MEN: Give me 10 Mins, and I’ll Improve Your Odds of Getting a Date

Fellas, walk with me for a second. Picture this — You’ve matched with an incredible woman, your type on paper. The convo is flowing; the banter is sharper, then Excalibur, and then — WHAM — radio silence. Or worse, the dreaded “Yeah, I’ll let you know” limbo. Sound familiar?

Most men think landing a first date is all about slick canned responses and cheap parlor tricks. It’s not. It’s about genuine strategy.

Psychologists call it the Mere Exposure Effect — the more someone sees and interacts with you, the more attractive you become in their eyes. But here’s where most people screw it up: they play it safe, stay passive, and hope chemistry magically does the work for them. Spoiler alert: it won’t.

So the real question isn’t “How do I convince her to go on a date?”
The real question is “How do I organically engineer attraction so getting dates becomes effortless?”

By the time you finish this, you won’t just land first dates — you’ll have people wanting to say yes before you even ask.

So, grab a pen and paper (or just save this article) and get ready to take notes. Because by the end of this, you’ll be able to get dates like a pro!

1. Develop your confidence

“jUst bE cONfdident bro”

One of the most annoying and often misunderstood oversimplified pieces of dating advice that goes beyond beating a dead horse is the mantra of “just be confident.”

It’s like telling a depressed man to simply cheer up — a well-meaning but ultimately ineffective and shitty piece of advice. It’s so fucking annoying. Especially when I hear self-proclaimed dating experts spout out that mantra as if they’ve discovered fire.

Confidence is not a switch to be flipped on demand. It’s a complex, multifaceted trait that intertwines with our deepest insecurities and social anxieties.

Telling men to ‘just be confident’ is like giving a starving homeless guy a recipe for an incredible steak without ingredients — a very dumb, hollow solution.

The journey to confidence is internal. It’s about shifting perspectives, dropping insecurities, and embracing your true self. You have to be able to differentiate between confidence and competence. Competence is about skill, while confidence is about belief, regardless of skill level. Like the two wings of a bird, competence, and confidence must balance; one without the other, and the flight to self-realization never takes off.

Stop trying to impress anyone. The only validation you need is from yourself. Begin to develop this mindset now!

To get confidence, you need wins.

This is one of the biggest tools you’ll have when it comes to gaining truly superior confidence. Build a catalog, tower, and body of wins to help propel you forward.

This is the “winner effect,” a psychological and physiological phenomenon where winning an initial contest increases the likelihood of winning future contests.

Set achievable and very easy goals. For example, walk 15 minutes a day, be it fitness, or say “hello” to every human you walk past. Achieving these goals will start a cycle of confidence building, and you can start to count those small wins! I went from saying hello to strangers to meeting a woman at the car wash and dating her for a few months. But you gotta start super small and build up.

This mental shift from external validation to internal development will put you so much closer to peak confidence. Resilience isn’t the absence of failure but the willingness to rise and walk the path anew, with lessons learned and spirit undimmed, because as a lion learns the terrain with each hunt, so do we grow stronger with each challenge we face and overcome.

Take action to make confidence work!

Remember, investing in personal growth is a step towards a more fulfilled and confident self.

If you are not confident in yourself, it will be difficult for any woman to see you as a desirable partner. Everyone has insecurities, but it’s how you handle them that makes the difference. You gotta focus on building self-esteem.

“You have the power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” Marcus Aurelius

You can’t lose here, fellas.

If you struggle with self-confidence, try to focus on your strengths and positive attributes. Take care of yourself, dress nicely, and practice good hygiene. This will help you feel good about yourself and project a more confident image to others. People don’t like a stinky person. Sorry.

Get the f**k out of your house!

You can’t get a date if you’re not outside. One day, I was walking my Edmund at the local park, and he ran off the leash. A lady wrangled him in. I spoke to her and got her number in under 10 minutes. Cause I had to learn and develop number 1 of this article. I wouldn’t have gotten there by jerking off and playing video games.

