It all starts out with insignificant details that go almost unnoticed – occasional mood swings, forgetting where their keys or glasses are, or inability to find the right words – but all those things happen to you, too, right? And then, one day, they forget to turn off their oven or have trouble remembering where they are. You have to come to terms with the fact that from this point on, things can only get more complicated. Your aging parents aren’t getting any younger, and they will soon experience difficulties in carrying out simple, everyday tasks. What now?
Grit Your Teeth
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It’s hard to accept the reality in which those strong and capable women, who gave birth, brought up and nurtured them, now can’t perform something that is so simple.
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The first stage is usually denial, as we all believe that it’s just a temporary problem. Unfortunately, it’s not. And what’s even more problematic is that parents tend to get angry and resist our attempts to help them. They find it difficult to admit that they aren’t fit to drive, pay their bills or manage their incomes anymore. Losing control over their life is an earth-shattering experience, but you need to set up some rules and insist on following them. Of course, this transition requires a great deal of patience and respect on your part.
It’s Not a Man’s World
Baby Steps
All male caregivers would agree that bathing and dressing one’s own mother take the “parenting your parent” concept to a whole new level. This situation is both gut-wrenching and embarrassing. It’s hard to accept the reality in which those strong and capable women, who gave birth, brought up and nurtured them, now can’t perform something that is so simple. On the other hand, giving a bath is a delicate task and no matter how unpleasant it might be, what is crucial is to help our loved ones preserve their dignity. Knowing your limits is not admitting defeat. Sometimes it’s better to hire a skilled professional to help you. I can tell you that a decision to find personalized home care in San Francisco, as I’m situated in the Bay Area, made my life much easier. Now I can spend quality time with my mother and be there for her, while hand-picked caregivers are here to help me. You should be aware that it takes time to get accustomed to this new situation, so don’t expect everything to start running smoothly overnight. Elderly people usually don’t like when their established routines are upset. More importantly, leaving their long-time home would be highly stressful. This is why they should be allowed to stay in the comfort and security of their own houses and apartments, and avoid having to adjust to new places.
Taking Care of Yourself
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If you want to be a good caregiver, it’s of vital importance to be responsible for your own well-being.
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If you want to be a good caregiver, it’s of vital importance to be responsible for your own well-being. Me time is also important, and don’t punish yourself if you want to go out, spend some time with your friends, have fun, and do regular things. That’s the only way to cope with this kind of situation. Sometimes, talking to a therapist can help you find ways to blow off steam. Don’t forget that this is one of the greatest challenges in your life, so try to treat yourself with kindness.
Looking after your ailing parents is a demanding but noble task. Remember that asking for help and guidance is something that you shouldn’t refrain from.
Photos Ted Van Pelt and courtesy of the author.
