. Some of us have since placed actual value on women, while other men see them as either being in their way or being subservient.
These men feel threatened by feminism, because they think it means their crystal castle will be toppled. (In actuality, women just want to live in a castle too — perhaps not one shared with the men, though.)
So back to “simp” — if being aware of a female perspective and trying to grow from it makes me a simp, then I guess that commenter was right. However, history has taught us that the most successful species can adapt, and that applies to humans, too.
Men who strive to be good to women are not weaklings — in fact, it takes strength to look inside yourself and see your flaws. It takes even more strength to try to do something about them.
If you’re very angered by all of this, and think men who want to be better are “simps,” then you need to take a closer look at yourself. Ask yourself why you feel this way. It’s likely traced back to feelings of your own inadequacy, which is not the fault of anyone but you. It’s likely because the women you were told you could easily conquer have also evolved, and many of them aren’t taking your shit anymore.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Samantha Sophia on Unsplash
Is this another article about men behaving badly? Isn’t the name of this website, The Good Men Project? Respect goes BOTH ways. It’s such a double standard for a feminist to demand men respect women but I’ve seen feminists be hateful towards men. There was a program on the BBC World Service hosted by Kim Chakanetsa. She only had on female guests. Her program not only excluded men, it portrayed men in a negative sense. On one episode called, “Women writing relationships” the women on The Conversation talk positively about a book in which a fictitious female serial killer murders… Read more »
A simp is a man who has no backbone. It has little to do with an expression of kindness and more to do with a man not fitting the patriarchal definition of man. The term is not an exclusive definition of a man’s niceties towards women but also his inability to stand up for himself to other men, of which we commonly describe as a “bitch;” simp falls in the same categorical urban definition. This article could have been amazing had you done research from the perspective of where the word derived.