You know what? I’m just going to come right out and say it:
A lot of people are being too unfair with their criticisms against the concept of love at first sight.
The very notion is actually so polarizing that most people end up either a firm believer or completely against it. The debates can get a little intense, too, with both camps sure that they’re in the right.
But one thing I noticed is that for those who believe in love at first sight, the common justification is pretty simple — it’s real because there are people who have experienced it.
Those who are against it, on the other hand, can be just as straightforward, only their opposition is tied to the reasoning that love at first sight isn’t real because love cannot possibly happen in such a short amount of time.
And I think that mindset is not fair at all.
There. I said it.
The Minimum Requirement
As a relationship consultant, people ask me for dating advice all the time.
“How do I find my soulmate?” “What should I look for in a husband?” “Do I have to move on before I start dating again?”
“Is love at the first sight real?”
I always try to be objective when I share my thoughts. In fact, I’m not necessarily for or against the idea, and I haven’t endorsed one side over the other in all my years in this line of work.
But the more people I meet — the more I read and learn about love and relationships — the more concerned I get over the sweeping judgment that anyone who claims to feel love at first sight doesn’t, in fact, know what they’re saying.
That love at first sight is simply impossible.
It makes me wonder if there is even a baseline for something as nebulous and complex as love.
Does it happen only after a certain period of time? Is there a criteria that decides whether a person’s love is authentic or not?
The Nature of Love
Those who are against love at first sight often say that it takes a long time to build something great and long lasting. I happen to agree.
I also believe that you don’t find a genuine and committed relationship by accident, or even make it overnight. You build it. For years.
But love isn’t just about committed relationships.
You can fall in love with a stranger who was kind to you on your way to work.
You can experience love at first sight when you see a celebrity in person for the first time.
You can be mesmerized by the smile of a woman you talked to at a bar, or be charmed by the confidence of the guy you met at a speed dating event.
You can catch the gaze of someone you don’t know from across a crowded room, feel your heart skip a beat, and call that love.
And no one should invalidate that emotion.
So what if the feeling doesn’t last for the rest of your life? That doesn’t make it less real.
In the end, it’s okay for people to say they don’t experience love at first sight, but no one should be able to say it doesn’t exist at all. The danger there is in saying that only people who’ve known each other a long time are capable of true love, and we know that’s not the case.
A committed relationship takes great work and effort, yes. But love?
I believe love can be whatever your heart says it is.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
