Men: What Value Does Masculinity Hold for You?

What does it mean to be masculine, manly, or just a man? When men are asked this question, they tend to talk about traditional masculine traits. They might talk about “toxic masculinity” or focus on what society expects of men. Men, in general, have not been socialized to be particularly self-reflective about themselves, preferring action rather than contemplation. They do not see how the process of self-reflection can enhance relationships at work, with others with whom they interact, and intimate relationships.¹

This post is about how to use self-reflection to answer for yourself what value masculinity holds for you. I begin with what most men begin with, “how to define masculinity,” followed by how we came to describe men as “masculine,” and then talk about how we define human qualities and sort them into “masculine” and “feminine” traits. I will give you some questions to prompt your self-reflection about your masculinity.

Trying to Define Masculinity

Usually, masculinity is defined in terms of various lists of traits or characteristics. The traits that define masculinity are those on a psychological scale that differentiate between men and women, according to their self-report.²

Personality traits, in theory, tell us how a person thinks, feels, and acts. They are supposed to be stable and enduring aspects of a person, supporting the idea that there are “essential” masculinities and femininities, i.e., that these traits are biologically determined.

Psychologists criticize trait theory on several points:³

• People don’t act as consistently in different situations as trait theory says they do. For example, a man scoring high on an “aggression” scale does not act aggressively in every situation. So, to describe men as “aggressive” is too general.
• To define people in terms of a small set of traits does not capture fully the variety and complexity of men’s or women’s personalities.
• The theory does not say how people develop specific traits. Are they genetically acquired? Do we learn them?

Since the feminist movement of the ’70s, there has been an ever-growing number of different “masculinities,” such as inclusive masculinity, caring masculinity, toxic masculinity, flexible masculinity, and hegemonic masculinity.⁴ Not surprisingly, the idea of a “crisis in masculinity” is now in vogue.

Masculinity Is a Relatively New Way of Talking About Men

It is important to understand the history of using masculinity to describe men. The constructs of “masculinity” and “femininity” were introduced by sociological scholars and researchers in the mid-20th century to categorize how people conformed to the gendered expectations of society to be the breadwinner and the homemaker.⁵ Why is this Important? It reminds you to take into consideration the influence your immediate society has on what you think about masculinity. Masculinity and femininity are a way of thinking about men and women that has become so widely accepted that it seems like a natural or inherent part of life, rather than a new or novel idea.

The Concept of Gender

The modern concept of gender was used in the late 1960s by psychologist Robert Stoller who used the term “sex” to identify biological traits and “gender” to identify the degree of masculinity and femininity a person displays.⁶Gender has become the term we use when we talk about the social and cultural differences of males and females, rather than biological ones.

It was the Industrial Revolution that separated men and women into different spheres of living. Men lived in the public sphere, where they worked and created wealth, while women inhabited the private sphere—the woman’s sphere.⁷ Living in the public arena of competition, men were described as aggressive, competitive, and rational. In contrast, women, assigned to the home, were characterized as being pious, pure, submissive, and domestic. Above all, women were virtuous and were seen as the great civilizers of men.

Thus we ended up with a social system constructed to separate men and women into different spheres of living, public vs. private, based on sexual differences. This gendered system is a hierarchal social system in which men are the privileged sex.

Sorting Human Qualities by Sex

Ken Blackman, a couple’s coach has stopped using “masculine” and “feminine” in his work.⁸He objects to the idea that we have masculine and feminine “buckets” into which we sort any positive human quality. Attributing a positive quality to one “bucket,” masculine or feminine, denies that quality to the other “bucket.”

Speaking of traits, the concept of “caring masculinities” has captured the interest of many sociologists and psychologists. It has become important as a way to promote gender equality. For men to be caring means they can be encouraged to be caretakers of children, i.e., sharing childcare with their wives. However, one researcher who studies masculinity notes, “Why must caring…become ‘masculine’ and not simply just be caring?”⁹Jeff Hearn, a British sociologist who studies men and masculinities, also asks why it is necessary to hang onto the concept of masculinity rather than describe how men act with women and other men.¹⁰

How to Use Self-Reflection to Assess the Value of Masculinity to You

Self-reflection is taking time to think about and examine the way you think about yourself and others. It can be a process of self-analysis, self-evaluation, self-dialogue, and self-observation. Self-reflection not only enhances personal transformation but it also helps create a better society.¹⁰

You may reflect on your sense of masculinity using the following guide:*

• Make a list of several “masculine traits “that describe you.*
• Think about specific situations in which you displayed a given “trait.”
• Think about a situation in which these traits would not characterize how you would act.
• Think about how displaying specific masculine traits might impact other people.
• Think about a situation in which a woman might display these “masculine” traits.
• Think about how each of these traits could be considered human qualities rather than “masculine traits.”

You may now wish to ask yourself what social value the idea of “masculinity” holds for you. And, how important is being masculine to your self-concept?

Final Thoughts

Social scientists and lay people are asking the question, why do we need to attach a gender to human qualities creating artificial masculine and feminine buckets? We even invented the construct of “caring masculinity” to keep our separate buckets.

The concepts of masculinity and femininity were created to support a specific social structure created during the Industrial Revolution. This system sought to separate men and women into public and private lives. This system has outlived its purpose. You have an opportunity to examine, through self-reflection, how this system may shape you and whether you wish to change that.

Isn’t it time for all of us to reflect on the limitations that creating masculine and feminine buckets places on us?