Lady Chatterley answers the question, “What’s the best thing about married sex?”
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There are so many wonderful things about married sex.
All the usual clichés come to mind of course: the intimacy and familiarity. The history. And while those things are certainly true, in my experience, one of the best things about married sex is how honest it is.
There’s something incredibly liberating about the sex you have with someone who knows your mind and body intimately. Someone who understands your insecurities and can read your scars and your tears. A place often reached only through months and years of honesty. Of sharing snippets of truth in fears and stories and secrets. And through the establishment of trust. And safety.
Honesty in sex can be a shock, at first.
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Honesty in sex can be a shock, at first. The ability to articulate clearly and confidently what you like and don’t like, what feels good and what doesn’t, without fear of offending or embarrassing. Or of being embarrassed.
It’s something you don’t necessarily feel comfortable doing with a new or a casual partner. Something that develops over time. And with that truth comes authenticity, sex without performance. Without pretence.
It’s something you don’t necessarily feel comfortable doing with a new or a casual partner. Something that develops over time.
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For some, the ability to be honest about sexual wants and needs comes easily. For others it’s a gradual unlocking. A slower, more tentative unfurling. What marriage (hopefully) provides, is the safety and security to be truthful about sex. A space to explore fantasy and desire in a context of love and respect.
Married sex can be so many different things. Exciting, boring, wonderful. Repetitious, lazy and easy. Much like life generally. But being able to be deeply honest and open with your spouse, I think, is the very best part about it.
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Image: Gordon M Robertson/Flickr
Great points, Jules. I’m not sure that it’s possible to definitively state that married couples are any more or less honest about sex than other couples. Supposition is just supposition and anecdotes can always be countered by anecdotes. Regardless, the lack of honesty about sex experienced by some couples shouldn’t detract from the fact that many married couples who enjoy their sex lives are especially appreciative of the honesty they experience only in the context of their committed relationship. In thinking about whether it’s worthwhile to examine the way things ought to be, I always try to keep in mind… Read more »
“But being able to be deeply honest and open with your spouse, I think, is the very best part about it.” I think marriage in reality is the place where couples are the least honest about sex. Just why we continue ignore the reality around this issue (sex and marriage) mystifies me. I am not interested in the way things out to be. Rather, let’s have an honest conversation about the way things truly are. Else, all is simply a farce. You will never be a success in life unless you have tasted failure. More importantly, you have learned from… Read more »