'Man Up' Is the Ultimate Insult

I read recently that women and men have two different emotional triggers.

If you want to upset a woman, mention her body image (weight, facial features, her figure in clothes). If you want to anger and alienate a man, attack, or cast aspersions on his masculinity.

For years I’ve heard the words “man up” used in films, in books, bellowed at the gym, on playing fields, or barked in the street. I hear it all the time, just about everywhere.

I have never understood the value of this put-down or why any person, man or woman, would direct it at a young boy, an adolescent, or frankly, any man of any age.

If it’s said to motivate a man to step up, it never works. If it’s said to boys because they’re being “too” emotional, it doesn’t quell the feelings, but strikes at a vital core.

This slap in the face remark is never funny, harmless, or helpful, never kind or encouraging. “Man up” is humiliating and belittling, always disrespectful, always delivered out of ignorance. It diminishes a boy or man’s sense of worth, leaving him feeling disparaged and defeated.

Every man has either said it or heard it and it does damage at both ends.

A single “man up” blurted from a father to a son, a coach to a young athlete, even a wife to a husband has the potential to wound that person for years, even a lifetime.

When I hear this insult uttered, I want to rush over to the target of the verbal assault, put my arm around the boy or man’s shoulders, and tell him to ignore it, that he’s man enough just the way he is.

If I sound like I’m taking this too personally, it’s probably because I’ve heard “man up” aimed at me more than once. The words hurt. For a long time. And always at the wrong time. Because there’s never a right time to deliver those jarring two words.

“Get up and man up.”

“You just have to man up and take it.”

“Stop whining, man up.”

No matter how it’s used, “man up” has no place in any conversation with any boy or man. Don’t try to justify or negotiate a harmless or helpful way to use it. There is none. Say it and you’ve shown your own insecurity. It hurts the sayer and much as the sufferer.

It’s time to put down “man up” and leave it where it can’t do any more damage.

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This Post is republished on Medium.