Andrew Smiler is stunned by how quickly we can go from expressing concern about domestic violence at the Grammy’s to idealizing it in 50 Shades.
Five days. At Sunday night’s Grammy awards, domestic violence (DV) survivor Brooke Axtell spoke powerfully. Millions have applauded Axtell’s speech and her bravery. Her story and her message have appeared in Time, Slate, and elsewhere. Appearing with Katy Perry a week after Perry performed at the Super Bowl, DV has never had a higher public profile, even if the public–and the NFL–don’t really know how to talk about it.
On Friday, the movie version of “Fifty Shades of Grey” will be released in American theaters. The central story of the (first) book is whether or not 21 year old virgin Ana will sign a contract that makes her a slave to multi-millionaire 27 year old John Gray. In the book, Grey doesn’t wait for Ana’s consent. He starts treating her as his slave, spanks her and humiliates her without her consent, before she signs the contract. It’s not until the end of the first book that she finally agrees.
From DV as a problem that needs attention to celebrating violence against women? Five days.
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From DV as a problem that needs attention to celebrating violence against women? Five days.
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I don’t understand why women flocked to this book. Not all women, to be sure. Writing in the Atlantic, Emma Green described the typical reader: women, mostly in the 30 – 59 age group with plenty of others in the 18-29 demographic. Approximately 10% of adult American women have read the book.
Those stats mirror the typical reader of romance novels, according to the Romance Writers of America (RWA). The RWA also says the typical reader has a household income of $55,000, making the audience solidly upper-middle class. They describe the market as having generated sales just north of $1 Billion in 2013, with the typical fan reading at least one book per month.
The RWA says there are two basic elements to a romance novel. A central love story that “centers around individuals falling in love and struggling to make the relationship work” and “An Emotionally Satisfying and Optimistic Ending.”
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Based on what’s popular, that struggle to make the relationship work includes women accepting abuse from men. In Fifty Shades, that’s literal. In an unhealthy lifestyle he calls BDSM, Gray repeatedly hurts Ana without her consent, and she repeatedly chooses to not say anything because she worries that telling him no will end the relationship. Many DV survivors say they stayed with their abuser because they feared the end of the relationship.
Ana repeatedly chooses to not say anything because she worries that telling him no will end the relationship, just like many DV survivors.
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In Outlander (book one), Jamie commits what modern readers will recognize as spousal rape. Claire attempts to fight him off, but he is much bigger than she and a trained fighter. Claire describes her body as “traitorous” for responding enthusiastically when Jamie enters her, stops fighting, and the sex is fabulous. Spousal rape is common experience in DV.
This message of women accepting pain from their male lovers isn’t restricted to these books in print. It’s also delivered in beloved movies like Pretty Woman and Grease. In PG-13 Pretty Woman, Edward outs Vivian as a prostitute and doesn’t stand up for her, then makes a thin apology and she walks out. He catches up to her at the elevator, apologizes properly, and we next see them talking in bed, presumably post-coitus. A verbal slam to the other person, followed by a sincere apology? Those are the incident and reconciliation phases of the cycle of abuse.
It’s a little different for G-rated Sandy in Grease. She “only” has to deal with Danny’s school-year long rejection…which is based on his unwillingness to put her before his reputation. Sandy gives up her body metaphorically, completely changing her appearance from chaste and proper to hot and sexy, while also shifting from an individual identity to being another member of the Pink Ladies in order to enter his world. The perpetrator’s perspective comes first, as is often the case in DV relationships.
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We all understand that media messages can be problematic. That’s a basic premise of the anti-princess movement. In Michele Yulo’s Princess Free Zone, Rebecca Hains’ “The Princess Problem,” and Lori Day’s “Her Next Chapter,” the point is to challenge the notion that the only thing good about a girl or woman is how she looks and how much she cares for her man.
The women I usually hear talking about Princess Culture are the same demographic group the RWA says are buying their books: middle- and upper-middle class women in their 30s to 50s, the prime parenting years. I hear concerns about Princess Culture from liberals and conservatives; nobody seems to want their daughters to grow up believing there only option is to wait for Prince Charming; everyone seems to want their girl to grow up to be strong, self-confident, and understand that she doesn’t need a man to take care of her.
These women are supporting a similar–and more dangerous–myth: love excuses abuse.
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Yet these same women are supporting a similar–and more dangerous–myth: love excuses abuse.
In a span of five days, we will go from Axtell’s “Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not silence, shame, or abuse” to “love is worth any cost.”
Author’s note: The term “interpersonal violence” (IPV) has replaced “domestic violence” (DV) in much writing and many conversations. Axtell used domestic violence and because I quoted her, I have chosen to use that term throughout.
