Are you a real man? Do you have what it takes? Can you pass the Masculinity Definition Challenge?
Here’s the challenge:
Define masculinity in a way that excludes women.
Masculinity relates to the characteristics of being a man, so all you have to do is identify those characteristics that are unique to men. Sounds easy! I’m not even asking you to define masculinity in a way that excludes all the other genders. Just women.
I’m going to make this even easier. I’m going to tell you some answers that are wrong.
“Masculinity means you provide for your loved ones.”
And women don’t? Women aren’t wage-earners? Women don’t cook and clean for their families? Women aren’t care-takers? Women bend over backward to provide for their loved ones. Being a good provider is not what makes a man.
“Masculinity means being a good leader.”
Countries with women leaders have had significantly better outcomes in Covid-19 deaths than those led by men. So being a good leader has fuck-all to do with being a man.
“Masculinity means being strong.”
Watch the New Zealand women’s rugby team performing a haka and talk to me again about how strength is related to being a man.
“Masculinity is about being ambitious.”
Women are more likely to get an undergraduate or post-graduate degree than men, and it’s been like that for forty years.
Bonus round: Are you a real man?
Can you define what is “a real man”? Your definition should exclude anyone who isn’t “a real man”. For even more extra credit, provide a definition for anyone who isn’t “a real man”.
If I’m not a real man, what am I?
This is pointless
I am so sick and tired of reading about masculinity. Everything that I’ve read has failed to answer any of these questions. People make up definitions of masculinity for whatever suits their needs, but they never examine how their definitions relate to women, or non-binary individuals, or anyone else.
Humans have a quirky habit of classifying and categorizing everything they can think of. Sometimes this comes in handy. If you’ve got a couple of elephants, you might want to know if one comes from India and one comes from Africa. Indian and African elephants can be defined in such a way as to distinguish one from the other. A definition of an Indian elephant would be useless if it didn’t include elements that allowed for this distinction.
If your definition of an Indian elephant is a big gray mammal that walks on all fours and has a long trunk, then you cannot tell an Indian elephant from an African one, and your definition sucks.
If your definition of masculinity can’t distinguish between a man and a woman, then your definition sucks.
Not only are these definitions intellectually weak, but they are also often misogynistic. If you are defining masculine characteristics, the implication is that you are defining things that are separate from feminine characteristics. So when you include positive traits like strength, ambition, or leadership, you’re implying that these aren’t traits that women have. Or that women who have these traits are somehow masculine (which makes no sense).
So what are the characteristics of men that distinguish them from women? What makes a real man?
Or maybe all these definitions are a waste of time and our whole concept of gender is just stupid. Maybe the next time you’re worried about your masculinity, you should just think about what it means to be a good person.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Vadim Sherbakov on Unsplash
Davin Hall has missed out on about 3/4 of the “Masculinity Test.” The genuine test is not that you are not a woman, it’s that you are not “a sissy, queer, or homo.” Americans are still extremely homophobic, and our language reveals it. When Halls says, “If your definition of masculinity can’t distinguish between a man and a woman, then your definition sucks” he is saying that your definition itself is queer: it “sucks,” which is what homosexuals do, rather than straight men. The real balls in this conversation would be, can you embrace what makes you a man, and… Read more »