We live in a society that celebrates ego, a false sense of self.
It’s almost masturbatory how we congratulate ourselves on being phony and denying our feelings. Even our music encourages us to maintain this superficiality in our relationships. It’s kind of scary. If you can’t be real with the person that you share a life with, then who are you supposed to be real with. It’s no surprise that people are feeling more disconnected despite having people at their fingertips 24/7/365.
There is a benefit to ego in our lives. One cannot be completely without one because it protects us and helps us process the world around us with a slight detachment, but it’s not qualified to run the show. And, these days, many are listening to ego over their intuition. Ego is what is driving people to throw drinks and jump on tables to create “good tv” or to record accidents to upload to youtube rather than using their phone to call for help. It is what has people starting fights just to record videos. It is the reason why the NYPD is wearing, “I Can Breathe” teeshirts instead of responding to the protests with compassion, asking for forgiveness and trying to work with the community.
Ego has been the star for the past few years. Love has taken a backseat, but it’s not completely out of the picture because it is our default. Babies aren’t born with egos. When they throw a bottle across the room, it’s not because their ego told them they can get more airtime. It’s simply because they want to see it fly and/or hear the sound as it hit the walls. They have no awareness that it’s not normal to launch a bottle across the room. Ego is developed as we develop. It’s a combination of what we learn in response to situations and what we learn from others. But, eventually most use it to create their identity in the world. It’s sort of, a protection mechanism.
But, ego and love do not battle for the top spot. They co-exist. And, love being the tenderness it is, is always willing to take the backseat. It simply waits to be chosen. But, ego campaigns, whispers and seduces to win the top spot and often wins. It is only through awareness that one will realize that ego is not getting them what they want whether it be in business or relationships. Ego is good at running the show for awhile, but it has no boundaries. Ego always wants it to be bigger, louder, and showier. Eventually, people get tired of it.
Love knows this. And, it calmly waits for all that ego has built to come crashing down. Then, love steps up and picks up all the broken pieces. Ego and relationships never work. Relationships require selflessness. Ego is inherently selfish and wants its way all the time. If ego is injected in the relationship, things may be fine for awhile, but eventually, it will all fall apart. And, again, love will step in and try to bring everything back together. But, love will never fight ego. Ego has to be relinquished. It has to be understood that ego’s purpose is to be used to navigate daily life, but not to run emotional life.
Love and all its friends: compassion, selflessness, faith and humility, run the emotional life. It is only by keeping ego in check that you can have a successful emotional life and love life. Maybe one day, ego may even have a hard time in business. Only time can tell. But, society has to collectively see the destruction that ego is causing and decide it is time for balance.
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Photo: Shutterstock
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