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What is the gender role of men in this new economy? How has the changing dynamics of the dating scene affected men? Those are two questions I’ve found myself thinking about recently after FINALLY completing Hanna Rosin’s The End of Men: And the Rise of Women.
In the much acclaimed book, Rosin discusses how an evolving economy and changes in what women want from dating is affecting men.
Rosin believes that men today feel uncertain of their place in society. Her argument for why men feel uncertain of their place in the economy is rooted in the decline of manufacturing (which greatly affects men due to their large makeup of that sector) combined with a changing demand for skills (skills that women are more likely to have).
As for dating, Rosin’s argues men feel uncertain with women due to a hookup culture where women today are more likely to just want casual sex because non-commitment allows them the freedom to go further in their pursuit of academics and career success.
Does all of this add up to the end of men? No
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Is it true that there is a decline in manufacturing? Yes. However, things for men aren’t as dire as she claims — many opportunities still exist for men not interested in a four year degree, men are still excelling in various other sectors, and men are even adapting to the changes in what skills are being demand in our economy today.
Moreover, while women today are more ambitious, there is still room for a stable relationship in their lives despite them having a more liberal attitude towards sex.
While gender roles have shifted, I don’t believe men are declining. Instead I feel in this time of change, it is our status as men (the way the world perceives us) that is declining and needs improvement.
With that in mind, I want to discuss three things we as man can do to improve our status.
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Be A Part Of The Conversation
May 26th, 2014 — For most men that day didn’t have any significance to it, for women, the story was different. That day the hashtag #YesAllWomen became the trending topic and created a dialogue amongst women that men missed out on.
Why did most men miss out? We missed out because we told ourselves that we weren’t bad guys, who make women feel uncomfortable, and hate women. We told ourselves that we weren’t those guys that women were talking about.
I remember thinking to myself, I’m a good guy, and because I’m not a “Bad Guy” and don’t associate with those types of men, I can’t relate to what women are talking about.
Looking back I realize that was a mistake. #YesAllWomen trended because it resonated with all women and they wanted men to listen to and understand their experiences.
I decided to move beyond my early inner thoughts and go back and participate in an open minded and meaningful way by taking the time to understand what women were saying (see links below).
#YesAllWomen (Not all men: how discussing women’s issues gets derailed)
Times are changing and women want their voices to be heard. By choosing not to listen to what women have to say, we choose not to be a part of the change.
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Explain What Makes Us Valuable
Recently I was reading up on how to get a raise. I learned that in the market place, the amount of power and influence that makes a worker attractive is in direct correlation to what they do, how they can do it, and how difficult it will be to replace them. It short, the more indispensable a worker is, the better their chances for getting a raise.
If a worker wants a raise, they need to create a plan explaining the things they’ve done that makes them valuable to society. Also, a worker needs to understand that if a raise just cannot be given at that time, there are other things (incentives) besides more pay that can add value to their career that can be negotiated instead.
The reason I bring all this up is because that advice applies not only to the workplace, but also to our lives outside of work. Our status (power and influence) as men has always been tied to our job. If the manufacturing (a male dominated) industry is declining, people assume men are declining.
As men we need to take that advice on how to get a raise, and apply it to improving our status. Society needs to be reminded of all the things men do besides work, that add value to society. We can start by outlining all the great things we’re doing today in our careers and making note of all the great things we have done in the past that have made society better.
Additionally, we need to realize that there are other things that add great value to our lives besides our career. Things such as being a loving husband and a great father to our kids. We are more than just our job title.
Society hears a-lot about what men aren’t doing, we need more voices that tell the great things we are doing.
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Have Open Discussions With Those Who Adhere To Toxic Masculinity
There are many mainstream articles that do a great job explaining the terms Toxic Masculinity, Male Privilege, and Mansplaining.
There are many great websites like The Good Men Project (GMP) that exist to help men become better by allowing men to tell stories about the defining moments in their lives.
All of those articles and websites are a great thing, however, where are the articles and websites for creating a dialogue between the good men and the pick-up artists, or good men and the men’s right movement, or the good men and any other men who feel attacked or marginalized in our evolving society. If there isn’t a platform that allows for such a discussion, those men will continue to feel attacked or even worse join those hateful online forums that spew anti-women rhetoric.
Determining how we can help these men starts with reaching out to them. In fighting against toxic masculinity, we (as good men) need to reach out, listen, and work together to discovers ways to help them integrate and evolve with the rest of society.
Masculinity needs to be re-imagined, and that change starts with good men having a conversation with those who embrace toxic beliefs.
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Male Status
When I say male status, I don’t mean male privilege (although male status is often related). Male status is the manner in which our conduct tells society who we are.
Men are believed to be declining because our status has taken a hit.
We need to improve our status because not doing so isn’t an option. Status follows social conventions and leaves little for interpretation. Besides, we as men won’t regret improving how we are perceived. All it takes is an initial investment, and before you know it, people will suddenly treat us differently and stop believing that we are declining.
As humans we are always going to act based the only information we have. If the information people have is that men are declining, then in situations that are based on social interaction (work and dating) we will suffer unless we improve how we are viewed.
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A version of this post was published on BlogWithDarnell and is republished with the author’s permission.
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