Making Sure No One Touches You With a Ten Foot Pole

Guys aren’t supposed to get eager.

That’s the unspoken rule in adultery. Men who are desperate; get ignored.

This guy on r/adultery committed a worse sin than being a cheating pig. He was “too interested.”

When the woman in question fries your brain because she’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

Tits, ass, mouth, hair, legs, body. Every porn fantasy rolled into one delicious package. She’ll tie you up, tie you down, suck you off, make your eyes roll back harder than anyone before, make you moan, and scramble every ounce of resolve you once thought you had.

You have to get it together. Resist the urge to be “too interested.”

Don’t turn off every prospective affair partner with these thirsty moves. Do this instead:

1. Wait to text

Apparently, your thumbs had some type of Grand Mal Seizure and started moving on their own. They wrote a manifesto on why making homemade pesto is life-changing — adding that you own a Cuisinart blender.

“I’m hot in bed and in the kitchen, babe.” And, “I know how to cook, wink wink.”

She’s thinking, “I can’t believe the stupid shit he’s texting me.”

Your index fingers moved at the speed of light. You are the King of Communication. While he typed, she thought, “Is he waiting by the phone? That’s not cool.”

A little less communication is in order.

2. Have too much hubris

This is directly related to #1. You think you are all THAT. Which, of course, you are, you know. She just needed to witness your tricks in the bedroom.

“You are never going to find better than me.”
“I’ll rock your world.”
“I have what you need.”
“I will not disappoint.”

Don’t write that shit. There are many unspoken words in this dance of adultery. Only idiots like yourself are too pompous to ignore them.

Don’t blow up phones, play eager, or be boring. KISS O’ DEATH. Women in cheating land don’t need another husband. They need a hot, fun escape from their mind-numbing routine.

Be a sure bet in the sack.

Not some guy tooting his own horn. Which is the only tooting he’s going to get, lol. Your dick is not made of unicorn dust and fairy spit. It sparkles only for you, my friend.

Be a bit of a mystery. Always slightly unattainable. Believe me, it works like a charm. Women go ape shit for this.

3. Allow No Breathing Room

Also directly related to #1.

First thing in the morning and last thing at night. Clocking in and clocking out like this was an Amazon warehouse job. “She’s gonna be impressed by my devotion.”

Or, she might be alarmed.

“Does this dude have a wife? Children? What the HELL?” And, “Why does he want me so damn much?” It is not good to get those wheels a turning. Nope. That road is a dead end to wanking-off-in-the-shower land.

She’ll think you have no other options.

And that makes you a LOSER.

Even if you are a Greek God, dipped in gold, with dollar bills stuffed in your briefs…she’ll be turned off.

Takeaway

So, play it cool, my fellow philanderers. It’s all a game. Flirt. Be fun. Don’t take it so seriously. Sure, you may never get laid, but are you desperate? Don’t be, even if you are.

Being thirsty isn’t attractive.

Don’t get too attached. Don’t try to wife/girlfriend her. Stay in your lane. Don’t let your man brain blow up over a potential lover. That’s your dick talking — it’s taking over your cerebrum. That’s the higher-order thinking part, dummy.

Good luck.

You and your willie are on your own now. I gave you my best advice. Listen, or you’ll be like the guy in the picture above. No ten-foot pole is coming close.

…

Follow me at [email protected] (It’s free motherfucker and I’m worth it)

Don’t make me sell my body on OnlyFans, support me at [email protected]

Buy me a coffee at ko-fi/monalisasmiled because I’m interestingly evil…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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