Lonely Nights in a Dive Bar

I perched on a worn bar stool
in a dimly lit dive bar
on the east side of a town.
The aroma of dark beer
wafted through the air,
mingling with the scent
of cigarette smoke.
Behind the counter,
I saw rows of liquor
on the wall
and bartenders held
glasses beneath taps
to fill mugs and pitchers.

Its walls filled with chatter
and laughter.
Mia ran through my mind,
but she had no time for me.
I sighed and loosened my dark tie
over my white dress shirt.
I waved at the bartender,
Nancy, over for another dark beer
in a frosty, tall glass.
’90s pop shook the stereo speakers.
The lights flickered with shadows
of lonely nights
through a haze
of cigarette smoke.

I took the point to heart.
I wasn’t the only lonely
person in a crowded room.
I couldn’t help but wonder
whether the grass was greener
on the other side of my mistakes.
Five years ago, Mia left for Virginia.
She’d work with her parents.

Mia begged me to go,
but I couldn’t leave before college.
Mia graduated from a community college,
which was good enough for her.
We chatted for months,
and it went dark after her father died.
I hadn’t heard from Mia in over three years.
Mia’s number disconnected itself from her phone.
I saved her last voicemail.
I play it when times have me down.
I asked God to mask the empty
love in my life, and display the love
that I had to give.

Nancy acknowledged my presence
with a nod and a pleasant smile.
I drummed my fingers
along the bar’s edge to the beat.
I swiveled my head and discreetly
moved my eyes around.
People exchanged memories,
a football game played on the TV,
and glasses clanked in celebration
of a finalized divorce or a birthday.

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Nancy chewed mint gum,
tucked a white rag in her belt
that she used to move
across the bar,
over her shoulder,
and served me another.
I was there last night,
and I’m here again tonight.

After the beer, Nancy served me
a gin over rocks in a streakless shot glass.
After the sun sank below the horizon,
on this side of town,
people packed unregistered pistols
with erased serial numbers.
I didn’t belong here,
but I only recently came into money.
I grew up just like these folks.
I had no friends that I could
count on with one hand.

My parents died when I was young,
and I stayed with various foster parents
that wanted nothing to do with me.
I took another drink and set the glass
on the polished table.
My prayers fell upon deaf ears.
My incomplete dreams foiled
my backup plans.

Nancy spoke to me
when customers thinned through
the glass double doors.
Nancy told me about her sister.
She playfully asked me for advice
on her sister’s love life.
I chimed in but asked her not
to quote me in case my words
blew up in her face.
I asked for her sister’s name
because she never gave it,
and I just thought of it.

Nancy asked me not to hate her.
My face warmed.
Mia’s my sister.
That advice, well, it was all about me.
Mia walked in with tight jeans
and a dark Quick Silver T-shirt.
Her long, dark hair cascaded
to the small of her back.
Our eyes met, and I quivered,
almost drowning in her deep blue eyes of familiarity.
“What’s going on?” I looked at Mia, at her sister, and back at Mia.
“My sister owns the place.” Mia sat beside me and crossed her legs.
“She remembered you and told me you’ve been coming here for almost a year.”
“I’m not a drunk,” I said, motioning.
Mia moved her bangs behind her ear. “Relax,” Mia said, “Nancy told me you didn’t drink much.”
Anger flashed across my heart. “Why’d you cut me out of your life?”
Mia lifted and lowered her palms. “I didn’t handle us right.”
“You could say that again,” I said. I started a smoke.
“I needed time,” Mia said.
“And you’ve got time,” I said. “I hope you take all the time you need.” I put out the cigarette, reached into my pocket to settle the tab, and set the cash with a tip on the table.
“Where are you going?” Mia said.
“To give you time.” I stood to maze through people.
“With you,” Mia said.
I twisted around. “What?”
“With you,” she said, brushing away tears, “I want to spend my time with you.”
I returned to the seat. “Take all the time that I have.”
Mia moved her wrist across her damp eyes and leaned to kiss me.