Kenneth Braswell asserts: “You don’t need to be a Superhero to mentor children.”
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One the most crippling issues in our communities is father absence. The numbers and consequences for our children are alarming–today, as many as two in three children are growing up in homes without their fathers. The absence of fathers, and the weakened ties of commitment between fathers to their children is a central cause of many of our worst individual and societal problems, such as, poverty, juvenile delinquency, drug and alcohol abuse, and violence. In response to this crisis, over the past few decades we have seen increased attention to, investment in, and growth of national and local efforts to help keep fathers connected to their children.
These efforts are encouraging, but much more work still needs to be done. If we truly care about our children, this work needs to go beyond the “numbers” and get personal for each of us. Whether it’s the man who has never played a role in his child’s life, or the one who comes home each day to sit in his favorite chair and never meaningfully interacts with his children, the negative impacts on children are the same. The good news is we can all play a role in making sure these kids get the supports and resources they need and deserve to thrive. We don’t need to be super heroes to make a difference; although, we can learn a few lessons from them.
The work I do to keep fathers positively involved in the lives of their children is deeply personal for me. Being a father of four children, a grandfather, a husband, a leader in my field and church, and a business owner, places me in a position in which I am directly responsible for the well-being of others. Legally, I am required to meet some of these responsibilities and demands, but I have bigger expectations of myself, and why I have chosen to mentor others.
Spiderman’s uncle told him: “With great power comes great responsibility.” I firmly believe this truth, which is why each morning I put on my proverbial cape, look into the mirror, and say to myself, “Self, lets go make a difference the world!” Mentoring others, however, is not uncomplicated work. Some days I think I’m successful, and other days, I find myself wondering if I made a difference at all. On the latter days, I often ask myself, “How do Super Heroes do it?”
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Where did Superman go when he failed? Who did Superman talk to when the answers eluded him? You see, the powers that Superman possessed were never modeled for him. He had no idea how and why he had the strength he did, why he could fly, why he could move at the speed of light, or why he could see through solid objects. Superman did not grow-up with his biological father who could have helped him understand who he was, his strengths and weaknesses, and who could have modeled the behaviors Superman needed to be the best he could be. What Superman did have, however, was the love, support, and attention of caring adults that offered him a safe environment for him to discover and develop his strengths and who guided him to use his powers for good with much confidence. Superman had mentors.
Many policies and programs today place much emphasis on formal mentorship through either one-on-one or group activities. The success of these efforts is typically based on how many hours mentors spend with mentees, the efficacy of various curricula, and the often unrealistic requirements expected of potential mentors. Unfortunately, many boys and girls with absent or inconsistent fathers in their lives never seek formal mentorship, and too many are placed on long waiting lists because there is a dearth of formal male mentors. Formal mentoring programs are needed, but they are expensive. Also, many men feel like they need to be super heroes to mentor children. This is a dreadful misconception.
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I never had a relationship with my biological father. I did have a stepfather who very recently passed away. Losing him prompted me to recall how he raised and mentored me. My stepfather was a strong man with extraordinary values. I don’t ever remember him having a conversation with me about having values or morals, but I saw them in his every action. As I recounted my reflections of him at the funeral, I realized that his values were instilled in me. For the first time, I saw clearly that my stepfather was my Superman. He never wore a cape and he didn’t have all the answers, but he gave me quality time; he modeled his values through his everyday actions; he helped my mother create a safe and supportive environment for me to become the man with a passion for mentoring that I am today. My stepfather helped me to understand how important it is for me to always be aware of my behavior and the quality time I spend with my children and, equally as important, with other youth and young men.
Family dynamics have changed dramatically during our generation; for example, in 1950, non-marital births for African American women were 17 percent, today 73 percent of African American children and 43 percent of ALL children are born to unmarried mothers. This means that approximately 2 million children enter the world with potentially tenuous ties to their biological fathers. These increasing trends are forcing adults to recognize and embrace the charge that, even though we may not be a part of formalized mentorship programs, we can all be informal mentors.
We must be inspired to be a part of the changes and outcomes we want to see realized for our nation’s youth. There is no question these efforts begin in our own homes and with our families, but it is time we extend ourselves and make ourselves models and resources to others in need and who are influenced by the way we conduct our own lives. Mentorship is simply a reflection of who we are and the desire to cultivate the absolute best in people. At the end of the day, the question isn’t “Can you fly” The question is “How high are you willing to fly in order to show others; they can too?” You don’t need special powers, or even a cape, to make a difference; just the willingness to soar!
Happy National Mentoring Month! Celebrate by becoming a mentor today!
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Kenneth Braswell is the Executive Director of Fathers Incorporated & President Obama’s National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse
We Mentor! Do You? Follow us on Twitter at @fathersincorp and Facebook at /FathersIncorporated
**Editors note: Christopher “Flood The Drummer” Norris has curated all of these stories from the mentors in his community for a special a series on mentoring. After the series is complete all of the essays will be made into a book by TechbookOnline.
Source: TBO Inc®
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Photo: C. Norris