All my single friends say the same thing: dating today is way too hard. After all, our parents met through their parents, or on blind dates arranged by well-meaning friends. Online dating is the bane of everybody’s existence, especially when it’s common knowledge that the algorithms are working against our best interest, profiting off our relationship status. Even when I met the love of my life on Tinder, I understand how awful the apps can be.
These days, there are hardly any meet-cutes or fated encounters, anymore — whether romantic or platonic.
Enter the butterfly effect
While a movie exists on the phenomenon, it’s been a viral TikTok trend that resurfaces every six to eight months. Scores of videos come up that show how randomly getting on Roblox one day helped someone meet their soulmate, or answering a DM led a woman to reunite with 6 of her siblings.
The idea is this: a butterfly perhaps flapped its wings once in a small city in the West Indies, and led to a tsunami in Sri Lanka. A small, seemingly unnoticeable event leads to absolute chaos or shifts the whole trajectory of a nation — or, in this case, a few people.
“The butterfly effect does not mean you swiped right on your husband on a dating app,” says Ashleigh Carter on this TikTok about the phenomenon. The idea is something small — frequently out of your control and entirely unprecendented, can completely turn your life onto its head.
Like I said, I met my guy on a dating app. But what if I told you the whole universe conspired to bring him into my life?
Something small can change your life, so pay attention
It’s March 2021, and I’m on a call with Niccolò, the admissions coordinator at my University in Florence, Italy. I’d started my one-year Master’s degree in design from IED Firenze in January, but it’d been months since I’d been doing classes at home. I’m sat in my sea-facing appartment in Dubai, telling him that my visa to Italy still isn’t here, and that I’d like to drop out of my course.
The facts are these: I’m completely prepared to get my visa except for a formal translation and attestation from Italy for my British degree, which I’m expecting from CIMEA, the Italian center for statements of comparability for academic qualifications. Although when I applied for it in November I’d paid hundreds extra to fast-track it, it’s been a while and all my emails have gone unanswered, all my efforts nearly in vain.
I’ve been informed that the person who’s meant to work on my case, “will be back online shortly,” for months, now. My Master’s program started in January. Even if I got the comparability and translations tonight, it would be months more before I would get my visa.
“You can quit now, in theory,” He said. “And I’d try to get you as much as I can back. But you’d only have a smaller portion of your enrollment returned, and you’d have to reapply next year. We can’t guarantee the fees will be the same, nor of any scholarships.”
Niccolò then assured me that I’d have online access for as long as it takes. Many other students were also stuck out of Florence — whether thanks to the pandemic, because of schengen visas.
Inspite of my best efforts, I’d ended up only moving to Italy from the UAE in June, 2021. Unbeknowst to me, the love of my life was in Ireland, still writing exams and making his project for his Physics degree. Hold tight, sweet man. I’m on the way!
Because I’d arrived late, I had no option but to apply for a permit of stay late. A visa that was meant to last from January 2021-December 2021 would now last from May 2021-April 2022. I consoled myself that I’d have enough time to find myself a part-time job and earn back some of the savings I’d spent on rent and my broken foot. I fully intended to return to Dubai when I was done since it was hassle living in Italy and I all but hardly spoke the language. I went for interview after vain interview that led to low-ball offers I would sooner die than accept.
My father’s job was made redundant and he worked part-time at his company, now. From their large 3-bedroom penthouse they moved on to a one-bedroom. I’d be crashing on their couch until I got back on solid ground.
Except, they weren’t ready for me.
“We’re not ready for you,” my father’s voice rang out on the phone. “How about you change your flight?” I bit my lower lip. My lease wouldn’t be out until the end of May, anyway. The visa office said that, since I was awaiting a permit of stay, I could technically “overstay” by about a month or so. So, I moved my flight to the 20th of May. It actually gave me cash back.
The stars had aligned already, since my partner had moved to Montebelluna at the time, gotten himself on Tinder, and managed to set up date #1 in Florence. Date #2 was set up for Venice. Not long after, we were shopping in Ikea for our new home, and the rest was all love and roses.
The clincer here? My classmate had also moved from the UAE and done the same process as me, but unlike me, she got her visa immediately. She was the first one of all the international students to join in-person classes.
The move that made me question everything made sense when I finally found the man it was conspiring to make me meet.
Sometimes, it’s just good luck
Nothing about my life has ever really gone quite as I planned, but has definitely led me to some of the most incredible loves, opportunities, friendships, and careers I could’ve imagined.
You could be on the apps for years and you’ll end up meeting the love of your life on the train. You could travel by train forever and the day you fall asleep on one you end up next to the woman you’ll marry. You could move to Lyon, only to get offered your dream job in London two months in.
The thing about fantastic stories is they’re not replicable. To some, it’s a red flag that both my partner and I moved in together after just two days. And I wouldn’t tell anybody else to do it, either! But for us, at that time, in that moment, it made perfect sense.
Love is a fated event. It’s not always an algorithm, not always a DM or a friend of a friend. Sometimes, it’s a look from a stranger at the coffee shop next door that lingered a second too long, only to end up on a blind date with them three years later. You might not even notice but pouring tea all over your favorite shirt got you to the same laundromat as the person who’s meant to be your soulmate.
Romanticize it. Or, y’know, don’t. But look for the signs and you’ll find them everywhere.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Justin DoCanto on Unsplash
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