Experiencing joy is something I’ve had to work on over the years. Between life and genetics, playing and laughing are tough for me. Yes, there are traumas in the way. Isn’t it always with me? I don’t think that’s just me, though. (Wait, you mean I’m not the only one who didn’t have a perfect life? Whatevs.)
Okay, okay, yes, there were times in my past when I/we were having the time of our lives, and then something horrible happened. Yes, it makes it hard to play. I’m too busy being prepared for the worst.
The military has a “Prepare for the worst, hope for the best” mentality. In that world, hope is the only part of the plan to survive first contact. In the civilian world, we can adjust the phrase to “Prepare for the worst, work towards the best.”
The whole “live in the moment” movement applies.
I take martial arts to protect myself, but that doesn’t mean I walk around all year looking for that fight. Be prepared and let it go. Instincts will tell me when it’s real.
I wonder how many understand the internal resistance to moving on from horrific things. The mind wants to prepare itself to experience it again. I feel it in my entire torso, the muscle tension, the alert chemicals in my organs prepared to kick production into overdrive. It keeps a part of itself stuck in that mode so it doesn’t get caught off guard again.
Some of you think I am being disassociative when I talk about parts of me or say my brain instead of me or I. It helps me to realize I am not all or nothing; there are many parts of me, and most are in working order, and other parts, on occasion, need preventive maintenance. It doesn’t mean I am broken. It does mean that section of me, be it tangible or not, could use some fine-tuning and, at times, a complete overhaul. I am not an on/off-flip switch. I am a slide switch with unlimited stops.
So now that I know there is always a part of me under construction or reconstruction, I can remove negative judgment from that, and I can focus on building this part of me that was put on pause while still excelling at day-to-day life. (A definition of excelling in day-to-day life could be maintaining a positive mental attitude no matter how many people drive slowly in front of you.) The particular part in question is the play part of me. The have fun part. Guilt-free fun is the goal.
Is it weird to feel bad for the depressive side of me when I am learning joy?
Custom-designed mantras are a big help; they come organically from the truths inside us. Think of the opposite of our negative opinions of ourselves. That is a good start.
“I suck, life sucks, I want to die” becomes, “I am awesome, life is awesome, I am happy to be alive.” When the hamster wheel of negative thoughts is spinning up for a productive day, replace it with, “I am awesome, life is awesome, I am happy to be alive.” I say it in my head often, sometimes out loud, and that tends to happen alone in the truck.
“I’m a failure, I’m fucked at birth, why even try” becomes “I rock, I’m every opportunity I give myself, I don’t quit.”
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If negative and positive thoughts result from training, why would negative thoughts be trained in me? Why do humans train others and themselves to be lesser than?
One of the hard acceptances is that not all are here to evolve and become an improved version of themselves and then pass down that way of life to the next generation so they can learn to be enhanced versions of themselves as well. The hard part is that not all will allow this for themselves.
Here’s to you being the best version of yourself and passing that ability on to others.
I acknowledge that good and bad things happen without my influence. I remind myself that I am not Atlas; I do not carry the world’s weight on my shoulders.
Now that I have removed the world’s weight from my shoulders, I can play and have fun guilt-free.
I used to envy those who are good at play and being in the moment. They’d get all excited, and I’d get all weird. They’d start having fun, and I’d pull back feeling uncomfortable.
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So, how do I overcome this resistance, this uncomfortable feeling around those having fun? Taking action is the first step, being just in that moment and not caring what others think, whether their thoughts are positive or negative. That moment is about me playing.
Take the first step: play with the kids, spend some time gaming, watch the show Ridiculousness to laugh and let go. I’ve been to several comicons as an indie artist with a table, and this year, I am going to play and have fun instead. I’m “making” myself cosplay for the first time.
I remember how much fun I had shooting hoops and playing volleyball. When doing those two things, I am present in the moment. The same goes for an all-day Zombicide gaming session. I put the phone down and in a drawer until I want to look up a movie title, release date, or whatever came up in conversation. It becomes my library rather than an obsession.
Again, being in the moment is the key to play. That is where the joy comes from.
Next time I am around children and they ask me to play, I will get down on the floor and play. Next time a child asks me, “Would you rather…” I will play along within their mind boundaries instead of saying “Neither. I don’t want to be eaten by a crocodile or a bear.” Instead, I will say, “Crocodile, because it takes a while. With a bear, you are already there.”
The bottom line is that Laughter, Play, and Joy kill Depression. As I lose resistance to leaving depression behind, it gets easier to feel joy. And if my goal is to be around 100 or so years, depression isn’t going to cut it. Living in the moment will.
v
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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