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I recently took part in a Twitter Chat about microaggressions that was a real attention grabber. Thinking back on life growing up as part of the ‘white majority’ of the 50/60’s when people openly said just about anything they wanted to belittle those of color or certain religions—people laughed it off as funny. The fact is it was anything but funny AND it was accepted behavior. I’m sorry to report this continues in 2017.
Usually done for power in the name of humor, microaggressions seem harmless at first glance. Let’s take a deeper look at three examples.
- A man and a woman walk up to a man in a business setting. The approached man shakes the hand of the man and hugs the woman saying ‘hey girlfriend’ then ‘what’s up buddy’ to the man. What’s wrong with this?
- A man and two women are standing in the break room of a business. A heavy-set person walks by them and down the hallway towards another part of the building. The man says to the two women: ‘boom-ba, boom-ba, boom-ba’ and the women giggle. The sad part of this scenario is the fact that this man, who said very disrespectful words, is saying the very same things about the giggling women behind their back too.
- The boss who pats men on the shoulders and places his hand the lower back of women, just above the gluteus maximus and everyone lets him get away with it. What do you think the boss says to the men when the women aren’t nearby?
Wikipedia says: A microaggression is the casual degradation of any marginalized group. What does that mean to us as men in the 21st Century?
Let’s start with example one and walk through what we find.
In the 21st Century, unlike previous century’s we find that people looking to wield power over others did so with a sword, or an ax, or with powerful words. In other words, the strongest and most powerful, ruled the community until wars became too large and expensive to wage against by one community. These communities began to make alliances with other communities to win over bigger aggressors and bigger more deadly weapons were acquired. Rulers found that the blade was not necessarily as powerful as alliances and, therefore people began to watch what they said in front of other people in order to hold alliances together.
I believe this remained true until the internet came into being. People could talk to each other via emails without others hearing what was said behind their back. THEN SOCIAL MEDIA CAME ALONG! Yes, social media gave us not only the ability to talk in real time but also the ability to video the whole conversation. Many people’s comments on social posts are ‘not well thought out’ at the very least and bizarre many times.
We can now capture police breaking the law in real time and broadcast it to the world. We have ALSO captured politicians in the act of breaking alliances with no way of covering their tracks, so to speak.
As people, we no longer tolerate this type of behavior. In fact, we demand change and restitution!
In example one above, we see how one man can degrade two different people in a seemingly innocent manner when in fact, the opposite is true. This man easily placed power over both the people by disrespecting their place in the business event they were all attending. The man broke the same law as if he would have verbally attacked them with racist slurs or worse.
You may have laughed at example number two at first. Heavy people are easy targets for disrespect in society ever since tailored clothing became popular. I’ve heard the expression ‘Omar the tent maker’ over and over in my lifetime. We don’t know that the heavy person who walked down the hallway is struggling with making ends meet so he could send his kids to good schools many miles away or to save money—he and his family go to places like fast food restaurants and eat from the $1 menu three or four times per week. These meals are known for their high-fat content and are very low in nutritional value. In other words, they make slaves of the people who must eat to survive. But, there is another underlying problem here my friends and that is ‘blatant prejudice’ at work, which harbors even more devious hate against others who do not believe what they believe or have the same skin tones as they do. This boils down to the privileges placed over the poor and ALWAYS color over character.
Microaggressions are pretty powerful, aren’t they? Every day, they are the very cause of many people across the world committing suicide. Microaggressions are more commonly known as ‘bullying’. Not so funny now? Suicide rates are right up there with death by medicine, heart attacks, and murder.
Now let’s take number three, the sexist boss who must have power over all those under him. He probably has no power at home with an abusive spouse who demeans of him anytime she can to hold control over him. Perhaps because she feels degraded at church or she too is in a similar position in her job. Another possible scenario could be this boss was abused by his parents in much the same manner, he is now abused by his wife AND the owner of the company. The boss pats the shoulders of his men like a ‘good dog’ and then sexually abuses his female employees in hopes of having one or more of them some day.
NONE OF THIS IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR! Don’t let it be acceptable. There are some things you can do ahead of time starting with the employment interview. Say things in the interview that you don’t and won’t tolerate this type of behavior where you work. If your prospective boss doesn’t hire you there then you missed a bullet and you will find a job in a company that is ethical and fair. They do exist out there!
If you work in this environment, you are working in a lie and you are no better than the persons you tolerate this behavior from.
Microaggressions aren’t so funny now, are they?
What DOES it mean to observe this behavior in the 21st Century?
We are not much better off than we were 50 years ago. You get to make decisions based on your personal values and ethics. You get to be the person you want to be in this world—or you can choose to continue to be part of the problem.
Which do you choose? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
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Photo credit: Getty Images/Gary Burchell