Life Tip 24: Protect Your Peace: Leave Hurtful Talk

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Not every conversation is meant to be finished.

Read this again: Not every conversation is meant to be finished.

We all know that some conversations are bridges and some are quicksand.

The trick you’ve got to learn is knowing the difference between the two.

It’s okay to step away from arguments, criticism, guild trips, and endless negativity.

You don’t have to stay long enough to convince someone to treat you better or prove that you’re a reasonable person. You can just leave.

So, yes, you are allowed to leave conversations that hurt.

And, believe it or not, that’s probably the healthiest thing you can do all day.

Here’s another thing: There’s a difference between a difficult conversation and a damaging one.

Difficult conversations lead to understanding each other when it’s over.

Damaging conversations leave you feeling smaller, attacked, unheard, or just plain exhausted.

You don’t have to remain in every discussion just because someone wants you there.

There are some conversations that start out fine and then take a turn; sharp comments, subtle digs, or emotional landmines that leave you tensed up for hours. Staying in those moments doesn’t make you polite; it just wounds you.

You have to remember:

Your attention is valuable.
Your emotional energy is valuable.
Your peace is valuable.
You are valuable.

…

You have got to remember that when a conversation stops being productive and starts becoming harmful, leaving is not a weakness.

It’s wisdom. Yep, you’re being wise.

You know that we are all raised to be polite. (At least most of us are.) Most of the time, we stay in painful conversations because walking away has always been drilled into us as being rude.

Plus, in those moments, you sometimes feel pressure to stay: you want explain, defend, or smooth things over. But you’re allowed to choose something different.

It took me about one whole year of listening to my ex-husband’s 3-hour-long screaming sessions to learn to just turn my back and walk away. The problem I had was that he would follow me. I found that going to my closet and holding the door closed made him walk away because it made him feel foolish to tug on the door while screaming.

I was lucky. Some people aren’t. Sometimes, you’ll have to walk away, straight out of the front door, to get away from conversations like that. Just take the kids and get away for a few hours.

Just remember that you don’t have to be a punching bag. Literally or emotionally. You can choose peace over proving a point by staying there and arguing, especially when you know that your arguments won’t be heard or will end up being pointless at that moment in time.

The exit door exists for a reason.

You’re allowed to use it.

You need to put your well-being ahead of someone else’s demand for your attention. Or their need to diminish or hurt you to make themselves feel better.

Walking away isn’t dramatic or disrespectful. It’s how you protect yourself from being dragged into someone else’s mess. You’re allowed to exit the moment your peace starts unraveling.