Just saying.

This means being willing to meet new people and try new things. Joining a club or group that interests you is a great way to meet like-minded people who share your passions. Volunteering for a cause you care about is another way to meet people while doing something good for the community.

Here are 10 places I’ve met people to date, and you can meet them there too!

Coffee shops — coffee shops are a great place to strike up a conversation with someone over a cup of coffee.
Bookstores — if you’re a book lover, bookstores can be a great place to meet like-minded individuals.
Gyms or fitness classes — if you enjoy working out, gyms or fitness classes can be a great place to meet someone who shares your interest in health and fitness.
Museums or art galleries — if you’re interested in art or history, museums or art galleries can be a great place to meet someone with similar interests.
Parks or outdoor events — outdoor events or parks can be a great place to meet someone while enjoying the outdoors.
Sports events — if you’re a sports fan, attending a sporting event can be a great way to meet someone who shares your passion for sports.
Concerts or music festivals — if you enjoy live music, attending a concert or music festival can be a great way to meet someone who shares your love of music.
Community events or festivals — community events or festivals can be a great way to meet new people and connect with your local community.
Volunteering — if you’re passionate about a particular cause, volunteering can be a great way to meet someone who shares your values and interests.
Group classes or workshops — if you’re interested in learning a new skill or hobby, attending a group class or workshop can be a great way to meet someone with similar interests.

Get off your ass and meet people. PLEASE!

Life is too short, and the right person will love the pants off of you.

2. Be approachable

If you want to get a date, you need to be approachable. This means smiling, getting that ridiculous scowl off your face, and stop making a face like a smacked bottom.

Develop the habit of making eye contact and being open to conversation, and practicing small talk. If you’re at a social event, don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to people and strike up a conversation; people love talking about themselves. Just ask them about them. People are more likely to be attracted to someone friendly and outgoing. I used to be an introvert, but I had to learn this to master the art of conversation and talking to women.

The secret to connection? Simple. Be curious, not clever.

Try these things:

Use open body language — Your body language can send powerful signals about your openness and approachability. To be more approachable, try using open body language, such as facing the person you’re talking to, uncrossing your arms, and maintaining eye contact. This can signal that you’re open and receptive to conversation.
Smile — Smiling is a universal signal of friendliness and warmth, and it can make you more approachable to others. When you smile, it can create a positive atmosphere and make people feel more comfortable approaching you.
Use positive language — The words you use can also impact how approachable you appear to others. Try using positive language, such as “I’m happy to meet you” or “It’s great to see you.” This can help create a positive first impression and make people feel more comfortable approaching you.
Show interest in others — To be approachable, show genuine interest in the people around you. Ask questions, listen to what they have to say, and show empathy and understanding. This can help build a connection and make people feel more comfortable approaching you
Be authentic -Be authentic and true to yourself. People can usually tell when someone is being fake or insincere, and this can make them less likely to approach you. Be true to your values and beliefs, and let your personality shine through. This can help attract people who share your interests and values and make you more approachable overall.

3. Show interest in others

Pull your fat head out of your ass and realize other people exist, and they’re kind of interesting.

Well, most of them, anyway.

If you want to attract someone, show interest in them; that means letting someone have the floor for as long as they would like. Ask questions, listen to what they have to say, and show genuine curiosity about their life and experiences. This will help you build a connection with them and make them feel valued.

The most magnetic presence in the room isn’t the loudest — it’s the one who makes others feel seen trust me, fellas, the rarest skill isn’t just speaking with confidence — it’s listening with intent.

This is one of the biggest skills you can develop.

There are a few psychological reasons why people like talking about themselves. One of the primary reasons is that it can be pleasurable and rewarding. When people talk about themselves, it activates the same reward centers in the brain as food, money, and other pleasurable stimuli. In other words, talking about ourselves can be inherently rewarding and enjoyable.

Wow! Shut up and listen.

