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The Right Compliment at the Right Time
The right compliment at the right time is one of the most powerful ways to build attraction. And the best thing about compliments is that you are in control of them. They don’t involve waiting around for somebody else to notice you.
Compliments are the opposite. In a world where our social muscles have atrophied through phone addiction and far fewer people are willing to be brave about approaching someone in real life, it’s nice to have a tool in your belt that enables you to bridge the gap between you and another person—and build attraction at the same time.
In this article, I’m going to talk about why compliments work, why they are especially powerful when used with men, and the five compliments that thousands of men revealed had the biggest impact on them—the ones they couldn’t forget.
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Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.
The Attraction Formula
What is it about compliments, and how do they relate to attraction?
Let me explain very briefly a formula I have been talking about for over a decade: the attraction formula. There are four parts to deep and lasting attraction—chemistry, perceived value, perceived challenge, and connection.
I don’t have time to go into all of these, but I want to explain how compliments relate to three parts of the attraction formula.
Chemistry
Have you ever noticed that when someone says something nice about you—or when you know someone likes you or thinks highly of you—when they step into a room from that point forward, they’re suddenly on your radar in a different way?
It’s like they show up more brightly when they walk into a room because they’ve noticed you.
So when we give a compliment to someone else, we’re putting ourselves on their radar in a way that makes us shine more brightly to them. Chemistry can actually arise from discovering that someone thinks something positive about us.
Connection
Compliments also create connection.
When we compliment someone in a way that makes them feel genuinely seen, that creates deep connection. The best compliments make people feel like you see them in a way that other people don’t.
Perceived Value
The third part of the attraction formula that compliments relate to is perceived value.
When people feel seen by us and feel that their worth is recognized—especially when it’s a deeper value they have that they’re not usually seen for—you become special to them.
Why Compliments Have Such an Impact on Men
Before we get into the five compliments that men said were unforgettable to them, why do compliments have such an impact on men in particular?
Because the average man isn’t used to getting them.
When you read comments from men talking about the times they were complimented, they’ll often say something like, “It’s not the words—it’s that she noticed.”
One guy said, “I can remember every genuine compliment I have ever gotten from a woman. There’s only about five.”
That’s how rare it is for many men.
Women’s comments often back this up. One woman said her male coworker teared up when she told him he had great leadership energy. He said no one had ever said that to him before.
One of the most common misconceptions about men is the idea that looks are all that matter to them. That may be true for a certain type of man, but there are a huge number of men who value something even greater: feeling seen, feeling special, and feeling accepted.
When men feel these things, it can leave an indelible mark on them.
I think what’s undervalued right now is the male urge to feel needed, wanted, and appreciated.
Ironically, this may be partly responsible for the explosion of male-focused podcasts, YouTube channels, and men’s groups. Some of these spaces teach resilience and discipline. Others create environments where men feel safe sharing thoughts they previously felt unable to express. Still others blend emotional intelligence with traditional masculinity.
All of these voices speak to a desire men have—either to learn how to become worthy of love or to feel understood and accepted for who they already are.
Throughout my career, I’ve heard many women ask, “Where are the men who are doing the work?”
I tell them there are millions of them—but you may not see it because the work they’re doing rarely looks like the kind of work women are doing.
While society talks a lot about women feeling invisible, especially as they get older, there’s less discussion about how invisible and unseen men can feel—how much they worry they don’t measure up to other men or to what they believe women want.
Men may not always show vulnerability easily, but in truth, many feel more vulnerable than they ever have.
Compliment #1: “You Make Me Feel Safe”
The first—and most impactful—compliment men said they received was: “You make me feel safe.”
This one is fascinating to me because I have some very viral videos about compliments. In fact, one of the top videos on my YouTube channel—with over 21 million views—is about compliments, and it goes back years.
In that video, I said that one of the greatest compliments you can give a man is: “I feel so safe whenever I’m around you.”
Just saying that to a guy can make him feel like Superman.
This leads me to believe either that I was even more right than I realized—or that the video influenced how many men later received that compliment.
Why is this compliment so powerful?
Because it speaks to basic male instincts: the desire to protect and provide emotional safety—not through dominance, but through gentleness and strength.
It makes him feel both strong and like he’s having a positive impact on you.
Compliment #2: “I Really Respect How You Handled That”
The second compliment men said meant the most to them was: “I really respect how you handled that.”
This one speaks directly to a man’s sense of character.
It says, “I noticed your integrity in action.”
It affirms competence, judgment, and emotional maturity—qualities that many men define themselves by but rarely get credit for.
Respect is like oxygen for many men. When it’s genuine—not deferential, but discerning—it makes a man feel seen as capable and honorable.
Compliment #3: “You Have Such a Calming Energy”
The third compliment men said meant the most to them was: “You have such a calming or grounding energy.”
This validates men for who they are—not just what they do.
It shows him that his presence itself is powerful for you, that he changes the room simply by being in it.
One man said, “When a woman told me my energy made her feel calm, I felt seen in a way I never had. It wasn’t about how I looked or what I did. It was about who I was.”
Men are used to being noticed when they perform or produce results. This compliment says, “You matter even when you’re not performing.”
Compliment #4: “You’re Really Thoughtful”
The fourth compliment that men said meant the world to them was: “You’re really thoughtful.”
This recognizes his attention to your needs, his empathy, and the small things he does without being asked.
I know that for some women this can feel difficult to hear, especially if they’re dealing with men who are not thoughtful at all. And I’m not suggesting you give this compliment where it isn’t earned.
Sincerity matters.
But when a man genuinely does thoughtful things and those efforts are noticed, it can mean a great deal to him.
For many men, being appreciated for those small actions is like water in a desert.
Compliment #5: “I Love the Way You Think”
The fifth compliment that thousands of men said meant the most to them was: “I love the way you think.”
This one resonates with me personally. Anytime my wife Audrey has said something like that to me, it has meant a lot.
There’s something powerful about feeling admired for the way you see things, connect ideas, or express yourself.
Many men relate deeply to someone saying, “Your perspective fascinates me.”
Being appreciated for the way you think can be incredibly meaningful.
Your Turn
If you’re a guy reading this, which of these five compliments would mean the most to you?
And if you’re a woman, what’s a compliment you’ve given someone that meant the world to them?
Share your thoughts in the comments.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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Photo credit: unsplash
