Sometimes, love isn’t as pretty as we think.
You think you’re giving it your all, but the other person keeps you at arm’s length. They don’t clearly say how they feel. They leave you guessing, but they never explain.
You’re confused. You don’t know what they’re thinking. You don’t know what the future holds. You don’t know what to do.
But love isn’t that complicated. You don’t need words to know if someone loves you. Love and not-love are obvious. Don’t believe me? Just break up with them and see.
If they act like you expected, like nothing changed, then there’s nothing to regret. You can just move on. But if they really love you, even after breaking up, they’ll do everything they can to get you back.
A Tale of Two Loves
Emily had a crush on Jason for 10 years. When she finally worked up the courage to confess, he rejected her.
At the time, Jason was focused on getting into his dream school and pursuing his passion for space exploration. He wanted a partner who shared his ambition.
After being rejected, Emily went back to her life. She worked hard to become a better person.
But none of this affected Jason. He followed his plan, got into MIT, and didn’t give up on his dreams even though he didn’t major in aerospace engineering.
In his junior year, Sarah confessed her feelings for Jason, and he accepted. They thought they would be together forever, but their differing paths caused a rift after graduation.
Jason couldn’t let go of his dream of space exploration. Sarah, on the other hand, was worried about the hardships of being with him. She knew the challenges of research, and she knew they needed money to live comfortably.
Sarah didn’t agree with Jason’s choice, so she tried to push him away by breaking up with him. She didn’t expect him to agree.
After the breakup, Jason continued his studies in aerospace engineering, getting both a master’s and a doctorate. Sarah climbed the ladder to success, eventually earning a seven-figure salary.
She heard that Jason wanted to switch from research to finance, so she went to see him. She had high hopes, but she left disappointed.
For a long time, she thought he was changing his mind to be with her. But she realized that wasn’t true. Jason had already moved on.
The Difference Between Love and Not-Love
If you truly love someone, even after breaking up, you’ll still feel a strong urge to see them again. You’ll remember the good times.
Sarah clearly loved Jason at one point. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have tried to get back together with him so many times. She wouldn’t have brought up Jason every time they talked in the alumni group chat.
But Jason saw her as someone from the past. He had moved on. So, Jason’s feelings for Sarah were more like finding a companion. Maybe there was some love, but not much.
He wasn’t willing to give up everything for her. He wasn’t willing to go back. He wasn’t even willing to try to win her back.
Their breakup showed that Sarah loved him more. Jason’s feelings might have been affected, but they weren’t devastating.
A Different Kind of Love
Jason and Emily were different.
When he first rejected her, he didn’t feel anything. He didn’t love her back then.
Later, they got together because of a game, and they fell in love while spending time together. They also fought over misunderstandings.
When Jason came back from a long trip, he didn’t go home to rest. He sat outside Emily’s building and played games with her.
The first thing he said to her was, “Are you still mad?” He cared about her feelings, but he was also afraid she would reject him, so he acted cautiously.
That’s what happens when someone loves you.
Emily confessed her feelings again, and he rejected her again. But this time, it was painful and difficult. Emily had a place in his heart, and he couldn’t easily let her go.
A Love Worth Fighting For
To win Emily back, Jason even dug out his old computer from 10 years ago. He wrote her a letter the old-fashioned way. He remembered her email password. He even bummed rides and drivers.
He was desperate to get her back. He seized every opportunity, telling Emily he was in a hurry, that he regretted his decision, and that his intelligence had dropped since meeting her.
He even said with regret that he should have been the one to confess, “Will you be my girlfriend?”
He even planned out what to say to her parents, but he accidentally revealed his true identity when he met them. He was desperate for their approval.
You can see that true love changes you.
The Difference Between Love and Convenience
Jason once told Sarah, “I’m sorry, I should have apologized. I was too quick to agree. I thought you were independent enough, but I didn’t think about what I needed to give. It turns out I’m not a good choice.”
When you’re with someone but you haven’t thought about what you need to give, it means you don’t love them that much.
He just thought she was independent, that they were intellectually equal, and that she would understand and support his dreams.
When he fell in love with Emily, he realized that true love isn’t about whether the other person is independent. It’s about what you can do for them, what you can give them.
He even took a week off to go to a competition with Emily. But Sarah had to go to his office to see him and have dinner with him.
Love and Regret
Falling in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is bound to cause trouble.
You can tell if someone loves you by how they act after a breakup.
Hayao Miyazaki said, “I don’t know how much I like you, but if I’m going to see you, I’ll run.”
Jason was a rocket when it came to Emily, but he was hesitant when it came to Sarah. At first, he met her because they had a history, but then it became an obligation.
There’s no need to wait for someone who doesn’t love you anymore. Don’t beg them to change their mind. No matter how much you cherish the past, it’s over.
Especially when they’re moving on, and you’ll find your own happiness eventually, right?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Jackson Simmer on Unsplash