Another reason people like talking about themselves is that it can be a way of validating their own self-concept. When we talk about our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, we reinforce our own sense of identity and self-worth. This can be especially important when we feel uncertain or unsure of ourselves.

No skill is involved here. All you have to do is ask questions and LISTEN! In a vapid and selfish modern world, this skill alone will set you apart.

Weak, simple men dominate conversations; strong men control them by saying less and understanding more because the fool speaks to fill the silence; the wise man listens to command respect.

4. Don’t Be a Knob Be respectful

Respect sounds a little like pandering or performative to some people, sure.

But it’s actually such a crucial component of any healthy relationship, and it’s essential to demonstrate this from the very beginning give her respect and make sure you receive it. This means treating others with kindness, empathy, and understanding. Avoid making derogatory or offensive comments, and NEVER make her feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

Speak with kindness, and trust will follow; speak with cruelty, and silence will answer. Trust on this one: respect is easy and free.

I really shouldn’t have to indulge in this further. Just be respectful, and don’t be a fucking dickhead.

If you have to learn how to be respectful, you might have bigger problems I can’t solve for you.

5. Don’t beat around the bush be clear about your intentions.

If you’re looking for a casual hookup, be honest about that.

Please! Have the balls and gumption to declare that instead of lying and leading women on. There’s a special place in hell for people like that.

If you’re looking for a serious relationship, make that clear as well. This will help you avoid misunderstandings and ensure that both you and your potential date are on the same page.

When you are honest with your intentions, it shows that you are trustworthy and have integrity. This can create a sense of security and stability, as the other person knows what to expect from you.

Being honest with your intentions also shows respect for the other person. By being upfront and clear about what you want, you are allowing the other person to make an informed decision about whether or not they want to engage in the relationship. This can be especially important in the context of romantic relationships, where people are often looking for a partner who shares their values and goals.

Ya, see? It’s far sexier than you might realize.

6. Use humor, don’t take yourself seriously and lighten up.

Humor can be a great way to break the ice and make a connection with someone. Don’t be afraid to crack a joke or make a witty comment.

However, be careful not to be offensive or insensitive. I Always tell people to save humor till your face to face. It might sound weird, but humor does not always translate well over text or online. Unless you understand each other’s humor and personality, tread on the PC side of jokes. Humor should be used to make people feel comfortable and at ease, not to belittle or insult them.

I like to roast people. A lot.

But I have to wait till I’ve gotten to know someone before I start letting them have it.

7. Take rejection gracefully — DO NOT CRASH OUT.

Rejection is a part of dating, and it’s important to be able to handle it gracefully. If someone isn’t interested in you, don’t take it personally. Instead, try to learn from the experience and move on. Remember, there are plenty of other people out there who might be a better match for you.

Many people experience anxiety about being rejected by a potential partner, especially men, cause they often have to initiate a lot of the early stages of dating. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that men reported higher levels of anxiety about rejection compared to women. This study also found that men who experienced rejection in the early stages of a relationship were more likely to report lower self-esteem and more significant emotional distress. This can be especially tough if you’ve experienced rejection in the past and are worried about being rejected again.

Rejection and disappointment are an inevitable part of the process. But don’t let them get you down! Instead, try looking at rejection and disappointment as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. It’s okay to be rejected — it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough or that you’ll never find love. In fact, the more you put yourself out there and take risks, the more likely you are to eventually find the right person. And even if you don’t, you’ll have learned valuable lessons about yourself and what you want in a partner. So, the next time you get rejected or experience disappointment in your dating life, try to take a deep breath, let it go, and move on. You never know what amazing things are waiting for you just around the corner!

8. Just Chill The Fuck Out and Be patient

Getting a first date can take time, so it’s important to be patient.

I mean that, be patient. Why worry and focus on things that will ultimately be out of your control?

I’m not saying you should just sit around and wait for your dream person to show up at your front door. But I am saying there is always time, and you just never know when that time might be. So if things are not going your way, you must exercise patience to know that, eventually, your time will come.

