—
In today’s world, many are searching for the real definition of flirting vs. harassment. Back in the day, flirting was something we did when we saw someone we liked. We couldn’t keep it together. We were so excited, that when we spoke our voice shook, head tilted and palms got sweaty. The love licks were often and just soft enough to arouse interest.
Nowadays, arousal has grown to be something to question. How should one pique the interest of one who is unaware of my being and my and feelings towards them? When should one brave the war of compliment versus harassment? Is the fight in my head even necessary when I am destined to lose?
◊♦◊
Recently, I interviewed a 41-year-old single male. I wanted to understand how men viewed flirting and what it means to them. As a woman, I understand it as an experience that some people are comfortable with and others are not. There are people who find it to be quite disrespectful and those who enjoy the process. I noticed that the young man had to actually pause for a second before responding. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was searching the mind for the correct words to ensure that I, a woman would not be offended by the answer:
“I can’t speak for all men, but I am very visual. I love women, I love their physiques, but if I see someone that I like or think is beautiful or sexy, they do not have to know it. I have enough control and respect to refrain from reacting to what I’m feeling at the moment.”
Two words jumped out at me, control and respect. It was clear that he wanted me to identify with who he was as a man. This led me smoothly into my next questions.
“So, you never verbalize your initial thoughts? Well, how do you even make one aware of your presence and prepare to make a connection?“
“I do, but in a way that makes them smile and most of the time they reciprocate. Depending on the place, I approach them with confidence and swag. If they seem interested, I go from there. If not, I accept it for what is and move on. I’m very extroverted. I love to compliment women when I’m out. I get it, I know many women feel good in what they wear and feel even better when someone pays them a compliment. It is like confirmation for them. I have to always remember that I could be complimenting an introverted woman and my approach could overwhelm her. I can’t get offended if she blows me off. I’m responsible for how I conduct myself in every situation. If I am sincere and meant well I stand by my truth. Women are constantly sharing how they feel about me in similar ways. Some have even shocked me [by telling me] what they want to do to and with me. Personally, I find it pretty damn sexy. I don’t judge their style because that’s what they do.”
◊♦◊
It was imperative that I shared the interview because men and women think differently and react very differently to flirting. I also understand the difference in personality between introverts and extroverts. I am a relationship coach, not a flirting expert, but what I gathered from this was that it is 50% the approach and 50% self-awareness. A person’s appearance will forever be a loud topic of discussion. We dress for ourselves and for others. Unfortunately, the excitement of self-expression seems to be depilated by perception, which confuses the concept of freedom, free to not care about what one thinks of you or how you choose to look. However, no matter what we choose to look like, self-evaluation helps us to identify with who we are and why we do what we do.
—
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join like-minded individuals in The Good Men Project Premium Community.
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
◊♦◊
The Good Men Project is an Amazon.com affiliate. If you shop via THIS LINK, we will get a small commission and you will be supporting our Mission while still getting the quality products you would have purchased, anyway!
—
Photo credit: Getty Images
—
Huh?