I think the film and books have been taken far too seriously. They’re for entertainment, surely. I thoroughly enjoyed them all. Not exactly off practicing all the “moves”. Some have had the fire dept out rescuing them.
Great, honest, brave piece, Andrew. I think you are on the spot linking the irony to the Grammy anti-violence evangelism. It got me thinking, is there any way the producers of this film could walk onstage at the Academy Awards, make a statement of any kind about what they were trying to achieve creatively with the film, and not get laughed out of the theater? So if there is no legitimacy to this enterprise beyond free speech, and it would be virtually impossible to defend it on any grounds other than exploitation, how is that the industry can feel good… Read more »
To me, 50 Shades is what happens when for generations you tell women that porn is bad, degrading and just give them this one little outlet, books. In other words, we say that if porn is filmed, it must be degrading not matter what but if it is written, it is romantic. For over fifty years, sex-negative feminism told us that porn (or even sexual desire) is degrading, a submission of women to men. It all really means “I’m just insecure because I think men won’t like me if they see any of those girls” That’s called insecurity. Everyone feels… Read more »
I think by the very mixed reactions 50 Shades of Grey has received from women alone infact tells us that just because something is written and is considered female-centric, that not all women are going to think it’s great or romantic. Frankly, I’d love to see more men speak out as strongly and passionately against porn as I’ve seen many women speak out against 50 Shades. I also don’t think women need anyone to tell them anything to come to certain personal beliefs about how they are or aren’t degraded in culture and entertainment. If you can think for yourself… Read more »
Erin- you make very interesting points… What goes on inside the female mind in terms of fantasy is so varied and personal….and it may have very little with what goes on in her real life….I remember my HS girlfriends reading endless romance novels (“The Thorn Birds”, “Dare To Love”, Barbara Cartland novels, etc.) on the train back and forth to school…even funnier is that these same girls have grown up to be immensely powerful, dynamic, and independent women (and married to incredible spouses!)….I’m not sure what my GFs would say today about “50 Shades”…perhaps they would just pound it on… Read more »
Thanks Leia. It’s a complex topic to be sure. And I agree it’s a varied and personal one. the juxtaposition between what happens in our real lives and what happens in our fantasies is a very interesting one indeed. Although I personally tend to error on the side that fantasy does infact say something important about our psychology. As to what it’s saying, that’s the part that’s up for debate
Andrew, I agree that the book and the women who support it are supporting the belief that love excuses abuse. And I also think that there exists an equally dangerous myth through entertainment that’s designed to cater to men, that men who support that entertainment buy into as well. And that myth is: sex excuses abuse too. There was a recent study done that something out of 304 of the most popular porn titles had 80%+ accounts of acts of physical aggression disproportionately act out toward women through verbal and physical acts of humiliation. If male abusers are desired on… Read more »
Good writing.
And I urge everyone to read the article by Emma Green that is referenced in the begining:
http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2015/02/consent-isnt-enough-in-fifty-shades-of-grey/385267/
Thanks FlyingKal. And I also encourage folks to read Green’s article in the Atlantic.
At the very least, the book’s reception proves that “creepy” is entirely in the eye of the beholder. Christian Grey is rich and good-looking and very creepy and absolutely nobody calls him a creep.
The threshold for creepyness changes according to looks and status for some women and men.
…and if you sell it as “fiction”, then people might “suspend disbelief” and not notice. But it’s time to start noticing, the same way that we started noticing the problems with Princess Culture.
Hi Andrew
I am glad to see you write that 10% of adult American women read the book since I have heard men say this is the kind of sex women really want since all women read the book, that is the proof.
I will not read the book,
I will not see the film. It has already been shown here in Scandinavia for the first time,
And I was so thankful when male journalist wrote in the newspaper after they saw the film, that is simply trash.
My girlfriend bought that book for her best friend’s birthday, because the title was well-known. A while later she told me in a somewhat shocked voice: “She told me that that book is about sex. I seriously had no idea! I would not have bought it had I known.” 😀
Thanks Silke & Theorema.
I can only speak for myself, Andrew, but I get the impression anyone that expresses their sexuality by any part of BDSM or other kink (such as myself) do not consider Fifty Shades of Grey to be an accurate reflection of such expressions– *especially* by dint of consent, and how it’s structured in BDSM. I’m also given to understand that the book started out as Twilight fan fiction before the author shaped the material to its current incarnation, which, for me, makes it very hard for me to take it seriously. I’m stymied to think anyone would. If either is… Read more »
Hi Jonathan,
I’m with you. The BDSM community has been very clear that this is wholly inaccurate of how D/s relationships should work. I didn’t want to go into detail there because that’s not the focus of this article, but it is part of why I stress that he does not have her consent.
As for it’s literary credit & origins, yeah. But the book has sold something like 250 Million copies worldwide. I’m more worried about the audience and the impact.