No one ever got anywhere in dating by being impatient about things that are simply all part of the process.

But how can you actually be patient?

Building relationships takes time — Developing relationships, including romantic ones, takes time and effort. Rushing into a first date or trying to force a first date to actually come into fruition can actually backfire, as it may create an artificial or forced dynamic. Being patient allows the relationship to develop more naturally and authentically.

Focus on personal growth — Being patient can also provide an opportunity to focus on personal growth and self-improvement. By using the time to focus on your own goals and interests, you are developing a stronger sense of self and a clearer idea of what you want in a relationship; people will gravtiate towards you and find this so sexy cause you have other focuses besides finding “ the one.” This can ultimately help you be more successful and fulfilled in your romantic pursuits.

Don’t look desperate — Being patient will help you avoid coming across as desperate or needy. When we are overly focused on finding a partner, it can sometimes lead to desperation or neediness and looking like a “sucka” which can be a turnoff for others. By being patient and taking a more relaxed approach, you can come across as more confident and attractive to potential partners.

Don’t rush things or try to force a connection with someone who isn’t interested. Take things at a pace that feels comfortable and natural for both you and your potential date. If it doesn’t work out, don’t get discouraged. Keep putting yourself out there, and eventually, you will find someone who is a good match for you.

10. Be you — It Is What It Is.

Be honest and authentic. Don’t try to be someone you’re not in order to impress your date. This is the age of inauthentic people pretending to be someone there not, just by embracing all the funny, quirky, unique, and weird things about you. You’ve already won half of the battle!

Be true to yourself and your values, and let your personality shine through. This will help you attract someone who is a good match for you and build a more meaningful connection.

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, conducted by researchers at the University of Texas, examined the role of authenticity in the initial attraction between romantic partners (Davis et al., 2010). The study involved two experiments that tested the impact of authenticity on perceived attractiveness in potential romantic partners.

In the first experiment, participants were asked to rate the attractiveness of online dating profiles that varied in levels of authenticity. The profiles either contained truthful information about the person or were manipulated to include false or exaggerated information. The results showed that participants rated the more authentic profiles as significantly more attractive and desirable than the less authentic profiles.

Oh, but there’s more.

In the second experiment, participants were asked to engage in a series of speed-dating sessions with potential partners. Before the speed-dating sessions, some participants were instructed to be authentic and genuine in their communication with their dates, while others were instructed to put on a façade and be inauthentic. The results showed that those who were more authentic were rated as more attractive and desirable by their dates than those who were less authentic.

authenticity signals a number of attractive traits in a potential partner, including confidence, self-assuredness, and honesty. When people are authentic, they are perceived as more trustworthy, which can be an important factor in building attraction and intimacy in a relationship.

It genuinely shocks me that so many people miss and don’t utilize the best weapon in their datign arsenal.

YOU!!!

They want to date you. Not the usual version of yourself you think they want.

I promise you this, if you’re truly present in your true self, you are more likely to be perceived as likable, trustworthy, and attractive to others. authenticity lets them know immediately you are confident, self-assured, and lack pretense, all of which can be attractive qualities in a potential partner.

Look, I know that getting a first date can be challenging, but it’s not impossible.

By being confident, putting yourself out there, showing interest in others, and being respectful, you can increase your chances of attracting a potential date. Use humor, accept rejection gracefully, and be patient. When you do secure a first date, plan something fun and engaging and be present and engaged during the date. Above all, be honest and authentic. With these tips and strategies, you’ll be on your way to getting that first date you’ve been dreaming of.

I would wish you luck, but you don’t need it!

…

If this article resonated with you, don’t stop here — join the movement. Follow me on Threads, Instagram, TikTok, Substack, and join the Discord to connect with a growing community of men committed to leveling up, having fun, and meeting amazing women along the way. Together, we’re rewriting the rules, sharing real insights, and building a space where self-improvement and great conversations thrive. Don’t just read — be part of something bigger.

Thanks for reading,

T.H.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***