Galen Fous charts the range of emerging sexual expression from carnal to divine. What’s your preference?
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Do you like your sex holy or nasty? Do you desire the bliss of merging with the divine via sexual union with your partner, yab-yum pose, heart to heart, breath to breath in a state of transcendent, ecstatic, universal love-making?
Or would you or your partner rather feel consensually captured, preyed-upon, taken, dominant, predatory, slutty, wild, perverse or primitive? Can you go both ways? Is one path right, and one wrong? Have you even thought about your sexuality in these terms before?
These are relevant and complex questions for anyone seeking to finally get real about who they are sexually. These questions seldom get examined in much depth. But they could become quite relevant.
Human sexual desire is being unchained across the world in unprecedented fashion. More and more men and women are being exposed to a freedom and opportunity for sexual exploration that neither they, nor any previous generations, have ever faced before.
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Human sexual desire is being
unchained across the world in unprecedented fashion. More and more men and women are being exposed to a freedom and opportunity for sexual exploration that neither they, nor any previous generations, have ever faced before.
Millions of us are opening to the unexplored depths of our Erotic psyche. This is a wilderness area with few maps, but with compelling tales of tantalizing riches and pleasures. Throughout history, these pleasures have never been available to the mass of humanity. The sexual arts, sacred and profane both, were only available to aristocratic jet-setters of the day, or through the esoteric, spiritual or occult realms. In these obscure chambers, they have been actively, but secretly researched, explored and engaged in for thousands of years.
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This newly unbridled Eros is a powerful magnet, and it is drawing out millions of people all over the world from the ferocious grips of highly repressed cultures. These millions are the vanguard of a new wave of sexual expression and exploration. There is now an unprecedented percentage of the world population, men and women both, who are choosing to no longer ignore or hide they are sexual beings. This has never happened before. They are making their sexual rights, a valid part of who they are. People are deciding their personal sexuality deserves as much care, education, expression and nourishment as their physical, emotional, rational and spiritual needs. They want most of all for their sexuality to be granted the nonchalance of normalcy, no matter the content of their sexual identity.
The problem is, human sexuality, beyond the functional pro-creative aspect, is highly complex, nuanced, and mysterious. For the most part these aspects of our personal sexuality, have been ignored, repressed, vilified,
outlawed, and hidden from view in most ways in most cultures. Most of us don’t really know much about it. When we finally escape the grips of our repressive sexual upbringing, how do we consciously explore, express, and integrate our authentic sexual desires into who we are overall?
When we finally escape the grips of our repressive sexual upbringing, how do we consciously explore, express, and integrate our authentic sexual desires into who we are overall?
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How do we deal with the deeply embedded fear, inadequacy, shame, personal trauma and harsh moral and spiritual judgments that will still effect how we express, or do not express our sexuality. How will we recognize when we feel unjustly righteous in our judgment about the sexuality of others. Will we find our sexual truth through one of the newly visible portals of Sacred-Sexuality, Tantra, Taoist, Fetish/Kink, Quodoshka, Polyamory, Trans/CD/TV, Bi-Sexuality, Gender-Queer, Pansexual, Asexual, Celibacy, Sex Magic or some combination of them , or some entirely new path yet to be revealed?
I have had the good fortune to have been immersed in the Fetish/KInk world for over 14 years now as participant, teacher, guide, advocate, workshop leader and researcher. For over 10 years I have also been closely involved with the Sacred Sexuality/Neo-Tantra communities. I combine this range of expression and technique in my personal life, in my real-world sex- research and my practice as a psychotherapist. I feel that both Fetish and Sacred Sexuality are two of the more important and emerging aspects of our sexuality that are gaining prominent expression in the world. Is one sacred and one profane? Do either apply to you? If you think one or both might, check out my next blog. I will review how both can be important in learning about, safely exploring, and engaging in your deepest sexual truths. This path can lead to a depth of intimacy and trust with your partners unheard of in previous eras of human sexuality and relationships. If you and your partner(s) can learn to open to the depths of your sexuality, it can be an ecstatic, empowering and healing journey.
Have a question about alternative sexuality, sexual authenticity or how to consciously express your sexual desires in a new or existing relationship? Send me an email and I will address select questions in a future column. [email protected]
Check out my previous articles here Is the Problem Sex/Porn Addiction or Sexual Dishonesty? and How to Welcome Your Male Sex Creature
Artwork by Samarel Erotic Art
I wonder if we are really having a “sexual awakening” or simply diving into a new kind of sexual bondage. Kind of like how people try to say that pornography has given women freedom of sexual expression when it’s really only a new set or rules women most conform to under the notion of “sexual freedom”. More explicit sex does not equal “sexual freedom”. I will say this again because I think it’s important: “More explicit sex does *not* equal “sexual freedom.” It seems that “nasty” sex is dominant in our culture and compassion, tenderness, kindness through sexuality is hugely… Read more »
@ Erin… I only speak from personal experience and working with hundreds of clients over the last 15 years, seeking to be who they are sexually, and untangle all the ways they have been judged, shamed, feared or ostracized. Sexuality is personal and very complex and mostly unexamined in any depth. YOur own sexuality is yours, and I encourage you to follow the path right for you, but it is not necessarily other women’s path. In my judgement and experience from working with many women, you greatly underestimate the depth and range of women’s sexual desire and expression. Or their… Read more »
Youre right Galen, as a woman, why would I understand anything about the depth and range of women’s sexual desires and expressions. Surely you understand women’s sexuality much better then I, an actual woman does. As a woman that has had her fair share of repression, shame and trauma growing up, your comment underestimates me. I could ask a homosexual man or woman what they think on authentic sexual selves but I personally always believed that the journey for our authentic sexual selves runs deeper then just what gender we are attracted to. Or maybe when you speak of authentic… Read more »
Rock on, Galen! The world has awoken from its sad, dreary sex dream, and now we’re cookin’ with fire. ;0)
I especially like this quote from Galen ‘ s article ” when we finally escape the grips of our repressive sexual upbringing, how do we consciously express our authentic sexual desires into who we are overall.” I had been through many conferences, training, counseling, therapist, and psychiatrist and many 12 step programs. All had many things to offer. None ever asked me about anything having to do with my sexual issues. In the beginning I finally saw and came to the conclusion as to being sexual molested in a place run by nuns in Canada I was 6 . For… Read more »
I’m glad I kept reading the article, because I think it’s good for the most part. The title and the beginning part almost turned me off, because: The whole “holy vs. nasty” contrast is no better than the same neo-Victorian prudish garbage that makes Americans so neurotic about sex in the first place. This is a false dichotomy, which the rest of the article rightly disagrees with. Like you said, sex IS complicated, nuanced, and changeable from one moment to the next. That’s why the “dirty vs. sacred” or “animal vs. spiritual” spectrum is just idiotic. With all the so-called… Read more »