Marriage Tips I Would Have Gladly Accepted When I Was Single

Are you currently single and searching for a life partner?

Being single was a liberating experience for me many years ago. My schedules were light, and I didn’t have to worry about caring for any partner or kids. Yet, I knew then that I didn’t feel complete. That marriage was for me.

Getting married and starting a family is by far the best decision I have made.

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1. Marriage is essential

Getting married is a good thing. For, marriage is an institution that God ordained. In addition, research shows that married couples live healthier lives and rebound quicker from illnesses than their unmarried counterparts (be they divorced, widowed, or never-married).

One of the reasons for this good outcome is lowered stress hormone levels in married people. Married spouses also live longer and are wealthier.

However, that does not mean that all marriages are created equal, or that marriage is everyone’s cup of tea. Nope.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Bible, Genesis 2:24 (New King James Version)

2. Choose your life partner wisely

Your choice of a life partner is perhaps the most crucial decision you will ever make. So, choose with wisdom. If you are religious, you should also commit such a life-changing decision to prayers.

The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.

Julia Child

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3. Search widely for that special one

Stop being shy and naive. Don’t hide in your basement and expect your Prince Charming to fall from the blue sky into your waiting arms. Instead, expand your social circles to increase your chances of finding your sweetheart.

4. Stop chasing after the perfect spouse

Don’t waste eternity searching for the perfect partner. The ideal human specimen has not yet been created! Bear in mind that time waits for no one, so stop procrastinating deciding whether marriage is for you.

But, after finding the “special one”, it is advisable to spend some time getting to know each other before posing the “big question”.

A 2015 paper in the journal Economic Inquiry found a strong link between a more extended period of courtship with a higher probability of a happy marriage and lower divorce rates.

5. Have the right mindset

Come into marriage with the expectation that it will last for long. Avoid the mindset that you will bail out the moment your marriage doesn’t work out the way you envisaged. You will be surprised that your marriage may just work out as you had envisaged.

6. Respect your instincts

Listen more to your instincts, especially during courtship. Pay heed to the feedback you receive from your hunches and the opinions of trusted others.

Besides, beware of the Hawthorne effect. This observer bias is the tendency of people to behave more pleasingly when they know that they are under observation.

So, at all times, remain true to yourself, and don’t be a fake!

7. Don’t expect to change your spouse

You can change your spouse no more than you can force the proverbial horse to drink water. So, if there are qualities you observe in your boyfriend or girlfriend that you cannot bear with, don’t expect a magical change after you both tie the knot.

The only person you can hope ever to change is you!

8. Differentiate love from lust

Apply wisdom to discern love from lust during courtship. It is love, not passion, that sustains marriages over the long run.

Therefore, it is not surprising that the highest divorce rates occur within the first two years after the wedding. This period coincides with when the initial infatuation fades away, and the reality of married life sets in.

Marriage is a fairly long travelled route. But, as in the rudderless pre-GPS era, most of its rough terrains and blind spots are only discernable after embarking on the journey. So, better be prepared for the ride!

David Onu

9. Marriage is garbage-in-garbage-out

Marriage, like wealth, brings out the best or worst in each of us. You cannot give what you do not have. So don’t demand love, but be willing to give love. Don’t expect your partner to make you happy; instead, bring happiness to the table.

The garbage in, garbage out principle applies very much to marriage. If you take the best version of yourself into your wedding, then it has the chance to be a blissful and long-lasting one.

Otherwise, your marriage will be sabotaged by bad habits.

10. Happy marriages take hard work

Happy marriages are not “lucky” at all but the result of the intentional efforts of two dedicated partners. However, never forget that it usually takes two souls to sustain or wreck a marriage.

Marriages may be made in heaven, but they must be nurtured on earth.

Anon.

To recap

Now, you have the marriage tips I would have gladly accepted when I was single. It includes some of the benefits of getting married and how to choose your partner. Also that a successful marriage takes dedication and hard work.

It is my hope and belief that you may find these tips helpful if you are single and searching for your life partner.

Which of these bits of advice resonates with you the most? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks for your time.

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Check out David’s blog at https://davidonu.com

This post was previously published on medium.com.

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