Life nudges, pushes, or shoves us toward a specific direction in order to teach us a lesson. Some call it signs from above or divine intervention, but there’s a theory that says the lessons you get, depend entirely on how well you’re paying attention.
Signs
You probably understand the concept of seeing signs — I swear every romance movie includes at least one. Signs from God, the Universe, or whatever else you call it that guides you along this journey called life.
Signs draw a connection between an event and your life. They’re personal and often arrive to help us make a decision, or sometimes, can alter our lives completely. Consider the following example:
Let’s pretend you’re thinking about quitting your job. But before you’ve committed to the decision, you bump into an old co-worker who you haven’t seen in several months — not since they quit. While catching up, they tell you how quitting was the best decision they ever made and gushed about how happy they’ve become as a result.
In this example, you might view this run-in as a sign that you should commit to quitting too. Signs can feel like divine intervention, but it doesn’t always feel like a good thing. Sometimes, life brings you lessons.
Three Types of Life Lessons
One of my teachers in massage school taught me this theory. I have no idea where they learned it and no memory of which teacher taught it to me. While I can’t get more specific than that, this idea has nonetheless branded itself into my brain. Now I see it everywhere.
The theory, as I learned it, is called Feather, Hammer, Truck. As in, the tickle of a feather, being smacked by a hammer, or run over by a truck. I call it Nudge, Push, Shove, as a way to explain it in a clear manner and make it a little less violent. The basic concept is this:
If you learn to pay attention, you may just alter the course of your life.
Nudge Lessons
Nudge learners are who we should all strive to be. These people listen to their intuition and gut instincts the most. They’re often analytical and consider possible outcomes of an action before taking it.
An example might be if you had a few too many drinks and almost hit a pedestrian while driving home. No one got hurt, but if you continue this behavior you might not be so lucky the next time.
In this case, Life is nudging you to stop drink and driving. If this situation is all it would take for you to correct your behavior, then life only had to nudge your attention toward the problem before you fixed it.
Push Lessons
For Push people, coming close to disaster isn’t enough of a lesson. They might consider it luck that they avoided catastrophe or bad luck that it happened in the first place. We also have a tendency to view ourselves as indestructible. Bad things happen to other people. With that mindset, a Push learner might continue believing no real harm will actually come to them.
Continuing with our example story, we’ll pretend you continue to drink and drive. At some point, you’re driving home from the bar when you hit a stop sign. Your airbag explodes in your face giving you whiplash while your brain bounces around in your skull and the signpost wedges into your bumper. You’re okay, your car can still drive. After regaining your breath, and with shaky hands you go home, thankful you have insurance.
Here, Life is pushing you to stop your destructive behavior. The lesson gets more aggressive in an attempt to get your attention. If you’d correct your behavior after this, then you’re a Push learner.
Shove Lessons
The strongest lessons are the ones that take away our choice. Shove learners continue to push limits and test their boundaries. Shove learners aren’t always egotistical maniacs though, some are just completely oblivious to what’s going on around and within them.
If we continue with our story, then we’d find you the following weekend paying your tab at your favorite bar, before climbing back into the driver’s seat.
Tonight though, you’re swerving with blurred vision when a crash has you flying through the windshield. You drove right into a ditch on the side of the road. In your stupor, you forgot to wear your seatbelt and you hadn’t gotten your airbag fixed from the week before. You’re alive, and will eventually heal, but your car is totaled. You also got a DUI (Driving Under the Influence) resulting in a suspended license, hundreds of dollars in fines, and a night in jail to sober up.
There are people who react to life instead of responding to it. In other words, they believe Life is something that happens to them, so they spend their lives reacting to whatever happens. Don’t ignore the lessons Life tries to teach you. They might just save your life.
This theory reaches beyond the individual and can be applied to groups as well. When I look at how we’ve gotten to this point, I can’t help but see our repeated lessons we still aren’t learning. Not only throughout history but right now.
They say history repeats itself. My question is, why aren’t we learning? As I write this, the smell of 4.5 million acres of forest (and counting) are burning on the west coast of the United States. The smoke and ash have covered the sky creating an illusion of a world with a sepia filter. We didn’t listen when we saw the signs of our mistakes and now for the first time in remembered history the fires have infiltrated the Willamette Valley in Oregon.
We didn’t take the Coronavirus seriously and now we watch our death toll rise. We didn’t listen to those who tried to tell us that our black and brown friends and family are suffering, now we’ll never forget the names of Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Tamir Rice, and too many more.
We laughed at Donald Trump when he announced he was running for president in 2015. Now…. well, I don’t think I need to continue with this one.
The point is, if we want things to get better, we have to listen. It’s time for real change. We have to correct our behavior because as bad as it is now — it can, and will, get worse.
What Can We Do?
How about taking a Xanax? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But seriously let’s take a collective breath, I’m not sure many of us are thinking clearly right now.
The first step to take is to stop pointing out more problems without also offering a solution. Everything is a mess, like, everything. We know. What we don’t know, is how to fix it.
Look in the Mirror
We have to see past our anger. Anger is a common theme in our response to what’s been going on. We’re pointing fingers and blame everyone except ourselves. If we’re going to act like children, then maybe we should sit in time out for a moment.
Seems like a good way to view living in quarantine. Instead of using this time to Troll the internet or spread hate and fear, take a look in the mirror. Is this really the person you want to be?
How You Can Contribute to Solutions
Take a time out from the blame game and start thinking of solutions. What are some ways you can help?
- Donate
Donate to organizations fighting for, and helping your cause. If you can’t afford to donate cash, what about food or used clothing? Can you donate your time in the form of volunteering, protesting, or helping out in another way?
- Educate Yourself
Read books about racism and personal essays written by people who look different than you. Medium’s publication, Zora publishes thought-provoking personal essays written by, and about, women of color.
You can watch well-researched documentaries and explore new viewpoints with an open mind. Do you know how to identify reliable sources online? What about which companies you’re giving your money to?
You can find opportunities anywhere you look to look. Something as simple as having a conversation with someone outside of your social circle is a start.
- Vote
For the love of humanity, vote! This is not a game.
- Be Human
Viewing the world from our screens and replacing authentic personality with personas and brands, has desensitized us from real life. It’s easy to forget that there’s a human being on the other side of the send button. Someone who’s also insecure, wants to be understood, feels unheard, and is afraid.
Don’t forget that you’re being watched. You’re an example to someone, whether your children, friends, or community. Is your behavior helping or hurting the situation?
Life isn’t Over — Yet
Nothing is guaranteed except that we’re headed for destruction unless we alter our course. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting dizzy from being shoved around by Life’s lessons this year.
I still believe in humanity, call me an optimist. I believe we can come out of our disasters stronger. For as much hatred and anger we’re feeling right now, we’re capable of an equal amount of compassion. We just have to pay attention to our lessons, because I think we can agree that we don’t feel proud of ourselves right now. Let’s tune into our intuitions and mute our fears so we can begin to heal, together.
P.S. I’ve searched the internet for a hint of who came up with this theory, but alas, I could find no one. If you happen to know whose theory this is, I beg you to let me know in the comments so I can credit appropriately. Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash