Believing that love never dies is a task that can give you many headaches.
Moreover, it can keep you tied to completely unhealthy types of love.
To begin with, I would like you to answer a question: how do you feel now about your first love?
I was about 17 years old! And I swear I feel absolutely nothing.
Did I love her? Surely! Since then, however, a few more loves have fallen on my soul.
To believe that love for a person never dies means to believe in that ‘happy ever after’. And that seems dangerous to me.
That kind of happiness rather condemns you to suffer. Not to mention that it only happens in stories.
When you think love never dies and you find yourself abandoned, you suddenly wake up in a nightmare that shakes all your beliefs.
Failure is so great that you simply become the enemy of your own life.
Deserve?
I think not!
Let’s be serious, just as you fall in love — and this is a process that can be subject to reason — so you can get out of love.
And this outlet is absolutely necessary, especially in the case of people who are abused and who say: ‘yes, but I love him!’
Those people really have to learn to get out of that love that causes them great suffering.
‘Okay, okay, but how do we do that?’, you might ask.
You work on your brain! Everything starts from there, not from the heart!
That’s so we know what we’re talking about! All emotion, including love, comes from the brain. The heart just beats. That’s it!
Quitting love is like quitting smoking 🙂
Seriously, don’t laugh!
What do you do when you want to quit smoking? You are self-suggesting! You repeatedly say to yourself: ‘I have to give this up or it will kill me!’
The brain takes the message, processes it, and looks for ways out of the situation.
It worked for me. I invaded my brain with these thoughts until, one fine day, just… I got rid of the vice!
Sure, this can also be done with love.
“If you want to get out of love, you have to teach your brain that the person is not as good as you thought. If you do this for a long time, the brain will begin to believe and act as such. There is one more method — occupying your brain or boring it. People need to understand that you can’t just forget something.
We have to prepare our brains for this, it is a complex process. Another way is the release of happy hormones. And for this, anti-depressants must be avoided, because they can reduce the possibility of people falling in love again, inhibiting the secretion of serotonin’, says Berit Brogaart, author of the book: ‘On romantic love — simple truths about a simple emotion’.
Do you see It is possible? It is possible to get out of love, especially when that love hurts you when it causes you suffering.
When love enriches you, and elevates you, you have no reason to get out of it. Then you simply enjoy.
To be able to learn to deal with our emotions, we must learn to know them, learn how we function, and how we can recover when complicated situations arise.
Oh, and one more thing, we need to stop believing in myths. Love can be short or long-lasting. There is no clear recipe!
Its duration is directly proportional to the level of involvement of the two and their desire to succeed together.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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