Last week in my practice I had two incredibly deep experiences.
Both of these are connected to a different story of our sexuality, and how our sexuality connects to all of our life.
The first was with a man who was raped when he was sixteen.
The impact of this on his sexuality and relationships was deep, limiting so much intimacy and connection.
He’s been able to change his sexual perspective to one of much greater intimacy, a deeper connection with his heart; he’s been able to connect with areas of his body that were fearful and have so much more pleasure in different ways.
The second was with a man whose bladder was removed due to cancer. This opened a whole new world for him, sexually, in his relationship, and all aspects of his life.
He began exploring the spiritual side of life, something he was only vaguely aware of before and was continuously amazed at what there was to learn and experience, and how this had helped change so much in so many ways.
I guided them both through a similar process of connecting with their pleasure being and afterward said that although this started as being separate from them, it would become a part of them in time, it would be internalized and connected to all aspects of their lives. I used the example that we could have this conversation because we were separate, sitting opposite each other. The first time I said that something inside of me jangled, like a bell ringing. The second time it came with a flash of light in my heart center and a moment that literally took my breath away, took me out of my body and had a feeling that I don’t really have words for.
After he left, I sat in tears at the power of this.
The conscious thoughts about it say this, and I must digress for a minute. Years ago, I was on a course exploring metaphysics. There was a great deal of reading on the course, and one book began with this, I’m paraphrasing, ‘The experiences I share in this book cannot really be described, the words just give a reflection of what I saw and felt.’
The words say this, what I experienced was a moment where there was no separation. There was just connection. One heart with another, and what separated us dissolved.
I was in that space for about an hour, unable to do anything other than feel, breathe, cry.
It was compounded by a beautiful message from my lover, and incredible feedback from a workshop I’d taught the night before.
Then there were other words.
None of us know what life brings. None of us know what the next moment holds for us. Regardless of what happens, we have a choice, an amazing choice.
These men, and all the men and women around the world who engage with these journeys of healing, growth, and exploration have made a choice.
The experiences, what happens to us, what is done to us, can shut us down, they can become our identity, we can be pain, live from the pain. Or we can see it as a space of possibility.
In this, we connect with something deep within us.
We connect, even though we don’t always see this in the beginning, we connect with love.
Love for ourselves, love for life, and love for the life, the us we can create.
All of us can do this.
One breath at a time, one step at a time.
Our perception has the power to create, to change, to heal. How we see ourselves can change, can expand.
For so many, the journey begins with pain, and in time we can be grateful for what we were able to do with this. This is how we give ourselves to ourselves, take us back from those who hurt us, from the experiences that hurt us. This is how we become more of ourselves.
And in time, more of love.
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