Loving Boyfriends Make the Worst Heartbreakers

Nearly every woman in the dating market has had at least one bad boyfriend.

He leaves you crying yourself to sleep more often than not. He makes you question your self-worth and wonder if you’ll ever be deserving of love.

He doesn’t give you enough attention. He doesn’t really care all that much about your dreams and life goals. He doesn’t make you feel appreciated. And if you stay with him long enough, you often learn to expect that.

Your friends and family tell you that you’re in a toxic relationship. It’s apparent to everybody in your life…sometimes even to you.

Heck, he may even tell you that you deserve better.

(And you might still choose to stay with him.)

But if the relationship does eventually end, you generally look back and think, “thank goodness I’m outta there!”

Good riddance.

Once you’re out of it, you realize that you’re better off single than with a boyfriend who doesn’t treat you well.

But a good boyfriend is capable of so much more damage.
Picture this —

You meet a guy and hit it off from the jump. He’s sweet and funny and everything you’d ever hoped for in a man. He treats you so much better than your exes and promises to love you forever.

He listens to you when you talk, he makes you feel beautiful, he never leaves you crying yourself to sleep at night because he cares about you so much.

He promises you the moon and the stars and everything in between.

You’re going to be a family. He wants you to be his wife and mother of his kids.

He knows you inside and out. He’s familiar with your body, your mind, your soul, and everything that makes you who you are.

He truly loves you.

Or so you think.

Because one day…he just stops.

He’s grown tired of the relationship. He’s met somebody new or wants to move on to the next chapter of his life. He decides that he no longer wants a future with you.

He’s done.

And you’re left wondering where it all went wrong.

Bad relationships end because they’re bad.

Most people come out of a toxic relationship relieved that it’s finally over. Better to be single than settle for the bad behavior from a man who couldn’t tell his head from his ass.

But what about the girls who find themselves booted out of good, loving relationships?

What about the girls who truly felt loved up until the bitter end?

With bad relationships, you can at least understand why it didn’t work out.

The ending of a seemingly good, healthy relationship isn’t always as easy to process.

You may be left blindsided. If your boyfriend genuinely seemed to love you, the fact that he suddenly stopped could be extremely traumatic.

If someone once loved you that much, and still ended things, how do you know the next person to claim to “love” you won’t be exactly the same?

All you want is to find someone who loves you again.

The love you had once is all that you wish for, and every new relationship falls flat. All you want is to go back to the beginning before it all ended.

You want the love you had before he took it away.

But maybe it isn’t as simple as that.

Some points to consider:

1 — All “bad boyfriends” start out as good ones (to some degree).

Nobody gets involved with someone who they find absolutely repulsive. Even bad boyfriends had something about them that you found initially attractive.

Something about him drew you in. He must have had at least a few redeeming qualities.

And 2 — Is a “good boyfriend” who breaks your heart really such a good boyfriend after all?
If a person breaks your heart, falls out of love with you, and leaves after promising you forever…is he really that good?

Someone who truly loved you would be willing to work through any problem, any obstacle, any hardship because they would know that you’re worth it.

Granted, if you are the toxic one in a relationship, it makes sense that he would eventually reach his limit.

But, if you love him with everything you’ve got and even that isn’t enough to keep him around…well, that’s on him.

Final thoughts

It takes two people to make a relationship. So, maybe, there isn’t such a thing as “bad” or“good” boyfriends in isolation.

There are healthy and unhealthy relationships.

There are happy and unhappy love stories.

There are relationships meant to last a season, and relationships meant to last a lifetime.

“Good” or “bad” boyfriends make up only half the equation.

So while a loving boyfriend may have the potential to be the worst heartbreak of your life — know that this, at most, is only 50% on him.

It takes two to tango.

When you choose a person to love, commit to, and invest in, make sure that you are choosing wisely. Don’t get so caught up in the idea of romance that you miss the tell-tale signs that your relationship isn’t meant to last.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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